


Snape's Story

by Tbird1965



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, Friendship/Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-14
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-14 05:24:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 74,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tbird1965/pseuds/Tbird1965
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Dark Lord is dead and the magical world is struggling to return back to normal. Severus Snape's past has finally caught up to him and his life is in a downworld spiral. Can one caring woman save him before he destroys himself? This story contains adult themes, situations and language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Severus Snape resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably in his seat. The tension in the small room was palpable. Everything about this situation was wrong. He stared at the witch sitting behind the antique oak desk, watching as she shuffled through a stack of parchment. His “file”. She'd been his student for fucks sake and now he was supposed to pour his heart and soul out to her like some emotional first year? 'Fuck that. Her hair is different then it was in school. Short now.' He thought absentmindedly. 'Bloody hell I need a drink.'

 

The witch behind the desk laid the file down and placed her hands flat on top of the papers. She examined him carefully before speaking. “Why don't you tell me why you're here Professor.”

 

“You've read the file.” He responded with his best sneer. “I think it should be self explanatory. And having read the file,” he added sarcastically, “you should know I no longer hold the title of Professor.”

 

She stared at him, her expression unreadable. “”No you don't. But I suppose old habits die hard. What shall I call you then?”

 

“Call me whatever you bloody well want. I really don't give a damn.” He snapped, running a shaky hand across his forehead. He really needed a drink. “You might as well call me Severus. It is my name after all.” He sighed softly.

 

“Alright Severus.” The counselor said patiently. “Why don't you tell me why you're here.”

 

Snape's eyes were dark with anger and impotent rage. “Following my dismissal from Hogwarts I was given several...........options. This one seemed the least objectionable.” He sneered.

 

“And your other choices?”

 

“Azkaban or in patient Rehabilitation at St. Mungos”

 

“Well I can certainly understand why you wouldn't choose Azkaban, but what were your objections to St. Mungo's? Their rehabilitation facilities are exceptional.”

 

“I've have spent more then enough time in St. Mungo's.” He growled angrily Looking up he pinned the young counselor with his obsidian glare. “Can you for one moment imagine what it was like to have my arse wiped and my bullocks washed by nurses that once sat in my classroom? Oh yes.” He snorted in disgust. “I became quite the side show exhibit. Let's all come see what the Bat of the Dungeon's has hiding under his robes.”

 

“That must have been very demoralizing for you. Paralyzed, unable to speak, unable to defend yourself.”

 

Snape folded his arms across his chest and said nothing, his face dark with barely controlled anger,

 

“So...” The counselor cleared her throat nervously and shuffled through the file again. “You elected private counseling. However, I was also your student. Will that be an issue?” She looked up and met his eyes, her gaze steady and calm.

 

“Oh course it's a bloody issue.” He hissed. “But what choice do I have? I want my license back. I want my wand back. In order to achieve those things I must endure this travesty.”

 

“Let's talk about the events that led to your dismissal from Hogwarts.” The witch said, pulling two pieces of parchment from the file and scanning them carefully. “Why don't you tell me what happened.”

 

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~~*****

 

He tilted his head back, he tossed back his drink. Swallowing he felt the whiskey burn down his throat and settle warm in his stomach. His nose felt numb and his lips tingled. Slamming the glass down on the bar, he stared in confusion when one glass became three. Focusing on the one in the middle, he raised a shaking hand and pointed to the empty glass, the movement making him sway unsteadily on his stool.

 

“I think you've had enough, Professor.” The barkeep said softly. “Maybe you should head back to the school now.”

 

'Enough?' The dark man thought. 'How can it be enough? I can still feel and think and remember?' It's not enough.” Reaching out with a hand he could no longer control, he made several failed attempts to grab his empty glass.

 

“Professor.” The barkeeps voice was sterner now as he snatched the glass away from his floundering hand. “It's the middle of the afternoon. There are students present. I think you should go back to the castle and sleep it off.”

 

He was walking now. Struggling to place one leg in front of the other leg, each step pulling him diagonally across the road. The road. What road? The road between Hogsmead and Hogwarts. That's where he was, walking on the road to Hogwarts. Swaying slightly, he tried to focus on the wavering path head of him; one leg, two legs, repeat. Why was it so fucking far? Stumbling, the ground rose up and slammed into him, jarring every bone in his body. Lifting his head, he stared at a set of stone stairs directly in front of him. Ah, the castle, that's what I need. On hands and knees, he crawled up the undulating steps. Why can't they be still? Reaching the top, he stood, swaying uneasily. 'Merlin, I have to piss'. Lurching across the stone floor, he braced his hand gratefully against the solid wall. Finally the world has stopped moving. 'Now to take care of the most important matter.' Fumbling at his trousers, he sighed when his hand closed around the soft flesh of his cock, he groaned with pleasure and relief as urine splashed against the wall and trickled down to pool around his feet. Whispers, giggles and chortles pierced through the haze. Blinking his eyes, he gazed blearily at the pack of students surrounding him. A flash of light made him flinch backwards. His cock still hanging limply from his trousers, he pushed himself off the wall and staggered across the foyer.

 

'What's wrong with you all? What are you staring at?” He growled, his words slurred. “Haven't you ever seen a man pee before?”

 

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~~*****

The counselor held out a piece of paper to him.

 

“I've seen it. Thank you.” His baritone voice was low and dangerous. Blazened across the front page of the Daily Prophet was a picture of him staggering drunkenly across the front hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A black box covered his exposed genitals to sensitive eyes.

 

War Hero Terminated. Severus Snape, Hero or Pervert?

 

“Conduct unbecoming. Indecency.” The witch read softly. “But that wasn't the first time you had trouble, was it?” She raised her eyes to stare at him across the desk. “There are several notations of previous inappropriate behaviors, reporting to class intoxicated, threatening to curse students.” Again she shuffled through papers before selecting one. “I see that Minerva suggested you attend AA meetings. Why did you decline?”

 

“I am not an alcoholic.”

 

“Mmmm.” She frowned. “She also recommended anti depressants.” Her eyes questioned.

 

“I do not care for the sexual side effects. I like to masturbate. Frequently.” He smirked at the shocked look that flashed quickly across her face. “Does that surprise you?”

 

The faint tint of red on her cheeks belayed the calm tone of her voice. “Of course not, you are still a young man, Severus. The need for sexual release is perfectly normal.” She pulled a blank bit of parchment closer to her and made several notes.

 

A soft chime sounded. She wrote for a moment longer then laid her quill aside. “Well our time is up for now. Same time tomorrow?” She glanced up just in time to see his robes billow behind him as he stormed from the office and into the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus stared out the window at this street below, his hands clenched tightly behind his back. The counselor sat behind her desk, silently watching him. Sighing with annoyance, he turned and sat heavily in the seat across from her desk, glaring angrily. Aside from her initial greeting, she had not uttered a single word to him.

 

“So is this how it goes? We sit in silence until my time is up?” He growled, folding his arms across his chest. “Or am I supposed to pour my heart out to you, whinging about my horrible childhood and how my parents never loved me?”

 

“Is that where you would like to start? With your parents?” The witch asked softly.

 

“I do not wish to 'start' at all.” He snorted, standing up and pacing back and forth across the small office. “I have already poured my heart and soul out once on the erroneous belief that I was dying. Weren't you there at the final battle?” He turned to face her and sneered wickedly. “Or were you hiding under your bed, pissing your knickers in fear?”

 

“I was there.”

 

“So you've already heard my sordid tale of woe. Why must I rehash it all over again?” He returned to his seat in the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose wearily.

 

“Because I haven't heard it from you. I need to know how you feel about it.”

 

“Feel.” He said the word as if it tasted foul in his mouth. “I don't feel any thing. I don't want to feel any thing.”

 

“And therein lies your problem.” The counselor stared at him patiently from her seat behind the desk. “Severus, why do you drink?”

 

He snorted in disgust and folded his arms across his chest, his eyes dark and unreadable.

 

Unswayed by his silence, the witch consulted her notes. “You said in our first session that you masturbate frequently. How frequent?”

 

“Three or four times a day. More if I'm sober.”

 

If the woman was shocked by his frank admission, she did not show it. Inwardly her stomach twisted. 'Four times a day? Merlin's beard!' Smiling at him, she chose her words carefully. “You say you don't have feelings, yet you are using both masturbation and alcohol as a way to mask and numb your emotions, to hide from the pain of them, if you will. Those are both very common coping mechanisms.”

 

“And tell me,” He growled through gritted teeth, his rage evident on his face. “How do you cope, Counselor?” He spit her title at her, his voice dripping with disgust. “Surely you did not come through the war unscathed. How do you deal with your nightmares?”

 

“We are not talking about me. My life is not out of control. We are talking about you.”

 

“I. Am. Not. Out. Of. Control.” He growled each word at her, his fists clenching and unclenching reflexively, his breathing labored. She was sure if he'd been in possession of his wand he would have hexed her right there and then. She waited in silence until his hands relaxed and his breathing returned to normal. When she felt he had regained control, she spoke slowly and carefully.

 

“You were terminated from the job that you have held for over twenty five years. Your Potions license has been revoked, your wand and your magic have been suspended. You are one step away from a very real sentence in Azkaban.” She paused, giving him a chance to respond, to acknowledge what she was saying, when he remained silent, she continued gently. “From what I know of your life, you have every right to be in pain, to feel angry, outraged even. You asked me what I do to cope with my pain, my nightmares? I help people. Plain and simple. Helping others learn to heal from their tragedies, helps me to heal from mine.” She stared at him, her eyes pleading. “I can help you, if you'll let me.”

 

“How altruistic of you.” He sighed, but the fight had drained from his

his body. He seemed tired, defeated, hopeless. “And how, pray tell, do you plan to fix me.”

 

“I know that you refused AA meetings, but how familiar are you with their principles?”

 

“12 steps, submitting to a Higher power, forgiveness and all that malarkey?” He sighed. “I am a wizard. I do not believe in Muggle deities.”

 

“You don't have to, you only need to believe that there is something greater and more powerful then yourself. Please just hear me out before you judge.”

 

Severus had to quell the wicked grin that threatened to turn up the corner's of his lips. In her zeal, she had leaned forward, pressing her hands on her antique desk. Her eyes gleamed with a fire he recognized from her student days. This was an issue for which she was passionate. In that moment he recognized her sincerity, her true desire to help him.

 

“But there is nothing greater or more powerful then myself.” He teased, his face schooled in his best 'Professor scowl'. “Just ask my students.”

 

The counselor smiled at him and her heart lightened. She could help him after all. As she'd always suspected there was something more to the morose, snarky and often mean man. Deep down inside of him lurked a sharp and wicked sense of humor to match his sharp and wicked intelligence. Now if he could only learn to trust her enough, open up to her enough so she could use that to her advantage.

 

“This isn't your potion's classroom or your dungeons, Professor.” She teased back, her voice light.

 

“I thought there was something different about the room.”

 

“Do you know the Muggle Serenity prayer?”

 

“Please grant me the patience to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference?”

 

“Precisely.” She smiled. “That is your new mantra.”

 

“My mantra?” He quirked an eyebrow at her.

 

“Yes. Mantra, something you repeat over and over to yourself.”

 

“I know what a mantra is foolish girl. What I fail to see is how it will be helpful.”

 

“Just trust me.”

 

“Surely you must know I am neither a patient nor a trusting man.”

 

“Oh I think you are far more patient then you give yourself credit.” She glanced at her at her watch and made several notes on the parchment in front of her. “We are almost out of time. Your homework for this evening......”

 

“Homework?” He looked incredulously at her, “You propose to give me homework?”

 

“Consider it payback if you like. You certainly had no problems being generous when it came to passing out homework. ” She laughed. “Your homework for this evening is fairly simple.....don't drink.”

 

He nodded curtly as he stood and made his way towards the door, pausing, he turned to stare back at her, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Am I at least allowed to masturbate?”

 

A flush of red colored her cheeks. “Of course. I would only ask that before your begin, you pause for a moment and ask yourself why you are doing it. Is it because you are aroused and need release? Or is it because you are trying to avoid thinking or feeling.

 

He nodded to her again before sweeping out the door in a billow of black robes.


	3. Chapter 3

“So how did you do last night? Were you able to avoid drinking?”

 

He nodded his head, his hands clutched tightly in his lap to hide their shaking.

 

“And how was it?” She wrote quickly on her parchment before looking back up at him. “Any nausea, shaking, irritability?”

 

“As I believe I've said before, I am not an alcoholic, therefore there would be no reason for me to experience any symptoms of withdrawal.”

 

“Mmm hmmm.” She said, laying aside her quill. “Hold out your hand for me.”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me. Hold out your hand,”

 

Sighing in exasperation, he held up a trembling hand. “It's nothing.” He growled, returning his hand to his lap.

 

“I can give you something for that if you'd like.”

 

“It's not necessary.”

 

“And what about the.....” She paused imperceptibly, “masturbation?” Her quill was poised over her parchment, waiting for his response.

 

'What had he been thinking when he had chosen this witch to be his private counselor?' He wondered. 'Oh right, he hadn't been thinking'. He'd been pissed out of his mind when he'd scribbled her name down and sent the parchment back to the ministry. He'd been surprised to see her name on the list of counselor's recommended to him. A name from his past. A name for the face that had risen unbidden in his dreams as he lay paralyzed in St. Mungo's, trapped inside his own mind. A face that haunted him, annoyed him, tempted him, slowly driving all other faces from his dreams and his fantasies. How shocked he had been the first time he had come, cock in hand and realized it was her face in his mind and not Lily's. And now he had placed himself in the unfortunate position of having to share his inner most thoughts and private moments with her. Well he should have known better then to make such an important decision while he was in his cups. It had certainly seemed like a good idea at the time, but so had emptying his bladder in the middle of the foyer at Hogwarts. Drunk decisions were invariably bad decisions. Now she was watching him, staring at him, waiting for him to answer.

 

He had left her office with her edict in his head. Don't drink. Stopping briefly at a fast food take away he had headed straight home. Spinner's End. The home of his parents and his childhood. Despite the changes he had made, everything about the dreary, miserable place made him want to drink. Don't drink. He had locked the door and drawn the curtains. His inability to ward, silence and secure his surroundings magically made him feel vulnerable and out of sorts. Fucking ministry. Don't drink. He hated feeling vulnerable. Forcing himself to move to the small kitchen, he methodically set the table and consumed his food. Don't drink. Focus only on what you are doing at this moment. Eat. Clean the dishes. Tidy the kitchen. Don't drink. He found himself pacing his small living room like a caged panther, his skin crawling with agitation. Fuck it, just to take the edge off.

 

Two hours later he found himself still in front of the fireplace, his trousers long discarded, his shirt open across his bare, sweaty chest, come from his previous ejaculations drying on his stomach and thighs.

 

'Dammit' He thought. 'I'm supposed to stop and think about why I'm doing this.' It was only day two and he'd already partially failed his first homework assignment. Frowning, he reached for the bottle on the table beside him and squirted some more lubrication into his hand. 'Thank Merlin the ministry hadn't confiscated that too' He thought wryly as he gently stroked his semi hard cock. 'They'd taken practically ever other damn thing; dreamless sleep, calming draughts, all they'd left him with were a few headache potions and his bottles of lube. Idiots. It wasn't like he couldn't get high, both muggle and magical anytime he wanted. He chuckled wryly as he ran his thumb over the sensitive head of his prick, loving the feel as his cock grew harder and harder in his hand. He had told them it was a healing lotion. And in someways it was, if it wasn't for the lube, he'd have rubbed all the skin off his cock ages ago. No this was a creation of his own making. Like liquid velvet and it warmed to higher then normal body temperature. A palm full of that and a good imagination and you could almost believe you were thrusting into a tight hot pussy, rather than your own fist. Closing his eyes, he moved his hand up and down his shaft, in a slow steady rhythm. 'Why am I doing this? Because I'm bored. Because it keeps my mind off how desperately I want a drink. Because it feels so bloody good, I can focus on that and I don't have to think about anything else' He wasn't sure if he was more angry or impressed that the little chit had called it so well. She always had been a clever little swot. It's no wonder she was the most respected counselor in the Wizarding world.

 

He licked his lips and squeezed his cock. 'I'm supposed to be doing this because I'm aroused, not to numb my emotions.' He chuckled low in his throat. 'Well never let it be said that Severus Snape didn't at least try to complete the homework assigned to him.' Closing his eyes he smiled as imagines formed behind his lids. His counselor's face floated before him. 'Wait. That's wrong. Short hair now. I like that better.' He groaned, running his hand up and down his hard shaft.. He saw his hands sinking into the short brown hair, gripping it tightly as her head moved, sliding her mouth up and down his cock. 'Fuck.' He groaned, spreading his legs and reaching down to massage his throbbing balls. She was always behind the desk, so he couldn't see how her figure had changed over the years. It looked like she had a fairly nice set of titties. 'Oh who are you kidding?' His hand was now flying across his cock. 'She had a nice set of titties by her fourth year. The kind you could just grab and suck on. Uhhhhhhnnnnnn' He groaned as he erupted in his hand, come splashing hotly on his thighs.

 

“Severus?”

 

'Bloody hell'. She was still looking at him, waiting for answer. He was surprised to feel the flush of embarrassment creeping up the back of his neck. “I was............bored.” He said, meeting her eyes with his. There was a brief flash of something he couldn't identify before it was gone and her face was unreadable again.

 

“Bored or you needed a distraction from drinking?”

 

He folded his arms across his chest and glared silently at her.

 

“How many times?” She was writing on her parchment again.

 

“Five, maybe six. I lost count.”

 

She glanced up, her eyes wide before she returned her attention back to the parchment. “Was your mind a blank? Focusing only on the feeling or did you fantasize?”

 

“Both, I suppose.”

 

She wrote some more before laying aside her quill and glancing down at her watch. “Your assignment for tonight is the same. I'll see you tomorrow Severus.”


	4. Chapter 4

The counselor sighed and made a brief note on her parchment. The man sitting before her bore little resemblance to the austere, stoic and often frightening Potions Master who had terrorized her during her school days. She took in his trembling hands, the sheen of sweat on his forehead and the extreme pallor of his already pale skin. He had arrived late and was dressed in white shirt sleeves and black trousers, his ever present black robes curiously absent. His hair appeared clean, but uncombed and he was unshaven, a black dusting of stubble coloring his cheeks and chin. Her expert eye told her he was not drunk or hung over, he was suffering from severe alcohol withdrawal. Standing, she moved from behind her desk and pressed her fingers gently to his neck. He jerked away from her touch.

 

“What are you doing? He growled.

 

“Checking your pulse. It's a little thready.” She pressed her hand to his forehead. “And your skin is clammy.” Bending over, she placed a hand to his side, just above his waist and squeezed. “Your liver feels a bit swollen.”

 

“Remove your hands from my person this instance.” He twisted away from her in his chair. “Don't you have a wand for that? Do I need to be manhandled?”

 

Returning to her seat behind the desk, she make a few more notes. “I can give you something to help alleviate your discomfort.”

 

“I am fine.” He rubbed a trembling hand across his forehead. “I have a migraine. I've suffered from them for years.”

 

“Mmmm hmmm.” She leaned back in her seat. “How long has it been since your last drink?”

 

He stood sneering and began to pace restlessly around the small room.

 

“By my calculations it has been about 36 hours.” She continued. “Are you experiencing any nausea or diarrhea?”

 

 

He shot a scathing look at her and continued to pace around the room.

 

In fact he was miserable. He'd spent most of the night and the previous evening alternating between vomiting and groaning on the loo. Even now his stomach churned and his bowels felt liquid and loose. Merlin he needed a drink. If he could just have a drink........the insufferable chit was speaking again, he supposed he should pay attention.

 

“........your father drink?”

 

“What does that have to do with anything?” He growled.

 

“It is a proven fact that children of alcoholics are far more likely to become alcoholics themselves.”

 

“I am not an alcoholic, so your question is moot.” He moved across the room to examine the contents of her bookcase.”

 

“It's still an important question, did your father drink Severus?”

 

“You have a pensieve.” He removed the object from the shelf, turning to glare at her accusingly. “Why do I have to pour out my heart and soul to you if you have a pensieve?”

 

“As I've explained, I prefer to hear about your experiences directly from you. I am far more concerned about your feelings surrounding the experiences rather then the experiences themselves. There are times, however, where a patient may find a certain event to painful or traumatic to verbalize. When that happens, I will allow the patient to use the pensieve, so we can view them together. Are you unable to talk about your father?”

 

“My father was a filthy muggle drunk, who beat me and beat my mother. He died in a muggle prison where he belonged.” His voice was rising in anger, his face dark with rage. “These things are not important. I do not wish to discuss my personal and private life. Fuck.” He roared, throwing the pensieve violently across the room. He turned on his heel and stormed out of the room.

 

The counselor watched as the pensieve bounced safely about the floor. All of the objects in the room were treated with a cushioning charm. This was not the first, nor the last time a patient had thrown something in a fit of rage. She made a few notes on her parchment, before turning to stare sadly out the window.

 

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

 

You're drunk.” She said patiently to the man slumped in the chair across from her desk. She was not surprised that he'd been drinking, she was actually surprised he had returned for his next scheduled appointment. She'd expected him to be missing for at least a day or two.

 

“I always said you were observant.” He quipped, slouching lower in the chair. He was still dressed in the same clothes he had worn yesterday. His shirt was rumpled and he reeked of sweat, whiskey and cheap perfume. “Are you going to punish me? Deduct housepoints? Give me detention?” The corners of his lips turned up in an evil smirk.

 

“Why don't you tell me what happened after you left yesterday,”

 

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

Storming down the hall, Severus Snape had only one thought on his mind, where to get a drink and where to get one fast. He failed to notice the blonde man waiting near the lifts.

 

“Severus.”

 

He stopped and looked around at the sound of his name.

 

“You look like shit.” Lucius Malfoy said smiling, crossing the hall to shake the dark man's hand. “What are you doing here at the ministry? Oh that's right.” Lucius smirked, when Severus didn't answer. “The mandatory counseling sessions. How is that going? Have they saved your soul yet?”

 

“It's a bloody cauldron of shit.” The former Potion's Master growled, rubbing a shaking hand across his forehead. “All I really need is for everyone to leave me the fuck alone.”

 

“Here, here.” Lucius chuckled. “Come on old friend, let me buy you a drink and you can tell me all about it.”

 

 

“Supposed to talk about my bloody feelings.” Severus slurred, raising his glasses of whiskey and swallowing it down in one gulp. “I'm a fucking Slytherin. I don't have fucking feelings.”

 

“Horny.” The blonde wizard muttered, reaching for the almost emptied bottle of whiskey.

 

“Come again?”

 

“Horny. That's a feeling.” Lucius chuckled darkly. “As in I'm feeling very horny at the moment. Come on Severus.” He said, tipping up the bottle and swallowing the last of the amber liquid. “Let's take a stroll down to Knockturn Alley. You need to get laid. My treat.”

 

“I don't need to get laid.” Severus frowned, staring at the two empty whiskey bottles littering their table.

 

“Everybody needs to get laid.” Lucius laughed, stumbling as he stood up from the table. “Merlin knows I do.”

 

~~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

 

“I can't believe it's really you Professor Snape.” Hannah Abbott giggled as she bounced up and down on top of him, her huge magically enhanced breasts coming dangerously close to giving her a concussion. 'Not that a concussion would have any lasting effect on her intellect.' He thought grimly, struggling desperately to tune out the strident tone of her voice and focus on the feeling of her cunt.

 

“Wait a minute! Hannah Abbott of Hufflepuff is a prostitute?” The counselor's normally professional countenance had momentarily vanished, leaving her looking shocked and appalled. “She was in school with me.”

 

“Most prostitute's are former Hufflepuffs. They become whores or nurses. They're not intelligent enough to become anything else.”

 

“And you had sexual intercourse with her?”

 

“Well I tried to, but the stupid cow wouldn't shut up.”

 

“You were always so mean to me in school.” She yammered on, as she bounced energetically up and down on his cock. “I can't believe I'm shagging you. If I'd have known you had such a big dick, I would have fucked you in school. Maybe I could have passed my Potions owls.” She laughed loudly making his head ache painfully.

 

“Not bloody likely.” He growled, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her roughly off him.

 

“What are you doing? You didn't finish Professor. Mr. Malfoy said he'd give me a big tip if I took good care of you.” She whined.

 

“Oh for fucks sake. Will you stop talking before my head splits in two.” He squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

“But what about my tip? If I don't make you come, Mr. Malfoy won't tip me.” She stared accusingly at his rapid deflating erection.

 

“Fine.” He growled, grabbing her by the back of the neck and pulling her face to his crotch. “I'll give you a treat and let you suck me. At least you can't talk with my cock in your mouth.” He sighed as she eagerly attacked his cock. Her technique was sloppy at best. Grabbing the sides of her head he thrust up rapidly into her mouth, groaning as she gagged, her throat closing around his cock with each upward thrust.

 

He watched carefully as the counselor wrote several lines across her parchment. Again he had seen a flash of some identifiable emotion on her face, but when she looked up, she was once again inscrutable.

 

“Is that something you do regularly? Frequent prostitutes?”

 

“Not in Knockturn Alley. I prefer the anonymity of Muggle whores and not my former students.”

 

“Mmmmm.” She wrote quickly. “So you have some moral objection in engaging in that type of behavior with former students?”

 

“I wouldn't call it a moral objection.” He frowned, thinking. “I suppose what I object to is knowing I'm sticking my cock into a vapid, moronic, dunderheaded idiot.”

 

“The intellect of the woman you are paying for sex is important to you?” She stared at him, a curious look on her face.

 

“I have no desire to know what the intellect of the woman I am paying for sex is or isn't. I wish to know as little about her as possible, that way I can......” His voice trailed off and his face grew dark.

 

“You can what?”

 

“Nothing.” He growled, folding his arms across his chest.

 

The soft chime sounded, signaling the end of the session. He started to rise, but she waved him back into his seat with her hand. He glared at her, clearly annoyed.

 

“Your homework begins again. Don't drink. Because you've had a relapse, you can expect to start feeling withdrawal symptoms in the next 5 to 10 hours. They will probably be more severe. I will offer again, I can give you..........” Her voice trailed off as he rose and left the room.


	5. Chapter 5

"So how are you feeling today?" He appeared sober, but ill and disheveled. It was clear he had not taken a razor to his face since the last time she had seen him. Inhaling deeply, she could detect the faint scent of soap, he had showered; but his white shirt was rumpled and buttoned wrong.

"Like shit. Thanks for asking." He growled. "And before you start, I do not want one of your infernal potions."

"Alright." She said patiently, making a note on the parchment before her. "Any nausea or diarrhea?" He glared at her silently. "What about any hallucinations?" Silent glare. "Well alright." She smiled pleasantly at him. "Why don't we talk some more about your father. You said," She picked up her notes and read, "that he was a muggle who died in prison. Why was he in prison?"

"For killing my mother." His voice was flat and emotionless.

"That's horrible." She gasped before she caught herself.

He watched the play of emotions across her face; shock, pity, sadness, before she regained control of herself. 'And you don't even know the half of it, you stupid little chit.' He thought ruefully. 'If you did, you'd be curled up in the corner, sucking your thumb, crying for your Mummy.'

"How did it happen?" She asked softly. "How did he..." Her voice trailed off.

"Murder her? He was drunk, he was angry, he beat her to death with his bare hands."

"How old were you? Where you there when it happened?"

He stared down at his hands and shook his head. "I was in the States when it happened, so I would have been 19 or 20."

"I didn't know you spent time in the States." She leaned towards him, clearly interested. "How long were you there?"

"I'd say there is quite a lot about me you do not know." He sneered. "I was there for 6 months as part of an accelerated Potions Apprenticeship."

"Were you able to come home for the funeral?"

"I suppose I could have. But I chose not to."

Again, the counselor looked surprise. "But she was your mother."

"She was a cunt who resented me and blamed me for her failing marriage. She never once extended any caring or concern towards me. Why should I care that she's dead?"

She frowned and jotted down a few notes. "Why do you think she resented you?"

"She told me on numerous occasions that she wished I'd never been born. That if it weren't for me, they'd be happy." He sighed heavily. "My mother was an ugly, hateful woman who married an ugly hateful man. Together they produced an ugly hateful child."

"Okay stop right there." The counselor laid down her quill and pinned him with her eyes. "I do not allow self deprecation in my sessions. Anytime you say something negative about yourself, you must in turn say something positive about yourself. Her eyes widened as the man before her began to laugh, his eyes gleaming with mirth. "Something funny?" She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Oh I just have to say that up until this point, I've been a bit disappointed in you." He was still chuckling. "But now? Well now, you've out done yourself. This is exactly the type of touchy, feely, Kumbaya mumbo-jumbo shite I was expecting from you. Well done."

"I'm glad I've amused you." She said seriously. "But I'm still waiting."

Now it was his turn to quirk an eye in confusion. "Waiting? Oh right, for me to say something positive about myself. Fine. I'm brilliant."

She wrote on her parchment. "While that is true. You insulted your appearance, so you have to say something positive about your appearance."

"Oh bloody hell." He murmured running his hand wearily over his face. "Fine. If you think my nose is big, you should get a good look at my cock." He looked up at her, waiting for her reaction. He smirked as he watch her cheeks flush crimson.

"Not what I had in mind." She said, writing quickly. "But for the time being I'll allow it."

'But will you allow it in your pussy?' Snape thought, feeling a flush of his own warming his body.

"Back to your parents." She cleared her throat before continuing. "You said your father was abusive to both you and your mother. She never tried to protect you?"

"Protect me?" He snorted in disgust. "She was glad when he turned his anger towards me, rather then her."

"What types of things made him angry?"

"Breathing? My very existence? Because he hated the fact that his son was a Wizard? I never really knew what would set him off. He was an angry, violent drunk."

Frowning, she wrote briefly. "How long did this last?"

"Until I was sixteen I suppose." He rubbed his index across his lips. "I reached my adult height at sixteen and I could fight back. After landing him on his arse a time or two, he decided it was best to just forget I was there."

She looked up at him, her eyes sad. "Was there no one in your childhood who gave you love, affection, anything?"

"My grandmother." He said softly, folding his hands in his lap, his face almost wistful.

"Tell me about her. Was she muggle or magic?"

"Magic. My maternal grandmother." He chuckled ruefully. "She was a barmy old bat, but she seemed to like me. Crazier then a drunk Grindylow, but a brilliant Potions Mistress. She let me brew potions with her." A sad smile touched his lips. "I think that's when I learned to love the art of brewing."

"What happened to her?"

"She died the year I entered Hogwarts."

"I'm sorry to hear that." The counselor said sadly.

"Why?" His mask was back in place. "People die."

"What about your father?"

"What about him?"

"You said he died in prison. How?"

"Liver failure. Better then he deserved, the wretched old tosser."

Frowning, she made a few notes. "Did you go to his funeral?"

"Why? To spit on his grave?" He let out an ugly chuckle. "I let the muggles deal with him. I'm not even sure where he's buried, if that's what they do with unclaimed bodies. They could have tossed him in the Thames for all I care."

"You seem angry."

"Do I?" His eyes were dark and unreadable.

"Yes." She said calmly. "And you have every right to be. You're childhood sucked, Severus."

"And this is supposed to make me feel better somehow?" He smirked.

"No. But recognizing that it wasn't your fault might. It wasn't about you, it was about them. They were the bad guys in this, not you. You were just a little boy, who deserved love, attention and affection and you didn't get it and that sucks."

He raised an eyebrow and remained silent.

"And this is where the Serenity Prayer comes into play." She smiled happily.

"Oh goody." He drawled sarcastically. "I was wondering when we would revisit that."

She rolled her eyes at him before continuing. "What happened to you in your childhood, you could not control. We don't get to pick our parents or the circumstances of our birth.

He sighed loudly and folded his arms across his chest. Unperturbed, she continued.

"I would like you to go home and write a letter..."

"To my dead parents?" He interrupted, his voice dripping with disdain.

"Yes." She said, her eyes excited. "Write a letter saying anything you've ever wanted to say to them. Curse them, get angry at them, tell them how much they hurt you."

"And what shall I do with this letter when I'm done. I can't very well owl them in Hell."

"I don't give a damn what you do with the letter. Burn it, tear it into a million pieces, wipe your arse with it, it doesn't matter. I just want you to let your emotions out, to get angry at how they treated you." Her voice became serious. "But when you are done, I want you to tell yourself that it wasn't your fault. It was a circumstance you could not control and I want you accept that it happened and then I want you to leave it in the past."

"So that is my assignment?" He asked, standing up as the soft chime signaled the end of their session.

"That. And don't drink."

She smiled to herself as he muttered "don't drink" under his breath as he headed out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" The dark haired wizard raged. Picking up the parchment from his desk, he balled it up and hurled it into the fireplace, watching as the spidery black writing disappeared in the flames. "Fuck." He sighed, rubbing his shaking hand across his aching forehead. Didn't she know how much even thinking about his parents made his head ache? Staring over his shoulder, he gazed longingly at the decanter filled with amber liquid. 'Just a sip." He thought. 'Just one sip will make this pain go away.'

"No." He growled. Burying his fingers in his long black hair, he paced rapidly across his parlor room floor. "No, no, no, no." He chanted under his breath. Seizing the back of a thread bare chair, he swung it violently, shattering it against the wall. Picking up a broken chair leg, he turned, sending lamps and tchotchke's flying. Yelling with rage, he swung the wood like a cricket bat, smashing everything in his path.

"...should have loved me." He roared, smashing a row of picture frames on top of the mantle.

"...never been born!" Plaster and old wallpaper fluttered to the floor from the large hole that now appeared in the wall.

Roaring with rage, he continued to swing the piece of wood, smashing and destroying. Another large hole appeared adjacent to the first one. Spinning on his heel, he held the chair leg high over his head, ready to smash the crystal decanter into a million pieces. He froze, breathing heavily. The amber liquid inside called to him, beckoned him, promised him absolution from all his pain.

"Fuck." He sighed softly, lowering his arms. Turning in a small circle he surveyed the damage he had caused. The wall separating the parlor from the kitchen was nearly gone, pieces of plaster hanging loosely between the studs. He could see straight through to the kitchen in places. Shaking his head, he stooped and began to pick up pieces of broken furniture and plaster.

Stepping off the back stoop he was surprised to see an elderly muggle woman standing in the yard next door, wringing her head anxiously.

"Is everything alright?" She called out as he dumped an armful of debris in the bin.

"I beg your pardon?" He scowled, heading back up the rickety steps.

"I heard a disturbance." She said, glancing at his house and then back at him, her round face worried. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm just doing a bit of remodeling." He said, grabbing the handle of the backdoor. "Sorry if I disturbed you."

"You're Severus aren't you?"

His hand froze on the handle as he turned to stare at her.

"You probably don't remember me." She said, stepping closer to the fence. "But you used to sneak over to my house for a biscuit and a cuddle when you were just a wee tyke. I always wondered what happened to you. I'm Mrs. Harvy." She held her hand out over the fence."

"I'm sorry, I don't remember." He said, stepping across the small yard to shake her hand.

"I didn't think you would." She chuckled. "Like I said, you were just a wee tyke. You couldn't have been more then three or four. It broke my heart when I had t..." She stopped speaking and shook her head. "Doesn't matter now, I suppose." She smiled broadly at him. "Well it's good that your home. This house had been empty far to long."

"It broke your heart when you had to what?" He pressed, his brows furrowed.

"Had to turn you away." She sighed sadly. "But your Mum said she didn't want you over bothering me. Well I told her it was no bother at all, but she wouldn't hear of it. You cried and cried at first. Kept trying to sneak over anyway. Your parents," Her warm, open face turned dark, "your parents had their own way of doing things and who was I to argue? Well I've got to be getting back inside. I've got a cake in the oven." Her face was cheerful. "Pop on over if you need anything or if you just fancy a cuppa."

He nodded distractedly. "Thank you I will." Stepping back inside, he returned to the ruined parlor in long strides, the toe of his boot kicking something across the floor. His long fingers grasped the crystal decanter as he poured out a generous portion. Drinking deeply, he sighed with relief as the warming liquid slid down his throat. With glass in hand, he scanned the floor, trying to locate the object he had kicked. His eyes narrowed as his fingers closed on a small potions bottle filled with sludgy gray liquid. 'Looks like those Ministry bastards missed something.' He chuckled darkly. Placing the bottle in his pants pocket, he took another long drink, closing his eyes as the warmth spread throughout his body.

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

Warm arms hugged him tightly. He felt happy and safe. A pretty face smiling down at him.

'No Mummy no." His throat hurt from screaming, his eyes burned with tears. Looking up he stared into the angry face of his mother.

THACK, THACK. Pain radiated across his bottom with each strike of her hand. Sharp words punctuated each smack. "Told THACK you to THACK stay THACK away THACK from that THACK woman.

The smiling face sad now, a warm hand holding his, leading to a hole in the fence, pushing him through. "I'm sorry Severus, but you have to go home."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

His father's ugly face. "If you like to hug the boy, why don't you give me a hug." His hand reaching down to grasp his crotch. "Why don't you give this a kiss and a cuddle."

"Uhhnn" He snapped away with a start. His insides aching, his face wet with tears. "Fuck." He sighed, running his hand over his face. Climbing from the bed, he padded down the stairs into the parlor. Pouring himself a drink from the crystal decanter, he sipped it slowly while staring into the cold fireplace.

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

"So how much did you drink last night?"

It was on his lips to lie and say he hadn't, but she hadn't asked him 'if' he drank, she'd asked him 'how much' he'd drank. Staring into her pale brown eyes, he saw that she already knew the truth.

"I didn't get drunk." He stated, staring back at her.

"Good." A quick note on the parchment. "And the letter to your parents? How did that go?"

He folded his arms across her chest and remained silent, a contemptuous look on his face.

"I can imagine it was rather painful." She frowned sympathetically. "What did you do with the letter when you were done?"

"You are making the assumption I completed your ridiculous assignment?" He sneered.

"Oh I'm not assuming." A small smile turned up the corner's of her mouth. "I know you completed it. You would never leave an assignment undone or incomplete."

"I tossed it in the fire." He growled.

"And did it help?"

"No. It did not." He growled. "I've spent a lifetime trying to lose those memories and now you want me to dredge them all up again. It's absurd."

"What would happen if you sealed a wound without first ensuring it was clean and free of infection?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically. "The infection would be trapped inside the body and would eventually spread taking over the entire organism, ultimately leading to death. Are you wanting me to compare my so called feelings to an infection? Rubbish."

"No it isn't." She was leaning forward, her hands pressed against the surface of her desk. "Your feelings are exactly like an infection. And right now you have them sealed so tightly inside of you they can't help but fester. What I am trying to do is to get you to tear open these wounds so we can clean the infection out, because right now it's killing you. Whether you're willing to admit it or not."

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her.

Staring down at her desk, she wrote slowly across her parchment. "Let's talk about Lily." She raised her eyes and watched his expression carefully.

An angry blackness descended over his countenance. When he spoke, his voice shook with barely controlled rage. "There is nothing more to discuss. I'm sure you have already seen all there is to see."

"Why would you think that?" Her voice was calm.

"Do you take me for a fool?" He shouted, his voice rising. "I'm quite certain Mr. Potter couldn't wait to show everyone my humiliation. I'm sure he threw quite the little soiree. 'Hey everyone, come see the Bat of the Dungeon pour out his soul. Let's laugh at how pathetic he is."

Leaning back in her chair, she folded her arms over her chest. "As far as I know," she said softly, "Harry has never shared your memories with anyone. I know I haven't seen them."

"You lie." He growled under his breath.

"I don't." She sighed heavily. "I have not seen your memories regarding Lily. Severus, there are people you can trust."

The chime sounded, announcing the end of the session, he stood and glared down at her. "I believe you have not viewed them, but perhaps you should. Then you would know that there is no one I can trust. It might save us both some time and aggravation." He turned sharply on his heel and left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

“M'ello.” She mumbled sleepily into her mobile phone, glancing quickly at her watch she saw that it was just past 2:00 a.m.

 

“Hermione, it's Harry. Snape's been arrested.”

 

“What?” She gasped into the phone, wide awake now. “Why? Is he at the ministry or Azkaban.”

 

She heard Harry's loud sigh on the other end of the phone. “He wasn't taken in by the Ministry, he was arrested by Muggles. Something about assault and resisting arrest. He's in Muggle jail. I don't have all the details yet.”

 

“Oh shit.” She mumbled.

 

“Oh shit is right. This is really, really bad, Hermione. The Minister is not happy.”

 

“Where are you now?” She asked, sitting up and reaching for a pad of paper.

 

“I'm on my way to the Muggle jail now. I've got Ron with me.”

 

“Alright. Just let me get dressed and I'll meet you there.” Hermione sat up in bed and ran her fingers through her short hair. “Oh Severus.” She sighed. “What have you gotten yourself into now?”

 

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

“Another one, right here.” Severus snapped his fingers at the bartender and pointed to his empty glass. Grabbing it as soon as the man was done pouring, he tossed it back and grimaced as the warm liquor slid down his throat. The bartender shook his head and quickly filled his glass again. “Do you have a problem?” Snape glared at the amused man.

 

“No problem at all Mate.” The bartender shook his head. “If you've got the quid, I've got the booze.”

 

Reaching into his pants pocket, Severus slapped a wad of Muggle money on top of the bar.

 

“Like I says.” The man behind the bar grinned. “No problems at all.”

 

The black haired Wizard picked up the glass and slowly swirled the amber liquid around. Taking a small sip, he let his eyes take in his surroundings. The tiny muggle pub was dark and dingy. He couldn't remember walking inside and taking a seat on the bar stool. After leaving the Counselor's office he had roamed the streets blindly, struggling to tamp down the rage of emotions tormenting his brain.

 

“Lily. Fuck.” He sighed. Didn't they understand he didn't want to talk about Lily? He didn't want to think about Lily. Why wouldn't they just leave him the fuck alone? Hadn't he given enough of his life already? Didn't they understand he just wanted to get drunk and sleep and fuck and try not to think; try not to feel the loneliness? Holding up his glass, he signaled for another drink. 'And his parents? Why in Merlin's name would he every want to think about, let alone talk about them? Did he really need to be reminded just how unloved and unwanted he'd been and still was?' Tossing back his drink, he held the glass up for another. His anger was burning off the alcohol as quickly as he drank it. 'What was it the little chit had said? It wasn't his fault? Was that supposed to make it hurt less? Make it less lonely? Make him feel less guilty for the things he'd done?' Growling, he tossed back another drink.

 

“Are you looking for a date?” A twangy voice pulled him from his ruminations, he turned his head and stared down at the plump, overly made up, overly teased prostitute. “You look like you could use some company?” She said, pulling herself up on the bar stool next to him, her eyes fixed eagerly on the wad of money in front of him.. “Why don't you buy Candy a drink and she can make all your worries disappear.”

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

“Hermione!” Harry waved at her from in front of the police station, his Auror robes had been replaced by a smart three piece business suit.

 

“Who are you meant to be?” She asked, looking him up and down.

 

“His Barrister.”

 

“Mmmm.” She grunted, gazing up at the formidable building. “What's going on? How long has he been here?”

 

“Over six hours we think.”

 

“What?” She gasped. “Why didn't anyone call me sooner?”

 

“We didn't know.” Harry sighed. “You never said he was your patient.”

 

“Well I couldn't, could I? Doctor, patient confidentiality? Ever heard of it? So how did you find me?”

 

“McGonagall.”

 

“He called McGonagall? How? I didn't think she had a mobile.”

 

“She doesn't.” Harry sighed.

 

“So how..............................? Her voice trailed off, confused.

 

“That's what took so bloody long.” Harry growled, clearly annoyed. “Snape called Draco, who apparently does have a mobile, but had no idea what to do to help, so he sat on the information for a few hours before finally deciding to tell his father. The senior Mr. Malfoy, for reasons best known only to himself, decided not to do anything at all. Fortunately he happened to mention to Narcissa that Snape was in Muggle jail. Narcissa flooed McGonagall, who in turn flooed me, and I called you. So now,” he pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily, “he's been in Muggle custody for over 6 hours and we have no idea how we're going to contain the incident.”

 

“Well what happened? Why was he arrested in the first place?”

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

He closed his eyes and moved his hips slowly, feeling the wonderful wet squeeze on his swollen cock. Licking his lips, he watched in his minds eye as the image of Lily formed before him, her red hair spread out across a clean white pillow, her green eyes filled with lust as she gazed up at him.

 

“Oh fuck.” Gripping the plump prostitute's hips tightly, he thrust rapidly, keeping the image of a naked Lily before him. He frowned when the scene suddenly shifted and red hair slowly morphed to brown, it's length retreating, Green eyes became whiskey brown as he stared down into the face of Hermione Granger.

 

“Fuck.” He groaned low in his throat, his rhythm faltering as he tried to turn his mind back to Lily.

 

“Severus.” His fantasy Hermione moaned, suddenly on her hands and knees before him, his hand buried in her soft hair.

 

“Lordy but you can fuck.” The prostitute moaned, pulling him back to reality. “If I'd have known yer cock was this big, I might'd offered you half price. Keep hittin' me sweet spot like yer doin' and I think I might even come.”

 

Severus eyes flew open and he gazed down in horror at the plump woman before him. He yanked his hand out of her teased and spray sticky hair. Closing his eyes tight, he tried to pull back the image of Hermione. His eyes flew open again when the whore moaned loudly.

 

“Shut up.” He growled, pressing her head and face down into the dirty mattress. “I'm paying you to fuck not to talk.”

 

“Whatever you say, deary.” The prostitute moaned again. “It's your bob.”

 

Holding her head down, he moved his hips brutally; trying desperately to return to the image of Hermione, or even Lily; anyone but this trollop before him, but it was no use, the moment was gone. His balls ached and he was ready to come. Growling, he moved his hips rapidly, chasing his release. He was vaguely aware when the prostitute cried out and came, her walls squeezing and flexing around him. Throwing his head back, he roared loudly as he climaxed, his cock jerking as it emptied inside of her.

 

Pulling up his trousers, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wad of cash. Peeling off some bills he handed them to her, returning the rest to his pocket.

 

“Pleasure doing business with you. It's not often a punter can make me come.” She giggled almost girlishly. “Don't forget old Candy the next time you're looking for some slap and tickle.”

 

Stumbling a little, he slammed the door to the room, wanting to put as much distance between himself and 'old Candy' as he could. Stepping out into the cool night air, he took several deep breaths, trying to clear away the stink of stale sex from his nostrils. A gravely voice spoke out from the shadow of the old building.

 

“Why don't you step on over 'ere and gimme all yer money.”

 

“It's in his front trouser pocket.” Candy's voice said from behind him.

 

Whirling around, Severus recognized the bartender from the pub, he was holding a pistol pointed directly at his chest. “I ain't got all night.” The man growled, motioning with his gun. “Gimme yer money. Now.”


	8. Chapter 8

"He was robbed at gun point?" Hermione exclaimed, clearly shocked. "Then why is he under arrest?" Her eyes narrowed in confusion as she looked around. "Where's Ron? I thought you said he was here."

"I sent him to the Muggle Hospital."

"Hospital?"

"The bartender is in a coma and he broke the woman's arm, Hermione." Harry shook his head in exasperation.

"But how? He doesn't have a wand and his magic's been suspended."

"Apparently Snape doesn't need magic to be dangerous." Harry frowned as his mobile rang loudly. "Hang on a second. Potter. Uh huh, uh huh. She's here now. I haven't had a chance to go over the plan with her yet. Uh huh." He paused, listening. "No, I'm not calling him in until I see what we're dealing with. Uh huh. Well just sit tight and I'll let you know as soon as I know." He pressed a button and returned the phone to his pocket. "That was Ron. The bartender is in really bad shape, the Muggles don't think he's going to make it, but our healer thinks she can set him back to normal. We're not even worried about the prostitute, a broken arm's nothing. Even Ron can fix that. So here's what we're going to do..."

The Sergeant glared down at them. "Help you?" He barked.

"Yes. I'm Harry Potter." He handed over a business card. "I believe you are holding my client here, Severus Snape?"

"Who's she." He jerked his head at Hermione.

"This is Dr. Granger, Mr. Snape's psychiatrist."

"Wait here." He grunted. A few seconds later they heard a buzzing sound and a door opened. "Follow me." He led them down a small hallway. Glancing around, both Harry and Hermione noted that most of the offices and rooms were dark and quiet. The constable opened a door and ushered them into a small, windowless room. "Have a seat." He pointed to the table in the center of the room. He closed the door, leaving them alone. Harry placed a finger to his lips and pointed to a small camera in the corner. After a few moments the door opened and two men walked in, one wearing a suit, the other a uniform.

"Hello." He said, holding out a hand to them. "I am Detective Inspector Jamison and this is the Police Constable Cafferty. Hermione noted the large bruise on the side of the PC's face. "Why don't you have a seat."

"It's quiet here." Harry said conversationally, pulling out a chair and laying his briefcase on the table. "Where is everyone?"

"All out on patrol. There was a Derby Cup match today. We like to create a strong presence to discourage any violence." The inspector said, taking the seat across from Harry. He opened a file and scanned the documents, Harry glanced sideways at Hermione and gave her a knowing nod. "Now before we bring in your client, I'd like to run over the charges with you."

"Of course." Harry opened his briefcase and pulled out a legal pad and pen.

"You're Mr. Snape's psychiatrist" The Inspector glanced up at Hermione. She nodded her head in affirmation. "What is he being treated for, if I may ask?"

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." She answered softly.

"Hmmm." He grunted, making a note to the file. "Is he military?"

Hermione glanced nervously at Harry before nodding her head, 'Yes."

"Well that explains a few thing." The man muttered, almost to himself. "Your client is being charged with aggravated assault, resisting arrest and assaulting 3 constables. Should Mr. Toliver die, he will charged with involuntary manslaughter.

"May I see my client now?" Harry said, writing something on the legal pad. "And I'd also like to see the other two police constables involved, if they are available."

The Inspector and the PC stared at one another in silent conversation, nodding, the uniformed man stood and left the room. A moment later he led a handcuffed Snape, followed by two other PC's into the cramped room. Snape raised a silent eyebrow at the sight of Harry and Hermione.

Hermione's eyes quickly assessed Snape's injuries, both hands were cut and bleeding, the swelling on his right hand suggested it was broken. His lip was bleeding and his right eye swollen and puffy. The PC pushed him roughly into the empty chair next to Harry. Her eyes widened as she glanced at the other PC's injuries. One man's eye was swollen almost closed and his lip was bleeding, while the other held a cloth to an obviously broken nose. 'Three on one and he did that much damage? Bloody hell.' She thought.

"Has bail been set?" Harry asked, his left hand was resting on the table, his right hand out of sight, under the table. When he glanced over at Hermione, he saw that her wand hand was also hidden from the Muggles view.

"I've entered his information into the court's docket. He'll see the judge tomorrow morning at 9:00." He glanced down to consult his notes. "These are some very serious cha..."

"Stupify." Harry and Hermione shouted, standing and pointing their wands at the four men; the two sitting collapsed, heads on the table, while the other two fell to the floor with a thud.

"It's about fucking time you got here." Snape growled. "Get these fucking handcuffs off me, I think my hand is broken."

Harry glared at him and grabbed the file folder off the table, flipping through it quickly, he placed it in his briefcase and shut the lid.

Hermione pulled the keys from the Inspector's coat pocket. "Here you are." She said, gently unlocking the metal bracelets. "Who are you calling." She glanced over at Harry who was on his mobile.

"Computer hacker." He said sharply. "We need you now, my coordinates, two feet to the left, be precise, it's a small space."

Hermione squealed and jumped back, bumping into Snape at the loud crack of apparition. She stared in confusion at the young man now standing in the corner of the small room. "Who's he?" She turned to Harry.

"Where is it?" The skinny young man asked, ignoring Hermione and pushing his glasses back up on his nose. His accent was American and he didn't look like he was more then fifteen years old.

"It's in the front, there should only be one constable you'll need to handle. Stun him and I'll deal with him later. Erase everything, don't forget the camera." Harry said, pulling open the door for him. "I'll take care of these gentleman and then join you in a few minutes.

The young man nodded curtly and left the room.

"Who was that?" Hermione asked again.

"American Muggleborn. His name is Tommy and he's a computer genius. We recruited him last year to work for the Auror office. He'll be able to wipe out any trace of Snape's existence in the Muggle's computers. Now you and Snape need to get out of here. Walk home. It isn't far from here, you should..."

"I know where I am Potter." Snape spit, glaring at his former student.

"Good." Harry glared back at him. "Then you should be able to stay out of trouble between here and home. Now get out of here so I can clean up your mess. We'll be heading to Hospital next. Hermione," his tone softened when he looked at his friend. "the Ministry will contact you tomorrow."

"Thanks Harry." She said softly. Turning to grab Snape's arm, he moved away from her grasp and out into the hall. As they walked through the lobby, she saw the Sergeant collapsed across the desk and Tommy tapping furiously at the computer. "Come on." She whispered, pushing open the large front doors.

"What the hell happened, Severus?" She asked, turning to look up at him as they walked along the darkened street.

"They attacked me. I defended myself." He was holding his right hand cradled against his body.

"You broke the woman's arm."

"That was an accident." He shook his head sadly. "After I lamped that bastard, he dropped the gun. She picked it up and pointed at me. I wasn't about to let her shoot my bullocks off. I had to get it away from her. She shouldn't have fought me."

"And the Police Constable's?"

He shrugged his shoulders and stared off down the darkened street.

"The bartender's in a coma. He may die." She stared up at him, waiting for a response. Severus," She stopped walking, "did you hear me?"

"Yes. I heard you, Hermione." He spat out her name. "He may die. Do you honestly think he's the first person I've killed?"

"I..." She started to speak and then fell silent, her shock clearly written on her face. "I guess I didn't think about it."

"Of course you didn't." The dark man snorted in disgust, turning and walking away, his long legs carrying him quickly down the street. The small Witch had to run to catch up with him, nearly running into his back when he stopped abruptly. "We're here." He said softly.

She gazed up and down at the shabby exterior, before moving to climb the stairs. His voice stopped her. "Just where do you think you're going?"

"Inside." She rolled her eyes at the look on his face. "Do you want me to heal your hand or not?"

"Unless you're planning on manually resetting the bones and putting a cast on me, you'll have to do that out here. Magic ban?" He rolled his eyes sarcastically.

"On the whole house? I thought it was just on you. Well, come here." She pulled out her wand and took his hand gently in hers. "This might pinch a bit."

"Fuck, fuck fuckitty, bloody fuck." He roared as the bones in his hand snapped back into place.

"Oh do stop being such a baby." She said, standing on tiptoes and vanishing the bruise around his eye. "I told you it would hurt. There all better. I'll just be off now."

"You're not going to come in and check my house for liquor?"

"You're a grown man Severus." She sighed sadly. "And there's a Bargain Booze on every corner. I can't keep you from drinking, only you can do that. See you next appointment." She waved her hand briefly and turned on her heel, vanishing with a loud crack.


	9. Chapter 9

Hermione watched Harry as he moved around the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmald Place, boiling water and setting out tea. “I want you to give me Snape's memories. I want to return them to him.” She said, watching his reaction carefully.

 

“What?” Harry placed two cups of tea on the kitchen table. “Why?”

 

“Because they're his.”

 

“But he gave them to me.”

 

“When he thought he was dying.”

 

“Well whose fault is that?”

 

“Harry!” She narrowed her eyes. “I'm asking as a friend. Please.”

 

“Fine.” He sighed. “So what happened? The minister is furious.”

 

“It's a set back, it happens” She took a long drink of her tea. “We're making progress. We are.” She said more forcefully when he rolled his eyes skeptically. “You don't believe me?”

 

“It's not that I don't believe you Hermione.” He spoke gently. “I guess I'm just wondering if you're seeing progress because you want there to be progress.”

 

“What's that supposed to mean?” She demanded, her voice rising.

 

“Come on Hermione. I know you fancy him. You always have. That's why you......”

 

“Harry Potter you take that back.” She slammed her cup down on the scarred wooden table. “I am a counselor, he is my patient. Just what are you trying to insinuate?”

 

Harry stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. “Nothing. My mistake. Forget I said anything. I'll go get the memories for you.”

 

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

 

“What is that?” Snape's eyes narrowed at the glass vial on Hermione's desk as he lowered himself into the chair.

 

“Your memories. From the final battle.” She explained at his raised eyebrow. “You seemed concerned about them at our last session, so I asked Harry to give them to me. Not so fast.” She snatched the vial away from his reaching hand. “So that we can review them together. When you're ready.” She added quickly as a dark look passed over his face.

 

“What if I'm never ready.” He grumbled.

 

“You will be.”

 

“Have you heard from the Ministry?”

 

“I spoke to them this morning and explained that you are making progress, but it's a painful process and set backs are not uncommon.” She flipped open the file in front of her. “Both Muggles have made a full recovery, Harry's office was able to obliviate everyone involved, all the records have been purged. But.” She leaned towards him across her desk. “This is it. Your last chance. Next stop Azkaban. Do you understand?”

 

He nodded his head curtly.

 

“Good.” She smiled happily. “Let's move away from your parents, and away from Lily for now. What about other relationships?”

 

He raised his eyebrow sardonically.

 

“Oh come on Severus. Friends?” She sighed in frustration. “What about Lucius Malfoy. You and he are friends.”

 

“We were.”

 

“Were? You aren't now?”

 

“We had a falling out a few years ago. We are............rebuilding our friendship”

 

“What was the falling out about?”

 

He sighed and stared down at his hands. “I had sex with his wife.”

 

“What! Draco's mum?” She gasped in surprise before she could catch herself. “When? Why?”

 

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

“Sssssseverus so glad you could join ussss on sssuch short notice.” The Dark Lord spoke from his place at the head of the table. They were seated in Malfoy's Manor's ornate dining room. Draco, Narcissa and Lucius faced him across the table. Curiously absent were all the other Death Eaters.

 

He bowed his head deferentially. “It was no trouble at all, My Lord.”

 

“I will get sssstraight to the point.” The reptilian man hissed. “After careful consideration, I have decided it issss time to remove Albussss Dumbledore from power. Draco,” He turned his attention to the terrified boy. “I think you are perfect for this mission. Upon your return to Hogwartssss, you will kill him.”

 

The blonde teenagers eyes widened and his pale countenance blanched even whiter. “Yes My Lord.” He whispered, his voice barely audible.

 

“But My Lord. He is only a boy.” His father croaked, his face flushed with fear. “Surely someon.......”

 

“Are you questioning me again Luciusssss?”

 

“No My Lord.” The aristocrat's voice cracked with fear. “It's only.....”

 

“Only what, Luciussssss?” Fury dripped from the Dark Lord's voice. “Why must you always question me?”

 

“He is only sixteen, My Lord.” Lucius said softly, his eyes focused on the table in front of him.

 

“Enough. I have made my decision.” He waved a bony hand dismissively in the air. “Leave ussssss Draco.” The boy jumped eagerly from his chair and ran from the room. When he was gone, Lord Voldemort turned his snake like eyes to Lucius. “Why must you question me at every turn Luciussss? When I was losssst you denounced your loyalty to me. When I returned, you were among the lasssst to return to my ssssside.”

 

“But Severus....”

 

“Ssssseverus was at Hogwartsssss as I required him to be, serving me faithfully.” The Dark Lord lowered his voice, an evil smile played across his face. “You are too proud Luciusssss. You need to be punished, just as,” He turned his gaze to the Dark Haired Wizard, “Sssseverus should be rewarded for hisss loyalty.” He flicked his wand, the dining room table vanished and was replaced with a large bed. “Your punishment Luciussss, shall be hisss reward. Sssseverus, take Narissa. She issss yours for the evening. Luciusssss,” He flicked his wand again and leather straps appeared binding the blonde Wizard to his chair, “you shall watch.”

 

Severus bowed his head as if in gratitude, even as his mind recoiled. He had no desire to force himself on Narcissa. He hated forcing anyone, but Narcissa? She had always been kind to him, had always gone out of her way to befriend him. He glanced quickly at the horrified look on Lucius' face. But then again, how rich it would be to take something that belong to Mr. Perfect Malfoy. Lucius who always bragged of all the women he had bedded, all he women he could have that Severus couldn't. How empowering would it be to wipe that self satisfied smirk off the pompous aristocrat's handsome face? He was pulled from his thoughts by a soft hand on his shoulder, running down the length of his arm to gently take his hand. Looking up, he stared into the face of Narcissa. She did not look horrified. She looked curious, eager, vengeful. She tugged on his hand and pulled him to his feet.

 

Pressing her face against his, she whispered low in his ear. “For all the times he's cheated on me Severus, fuck me good, make me scream.” He shivered and felt his cock harden in his trousers when she ran her tongue along the shell of his ear. “Please.”

 

Growling low in his throat, he pressed his lips to her's, his tongue licking and tasting her full lips. His hands reached up, pulling and tearing at her robes. Narcissa met his kiss with equal vigor, her hands helping him remove her clothing.

 

“Ssssshe seems eager, Luciusssss.” The Dark Lord hissed. “Have you been neglecting your beautiful bride? It sssseems I have inadvertently rewarded her as well.” He laughed at the look of rage on Lucius' face.

 

Naked, Narcissa dropped to her knees and gazed up at him. Growling, Severus pulled out his wand and magically removed his clothing. His cock jutted out hard and eager. He groaned softly when her hot wet tongue laved over him. Gripping his hips, she pushed gently, causing him to take a backwards, side ways step.

 

'Hell hath no fury.' He thought wryly when he saw that she had positioned him so Lucius would have the optimum view of his cock sliding down her throat. 'Poor Lucius. Paybacks can be a bitch.' His eyes rolled back in his head as Narcissa worked his cock with her tongue and her lips. 'Bloody hell.' He thought as she pressed forward, deep throating him like a pro. From beside him he could hear Lucius growl with anger, his feet stomping on the floor as he tried to break free of the straps.

 

“Oh no Luciussssss.” The Dark Lord hissed. “You will watch.”

 

Severus glanced over just in time to see the snakelike man yank Lucius head up by the roots of his blonde hair. “I don't want you to misssss a moment.”

 

“Fuck.” Snape moaned as Narcissa hand slid between his legs to gently squeeze his balls. At the rate she was going, he didn't think he would last much longer. Burying his hands into her hair, he gripped her head as he thrust deep into her throat. His cry of release joined with Lucius' roar of rage as he came, releasing jet after jet into Narcissa's waiting mouth. His body trembled as she swallowed frantically, draining him of all his juices. Still shaking, he collapsed onto the waiting bed, pulling her with him and into his arms.

 

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

“So Narcissa was a willing participant?” Hermione asked, her face pale.

 

“She seemed quite eager. I think she took a perverse pleasure in tormenting Lucius. It was the perfect opportunity to pay him back for all his indiscretions without incurring any blame for herself. It was a win, win situation for her.”

 

“But Voldemort didn't give her any choice in the matter, he didn't ask her if she wanted to have sex with you.”

 

“You make it sound like having sex with me was such a hardship. I made her come. Several times.”

 

“Still.” She whispered, almost to herself as she made several notes on her parchment. “You said something earlier that I want to go back to, you said you were worried you might have to force her.” She paused for a long moment before continuing. “Was that something you had done before, with other women?”

 

“I was a Death Eater, Hermione.” He wiped his hand across his forehead, his voice sounding weary. “What do you think we did on raids? Hand out lollies? Fortunately my teaching duties at Hogwarts kept me busy and unavailable for the vast majority of the raids. But there were times..........” Standing he walked across the floor and stared out the small window. “There were times when certain...........activities could not be avoided.”

 

They were interrupted by a soft knocking at the door. It opened and a young Wizard stuck his head in room. “Dr. Granger? I'm sorry to disturb you, but you have an urgent floo call.”

 

“Can't it wait?” She sighed, clearly annoyed.

 

“I'm sorry. They said it was an emergency.”

 

“I'll just be a moment, Severus.” She said standing and moving towards the door.

 

He was back sitting in the chair when she returned 10 minutes later. “I am so sorry for that interruption. So on Voldemort's orders you were forced to.......” She faltered for a moment before continuing, “rape. How did that make you feel?”

 

“It made me sick.” He growled. “How do you think it made me feel? I'm not some kind of a monster. I take no pleasure in forcing myself on someone. I did what I had to do to retain the Dark Lord's trust. That was my assignment, those were my orders. No one seemed to care how it made me feel, how it repulsed and disgusted me. How......” his voice cracked, “....guilty I felt after. How much I....hated myself.”

 

“By no one you mean Dumbledore? Did he know you were being forced to do these things?”

 

He nodded his head, his lips pressed into a thin, pale line.

 

“Well I think that's enough for today.” She said gently. “I know that it is difficult, but try not to drink. Try to remember the Serenity Prayer. You did not do these things because you wanted to or because you enjoyed it. You need to forgive yourself. We'll talk more tomorrow.”

 

She watched as he swept out of the room, a dull ache forming behind her eyes. There was so much she hadn't known, so much she still didn't know. Dumbledore was supposed to have been on the side of good. How could he have knowingly asked a man, who was supposed to be his friend, to commit rape and murder?

 

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~******

 

Stepping out into the bright sunshine, Severus took a deep breath and tried to force the disturbing images of screaming Muggles from his mind. His whole body craved the numbness only a good strong drink could provide him. Reaching into his pocket, he wrapped his hand around the white handkerchief that now contained several short brown hairs. Forcing away the unpleasant thoughts, he allowed his mind to fill pleasantly with the image of Hermione Granger reaching for him, pulling him into her arms, a welcome smile on her face.


	10. Chapter 10

"How are you feeling today? I know yesterday's session was difficult for you."

"It's fine." He growled, rubbing a trembling hand across his forehead.

She glanced up and stared at him, silently appraising his condition. "Any nightmares or withdrawal symptoms?"

"Nothing I can't handle."

She nodded and made a quick note in the file. "We were talking about relationships, friendships." She paused and stared off into space. "What about woman?"

"What about them?"

"Well I know you've said you frequent prostitutes and that you counted Narcissa Malfoy as a friend. You..." she paused, choosing her words carefully, "...cared very deeply for Lily, but those feeling were not returned, beyond friendship..."

"Is there a point to this?" He sneered.

"Yes. And I was getting to it if you hadn't interrupted me...what about romance?"

"What about it?"

"Well surely at some point in your life there was someone you were attracted to? Someone you made love to and didn't just 'fuck'. Someone you felt a connection with?" She watched in wonder as his face softened and a small smile turned up the corner's of his lips. "What? Tell me?"

"Mary." He said wistfully. "She was American. I met her when I was there on my apprenticeship. She was another potions student."

"Was she your first?"

"Merlin no." He scoffed. "But she was...different then anyone I'd ever been with."

"Tell me about her."

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

"I want to welcome you all to the San Diego University of Wizardry. We are very honored to have you here. We'll be covering quite a bit of material over a very short period of time, but I think you will find it very exciting and rewarding."

Snape glanced around at the other four students standing with him in the potions lab; three Wizards and a Witch. He had already met them earlier when they had received their room assignments. His roommate, Lance, was a American Muggleborn from California. Tall, blonde and tan, he reminded Severus of James Potter. He had taken an instant dislike to him. The other two boys, Hugo from Durmstrang and Henri from Beauxbatons, were sharing a room. Henri was short and thick, Hugo studious and thin, his brown hair worn long and unkempt. Glancing through the curtain of his own long hair, he eyed the only female of the group. Her name was Mary and she was from some where in the middle of America, Illinois or Indiana, someplace like that. Blonde and blue eyed, she was a tiny, soft spoken little thing, barely reaching his chest. He was immediately smitten with her.

"So you're from London, huh?" His roommate asked as he lay sprawled across his bed, tossing a Muggle football in the air.

"Yes." Snape said as he slowly unpacked his bag, moving across the room to hang up his robes.

"Did you get a load of that Mary fox? She looks all sweet and innocent, but let me tell you something about babes from the Mid-west. She was probably screwing her brains out in her Daddy's barn by the time she turned fifteen. I may have to bang her, give her a little treat, you know? You don't talk much do you?"

"No." He sneered, closing the closet drawer and turning his back on the young man.

As the weeks passed and classes progressed, much to his shock and Lance's chagrin, he found the little blonde Witch seeking him out, to sit with at dinner or to share his brewing station.

"She must think you're safe." Lance had grumbled one evening when they had returned to their room. "Why else would she pick the ugliest Dude here to bum around with?"

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

"You're here late." A soft musical voice said from behind him.

Nodding his head, he continued to stir the liquid in his cauldron with one hand while taking notes with the other. "I noticed something interesting this afternoon and I wanted to experiment with it a bit more."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" She asked, leaning against him to peer into the caldron, he was painfully aware of her breast pressing against his arm.

"I found that if you give a counterclockwise stir to every fifth clockwise you reach the required consistency approximately 17 minutes faster."

"You have the sexiest voice." She sighed, gazing up at him. "I could listen to you talk all day."

"It's the accent." He said, his face flushing pink. "Shall I read a list of potion's ingredients for you?"

"I wouldn't say 'No'." She said smiling, her own blush coloring her face.

Turning his heated face away from her, he quickly packed away his notes and vanished the potion away. "I'm getting ready to head back to the dorms, are you ready to go?"

"Tomorrow's Saturday." She said as they walked across the quiet campus. "Lance asked me to go to the beach with him."

"That should be fun." He growled, his teeth clinched.

"I've never seen the Ocean before..." Her voice trailed off.

"But?"

"But I don't want to go with just Lance."

"You don't?" Severus stopped walking and stared down at her. "I would have thought he was just the type of bloke you Witch's all fancy."

"Eww. Not me." She crinkled up her nose. "He's not my type at all. I like my Wizard's tall, dark and handsome."

"Oh. So you'll be inviting Hugo then?" He teased.

"No silly." She nudged him playfully. "I want you to go with us."

They had reached the dormitories, he looked up at the sky before gazing down at her. "I think Lance wants to be alone with you."

"Well I don't want to be alone with him." She pouted. "Please Severus, please say you'll go."

"I'll think about it." He whispered softly.

The next morning Severus was seated at his desk, reviewing his notes, while Lance moved around preparing for his day at the beach. "Today's the day, London boy, I'm going to make my move on Mary. Before she knows it she'll be flat on her back screaming my name." He chuckled. They both looked up at the soft knock on the door.

"Hey Mary." Lance smiled. "I'm all ready, let's go."

"Can you just meet me downstairs?" She said, stepping into the room. "I need to ask Severus something. Hugo and Henri are already waiting."

Snape bit back a chuckle at the crestfallen look on Lance's face at the mention of the other two students.

"Fine." He grunted, throwing his towel over a broad tanned shoulder and slamming the door behind him.

"You're not dressed." She said.

"I'm not naked." He glanced down at his white shirt and black trousers.

"For the beach." She rolled her eyes and blushed prettily.

"I don't have a swimming costume."

"We'll transfigure something for you."

"I don't know how to swim." He said softly, avoiding her gaze.

"I'll protect you." She whispered, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Please Severus? I don't want to go if you don't."

"Alright." He nodded his head. She looked so pretty in her terry cloth beach dress. "What should I wear?"

"Hmmm." She frowned. "Do you have any jeans."

He nodded and went to the drawer, pulling out a faded pair of Levis.

"Perfect." She smiled, pulling out her wand and cutting the legs off at the thighs. "There you go." She tossed them to him. "Now hurry up, we're going to be late."

~~~~~******~~~~~*******~~~~~~******~~~~~******

Lance threw hateful looks at them as Mary spread out beach towels and pulled Severus down to join her. He felt anxious and awkward, his pale chest and legs bare and visible for everyone to see.

"I need to put on my sunglasses." Lance said loudly. "The glare off of Severus' chest is about to blind me. Don't they have any sun in England?"

"Just ignore him." Mary said, pulling off her dress and revealing a skimpy red bikini. "He just jealous." She eyed Severus' body critically. "But you are kinda pale. Let me put some sunscreen on you so you don't burn."

Severus blushed and wrapped his long arms around his bare legs.

"Don't be shy." She whispered, her pink lips brushing the shell of his ear. "I think you're sexy." He threw a smirk Lance's way when she dropped to her knees behind him and began to rub sunscreen on his shoulders and back. "Lay down and I'll get your front too." He struggled not to moan, when she straddled his waist and rubbed her hands across his bare chest and down to his stomach. His cock, hard and eager, throbbed against his jean cut offs. Smiling, she locked eyes with him as she moved down to his legs, her hands brushing across the straining front of his shorts. Slowly she rubbed the lotion into his thighs. "There. Now you won't burn." She said, lying down next to him on the blanket. "Now you do me."

Tossing another smirk in Lance's direction, Severus rose to his knees and squeezed some of the lotion into his hands. With his cock aching pleasantly, he rubbed his hands across her bare shoulder and down her back. Sliding his hands down to her waist, he rubbed down her sides, his hands brushing along the sides of her breasts.

"Wait a minute." Hermione said thoughtfully. "You were 20 then?"

"I was."

"Didn't you have the Dark Mark?"

He nodded his head and rubbed his left forearm in an unconscious gesture. "I got it when I turned 19."

"Well what did the other students think when they saw it?"

"They just thought it was a tattoo. Keep in mind the Dark Lord planned on dominating Europe before he turned his attention on the other continents, so he was unheard of in the States. I'm sure Hugo knew what it was; he never spoke to me again after that day at the beach, but he also never said anything to anyone else. Being from Durmstrang he understood the need for secrecy. Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I'm just trying to picture you in a pair of blue jean cut offs on the beach." She laughed. "Was she ever able to convince you to get in the water?"

"I think Mary could have convinced me to do almost anything at that point."


	11. Chapter 11

“ _Don't you trust me, Severus?”  Her hand felt hot in his as the cold water lapped at his toes.  He looked down at her, then out at the vast expanse of ocean behind her.  “I promise I'll hold onto you.”_

 

_Her blues eyes sparkled with delight as she walked backwards, pulling him farther and farther into the ocean._

 

“ _That's far enough.” He said, stopping when the water touched the tops of his thighs._

 

“ _Just a little farther? Please.” She pouted prettily._

 

_Sighing he moved out until the water lapped at his waist and Mary was treading water in front of him, no longer able to touch the ocean floor  “How are you supposed to hold on to me, if you can't even stand yourself?” He asked, holding tightly to her hands._

 

“ _We'll hold on to each other.” She said, wrapping her legs around his waist and pulling herself close to him.  He flushed red as his cock stiffened and pressed against her bikini clad bottom, knowing she could feel it.  “It's okay, Severus.” She whispered, moving  slowly against him.  “I like you too.”  With her arms around his neck, she pulled his face close to her's and kissed him gently.  Severus closed his eyes and kissed back, his hands sliding down to grasp her round bottom, his tongue sneaking out to lightly touch her lips.  He groaned softly when she opened her mouth to him and their tongues met, rubbing tenderly together.  “I want you, Severus.” She whispered, pressing her lips against his neck, her hand reaching down to rub against the front of his shorts._

 

_They held hands as they walked back to the campus, leaving a very unhappy Lance on the beach with Henri and Hugo.   Climbing the stairs to her room, he struggled not to rush, eager to get her alone and undressed._

 

“ _Ow.” He gasped, when she had closed the door and flung her arms around his shoulders.  “It stings.” He said, dropping his shirt to the floor and turning to look at his reddened shoulders in the mirror._

 

“ _You are looking a little pink.  I guess you needed some more sunscreen.  Come on.” She grabbed his hand and led him to the bathroom.  “You'll feel better after we shower.”  He raised an eyebrow and said nothing as she reached in and adjusted the water temperature.  With her back to him, she quickly shed her bikini top and wiggled out of the bottoms.  Standing under the water spray she held her hand out.  “Well what are you waiting for?”_

 

_Blushing slightly, he unfastened his shorts and pushed them off his hips.   Pushing back the curtain he stepped under the spray._

 

“ _Mmmmm.” She moaned, pressing against him and capturing his lips in a fierce kiss.  He groaned softly when she wrapped her hand around his cock and stroked him gently.  Reaching for the bar of soap, they each took turns working up a lather.  Using hands, lips and tongues, they carefully explored each other, rubbing, licking, biting and tasting.  Mary's sharp cry of pleasure echoed off the tiles as his soapy fingers moved between her legs._

 

“What? You can't stop there.”  Hermione laughed when she realized he had stopped speaking.

 

“A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.” He said, a small smirk on his lips.

 

“Since when?”  She threw the quill she held loosely in her hand at him.

 

“You're throwing things at me now? That's not very professional.”

 

“Fine.  At least tell me how you felt when you were with her.”

 

_He slid his hands down her bare arms and laced his fingers with hers.  Pressing his lips to hers, he kissed her tenderly, his tongue moving in out with the same slow rhythm as his hips. He moaned softly into her mouth as he moved his cock in and out of her tight heat._

 

“ _Severus.” She gasped when he broke the kiss, her small hands squeezing his tightly as she moved her hips in time with his slow thrusts.  “You feel so good.” She panted._

 

“ _You feel good too.” He whispered, trailing his lips and tongue down the side of her neck.  Releasing her hands, he pushed himself up on his arms and gazed down at her face as he moved inside of her._

 

“ _Oh.” She moaned, her hands now grasping his hips, urging him to move faster.  “So good, so close.”  He could feel her muscles tensing  in anticipation of her climax.  Locking his eyes with her's, he moved his hips; harder, faster, his balls throbbing painfully with his own need to come.  Her soft cries of pleasure thrilled him as he heard and felt her explode, her body thrashing beneath him as her muscles squeezed his cock in a vise like grip._

 

“ _Ohhh.” He hissed loudly as he came, his cock jerking as he emptied inside of her._

 

“Wanted.” He said softly, staring down at his hands. “She made me feel wanted.”

 

“She liked you.”

 

“She liked the accent.” He sighed.  “And she thought I was dark and mysterious.”

 

“Why do you do that?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Dismiss the idea that someone could just like you for you.  You did that before when you spoke of your Grandmother.  You said she was drunk and crazy.  Is it really so hard to believe that someone could just like you?”  She sighed when he didn't look up or answer.  “So what did Lance say when he knew you two were together?”

 

“I have no idea.  I moved my things into her room that evening and we didn't really talk to him for the remainder of the apprenticeship.”

 

“So you were with her when you learned of your mother's death?”

 

_He stared down at the parchment in his hand, completely oblivious to the angry owl pecking at his arm.  His heart seemed to have stopped beating and his whole body felt numb as the words swam across the paper._

 

_Regret to inform you of your mother's death....Father has been remanded into custody for manslaughter....Funeral services will be held........_

 

“ _Severus?”_

 

_He looked up at the sound of her voice, his face paler then normal, his black eyes staring and haunted._

 

“ _Are you okay?” She asked, stepping into the room and grabbing the jar of owl treats.  The large bird snatched the offering from her hand and flew out the window with a irritated 'Hoot'.  “What do you have there? Letter from home?”_

 

“ _What?  Yeah.”  He shook his head to clear away the fog.  “It's nothing.”  Snatching up his wand, he vanished the parchment away in a cloud of smoke.  He sat down heavily on edge of the bed, holding his arms out to her, beckoning her to come closer._

 

“ _Are you sure it's nothing.” She asked, stepping into his embrace.  “Because you look kind of freaked.”_

 

“ _I'm sure.” His breathy gasp barely audible as he grabbed the hem of her shirt, pushing it up and placing a trail of hot kisses along her stomach._

 

“ _What are you doing?” She laughed, pushing his head away and staring down into his black eyes._

 

“ _Please.” The word sounded almost like a sob as he stared up at her, his eyes pleading and needy._

 

_Confused and concerned, she lowered her head and placed her lips to his. Groaning he enveloped her in his large arms and pulled her down on the bed with him, his mouth and tongue urgent, almost desperate.  Never taking his mouth from hers for more then a second, he unfastened, unhooked and removed clothing until his body was pressed naked against hers.  Reaching between them, he ran his fingers along her wet folds before grabbing himself and pressing into her welcoming warmth.  A sound almost like a sob escaped his lips as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to him.  He buried his face against the side of her neck as she ran her hand up and down his back and whispered soothingly in his ear._

 

“ _It's okay. I've got you.” She cooed as he moved his hips, burying himself over and over inside of her, his thick cock running across her swollen clit bringing her quickly to the edge despite the lack of foreplay. “Oh Severus.” She groaned arching her back as her orgasm ripped through her, curling her toes and making her limbs feel heavy.  He moved his hands to her waist and gripped her tightly, his hips moving in quick, fast rabbit thrusts. He cried out, panting and sobbing in her ear as he came, the thick muscles in his back trembling._

 

“ _Better?” She whispered, brushing his black hair out of his eyes and running her thumbs across his damp cheeks._

 

“ _I am now.” He said, his voice thick with emotion as he hugged her tightly too him._

 

“ _You know you can tell me anything.”_

 

“ _I know, but not this.”_

 

“Did you love her?  Like you did Lily?”

 

“No.” He shook his head and frowned.  “But I think I could have, eventually, if only........

 

“If only what?”

 

“I could have stayed with her, in America.  If I could have put my life here behind me and started a new one, with her.”

 

“So why didn't you?”

 

“ _You have made a commitment to me Severus.” Albus Dumbledore's face floated amongst the green flames in the fireplace.  “You will return to Hogwarts at the end of your apprenticeship and that is final.”_

 

“ _But Sir.....”_

“ _There are no 'buts'.  Promises have been made, I will not discuss this with you any further.”  The old Wizard's face disappeared, leaving only flames._

 

His black eyes met her light brown ones across her desk.  “What promise?”  Her brow furrowed in confusion.

 

Sighing, Severus stood up and stepped across the small room.  He lifted the pensieve from the bookshelf and placed it carefully in the center of her desk.  Picking up the small vial, he held it up and stared silently at it, his face unreadable.

 

“Are you sure?” She whispered as he uncorked the bottle and poured the misty fluid into the large vessel.

 

“No.” He shook his head, his voice sounding soft and wistful.  Taking a deep breath, he held out his hand for her to take.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Hermione glanced around her and saw that they had arrived in a meadow near a small pond. Two tiny figures, a boy and a girl, lay beside the banks. "Is that...you?" She asked, staring up at the silent man beside her. He nodded his head. "And that's...?"

"Lily." His voice sounded hoarse.

" _How are things at your house?" The girl asked softly._

" _Fine."_

" _They're not arguing anymore?"_

Hermione's heart ached at the haunted, sad look on the little boy's face. She wanted to wrap him up in her arms and hug him tightly to her, whisper in his ear that it would all be okay,

" _Doesn't your Dad like magic?" Lily pressed._

" _He doesn't like anything much." Small Snape answered sadly._

The scene shifted and she immediately recognized the Hogwarts Express. Snape and Lily sat across from each other.

" _You'd better be in Slytherin." Young Severus said to the red haired girl._

" _Slytherin?" A boy's voice rang out, reeking of contempt._

"Harry." Hermione breathed out in a whisper, her eyes locked on a boy so like the one she would meet on the very same train her first day.

The dark man shook his head, his eyes dark with rage.

" _Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd rather go home wouldn't you?" The boy who would one day be Harry's father said, looking around the compartment._

" _My whole families been in Slytherin." Another boy answered._

"Sirius." Hermione looked from the two boys to Severus. Both James and Sirius had the air of being well cared for, while Severus' pale thin frame screamed of neglect. Without thinking, Hermione gently squeezed the hand that still held hers.

" _Where are you heading if you got the choice?" Sirius asked James._

" _Gryffindor." James said, holding his hand aloft as if it contained a sword. "Where dwell the brave at heart."_

Hermione's eyes narrowed with anger as she watched the two young boys tease and taunt Severus. _"See you around Snivillus." Sirius had called out, while James tried to trip him._

With a swirl of black the scene shifted to the Great Hall, a line of small first years waited for their turn with the Sorting Hat. Hermione scanned the group and located Severus just as a much younger Professor McGonagall called out Evans, Lily. She watched as the tiny girl settled herself on the stool. The hat shouted out "Gryffindor" before it had even touched her red hair. Hermione glanced back to the boy just in time to see his face fall with disappointment.

Again the scene shifted and Hermione saw that they were outside, in the courtyard. She was surprised when Snape pulled his hand free from hers and shook his head. "There are some things I do not wish to relive. I remember them all to clearly." He said darkly, turning to stare out towards the lake. She watched the muscle in his jaw flex and knew he would not be moved on this issue.

"I'll just be back then." She whispered, turning to walk towards a group of students. As she got closer, she recognized all the key players. Sirius, Lupin, James and Peter Pettigrew lounged casually beneath a tree, looking around she saw Lily, not to far away with a small group of girls. They were older now, teenagers.

James' voice rang out loud and clear in the open air. Hermione spun on her heel and gasped in horror. Severus hung upside down, dangling in mid air by his ankle. Students looked up from their leisure and study to laugh and point at him.

" _So who wants to see me remove Snivillus' trousers?" James yelled, waving his wand at the floating figure._

"Oh no," Hermione's hands flew to her face just as poor Severus' trousers vanished, exposing torn and stained pants. Hermione's cheeks flushed hot as she saw that he was barely contained inside the thin ancient material. 'Bloody hell. He's not just bragging, is he?' She thought as she watched the teenager struggle desperately to cover himself.

" _Oiy. You there. Leave him alone." A girl's voice cried out amongst the laughter and taunts._

'Oh no, no." Hermione thought as she watched Lily hurry over, her green eyes flashing angrily. 'How humiliating for him.' With Ron and Harry as best friends, Hermione had learned early on about the very delicate and fragile ego of males. A sure way to embarrass a teenage boy is to have a girl come to his rescue. Combine that with the fact that the girl he fancies, along with most of the school population, had front row seats to his torn, nasty pants and you have a very stressed and volatile teenage boy, one most likely to lash out in his mortification. Hermione flinched as he dropped to the ground with a thud. Her heart ached for him as she watched him struggle to his feet, wrapping his robes around his waist to cover his near nudity.

" _You are such a bleeding toerag James Potter." Lily yelled. "Are you okay Severus?" She turned to him as if to help or comfort him. Hermione cringed as he drew back from her violently, his face red with anger and humiliation._

" _Leave me alone. I don't need your help, Mudblood." The crowd fell silent as his words hung in the air._

"Oh bugger." Hermione moaned as she watched Lily's face shift from concerned to cold at the teen's words.

" _Well. If that's how you feel, I'll just leave you to it then." Lily's voice was icy. "I'll not bother you again Severus. Come on." She motioned to her friends and walked away, her whole posture rigid and angry._

Hermione was surprised when the mist swirled around her and she found herself in the stone corridor outside the Gryffindor common room.

" _I don't want to hear it, Severus." Lily's voice echoed through the hallway. She was standing in the hallway in her night clothes, a long bathrobe kept her warm against the Castle's chill. "The only reason I came out here is because they said you were threatening to stay out here all night._

" _I did and I will." Young Severus said, his voice nervous and anxious._

" _Well save your breath." Lily's face was cold, her tone angry. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. I won't do it anymore."_

" _No listen." The dark boy pleaded desperately. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Hermione could see the unshed tears glistening in his eyes._

" _Oh you didn't?" Lily laughed ruefully. "Why should I believe that? You call everyone of my birth that horrible name."_

" _But please Lily." The tears streamed down his face now. "We're friends, best friends. Please forgive me."_

Hermione's heart ached as she watched Lily shake her head. _"I can't Severus."_ She wished again that she could comfort the teen as Lily turned away from him and climbed back through the portrait hole, leaving him standing alone and crying.

"Bloody cow." She muttered softly, shaking her head in disgust. She glanced up when a large hand took her small one. "Did she ever forgive you."

"No." He said in a breathy whisper. The black mist enveloped them and the scene shifted again. They were outside, the wind whipped her hair across her face. Pushing it out of her eyes, Hermione saw Professor Dumbledore and a younger adult Snape. The latter was weeping openly.

" _The prophecy does not refer to a woman, but a boy, born at the end of July." Professor Dumbledore said._

" _But he thinks it's her." Snape's begged, his voice filled with torment. "He thinks it's HER son. Hide them. Hide them_ all."

Hermione's face blanched as Dumbledore stared down at the pleading man. _"What will you give me in return?"_

" _Anything."_

Snape pulled his hand from hers again as the scene changed and they found themselves at the bottom of a staircase, destruction and rubble all around them. Shaking his head, he pointed towards the version of his younger self, now making his way cautiously up the stairs. Hermione followed and had to choke back a scream when the young Snape bent down and placed his fingers against the neck of a fallen figure. Skirting past them, she recognized Harry's father, even in death she could see the shock and horror in his open and staring eyes.

Hermione's own eyes burned as she followed Snape through the open doorway. A crib was placed against the wall and a dark haired baby stood crying, his hand reaching, grasping towards the crumpled woman on the floor.

"Harry." She breathed, taking note of the angry red slash on the baby's forehead.

Her heart broke as she watched Professor Snape gather the fallen woman in his arms, his anguish evident as he clutched her to his chest, tears streaming down his face. Unable to stop her own tears and unable to bear the scene before her, Hermione turned and descended the stairs to where the adult Snape waited for her, pain written across his face.

"Don't." He hissed when she started to speak. She'd just barely grabbed his sleeve when he turned and scene dissolved around them. Expecting to return to her own office, Hermione was surprised to find herself in the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts. An inconsolable Severus Snape leaned against the wall weeping into his hands. _"You promised." He sobbed._

Dumbledore's voice was cold when he spoke. _"Lily and James put their trust in the wrong person, much like yourself Severus." His eyes crawled over the crying man. "Her boy survives. Her son lives. He has her eyes. You remember Lily's eyes Severus?"_

'You manipulative bastard.' Hermione thought bitterly as Dumbledore pressed on, twisting the knife that was already buried deep in the Potion Master's heart. _"If you loved her, if you truly loved her, your way is clear. Help me protect her son."_

" _Very well." Snape sighed, the pain in his voice palpable. "But I will have your word. No one can ever know."_

Hermione was surprised to see the look on Albus Dumbledore's face soften and grow sad. _"My word that I will never reveal the best of_ _you Severus? If that is what you wish, you shall have it."_

The scene shifted and Hermione was surprised to find that the were still in the Headmaster's office. Dumbledore sat slumped in his chair while Snape whispered incantations over his blackened and withered hand. _"Well this makes things much more straightforward." Dumbledore whispered weakly. "Does Lord Voldemort still intend on going forward with his plan for the poor Malfoy boy to kill me?"_

" _He is not expected to succeed." Snape said slowly. "It is merely meant as punishment for Lucius' failures."_

" _Well there is only one thing left to be done. You must kill me Severus."_

" _Would you like me to do it now?" Snape smirked._

" _Oh no, not yet." Dumbledore chuckled almost merrily. "When the time is right."_

_Hermione watched Snape's face as he slowly realized the old man was not joking. "If you don't mind dying, why not let Draco do it?"_

" _The boy's soul is not yet so damaged. I would not have it ripped apart on my account."_

" _And what of my soul?" Snape's voice rose angrily._

" _Only you know how it will effect you, Severus."_

The mist rose and swirled and again they were in Dumbledore's office. Snape paced back and forth, clearly upset. _"I thought we_ _were protecting him for Lily and now you are telling me he must die? That all we've done is keep him alive so he could die at the proper time like a pig for slaughter?"_

" _Don't tell me you've come to care for the boy?"_

Tears streamed down Hermione's face as Severus waved his arm and a patronus shaped like a doe sprang from the end of his wand to prance and leap around the room.

" _Lily?" Dumbledore's eyes widened. "After all this time?"_

Severus' rich baritone echoed in Hermione's ears as the mist swirled around her. Her legs felt weak as she sank, sobbing onto the floor of her office. _"Always."_ She opened her eyes just in time to see his long legs leaving her office.

 


	13. Chapter 13

"Snape."

Hermione sighed and tossed her mobile back onto her desk. Glancing at her watch she saw that their allotted hour was almost up. This was the third day he had failed to appear. Picking up her phone she dialed his mobile number again and listened. No greeting, no please leave a message, no thanks for calling; only his name in his distinctive baritone. She hung up and tossed the phone back onto her desk. Picking up a quill, she made a brief note to his file.

"Dr. Granger?" Her assistant said, poking his head inside the door.

"Anything?" She asked, struggling to keep the anxiety out of her voice.

"No." The young man shook his head, holding up a small brown barn owl. "He came back just like the others, with the letter still attached. Should I contact the Ministry about an emergency floo?"

"Not yet." The young witch sighed.

"But it's been three..."

"I know how long it's been." She snapped. "But I said no Ministry, not yet."

"Yes Ma'am." He nodded his head and backed quietly out the door.

"Oh Severus where are you?" She wondered as she walked across her office floor to gaze out the window. There was so much they needed to discuss. So many things to go over from the Pensieve. Where was he? Per departmental protocol, she should have already notified the Ministry after the second non appearance to his mandated counseling sessions. But she knew how thin the ice was between Severus Snape and the Ministry and this could very well get him sent to Azkaban. Sighing, she glanced at her watch again. If only he would come back so they could talk about it, she knew she could help him. He just needed to trust her. A soft tapping on her door interrupted her thoughts.

"Dr. Granger?"

"Is he here?" She asked hopefully.

"No. It's Mr. Weasley to see you."

"Oh." She sighed sadly, going to sit behind her desk again. "Show him in. Hi Ron." She smiled wearily as the red headed man barreled through her office door.

"Hey 'Mione." He smiled happily. "I was just on my way home and I wanted to stop by to see what time I should pick you up tonight?"

"Tonight?" She frowned in confusion. "What's tonight?"

"The Ball? The Ministry Ball? Please tell me you didn't forget." He sank heavily into the chair across from her desk. "You promised you'd go with me."

"Oh Ron." She leaned back and stared at the eager face of her childhood friend. Following the war they had tried to make a go of it as boyfriend and girlfriend. But for Hermione, at least, there had been no spark, no passion. Try as she might, she just couldn't see the young man as anything more then a close friend. "This isn't a very good time..."

"But you promised." He interrupted her. "You promised you'd be my date."

"Can't you get someone else to go?"

"No I can't." He said, his voice rising. "There isn't time. You can't back out on me now."

"Fine." She groaned. "I'll go."

"Great." He smiled, jumping out of his seat. "I'll pick you up at 7:00."

"I'll be ready." She sighed, pulling her appointment book towards her. Her last patient of the day was at 5:00, giving her barely an hour to get home and get ready. There would be no time to stop by Spinner's End and look for Snape she realized sadly.

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~~*****

Hermione stood off to the side, watching dancers glide gracefully across the floor. Immediately following dinner, Ron had deserted her in favor of his co workers and was currently involved in an animated conversation about Quidditch. Taking a sip of champagne, Hermione tried to appear at ease, when in fact she was worried sick about her missing patient. 'Did I push him too hard, rush him to view the memories too soon?' She wondered anxiously.

"All alone are we Ms. Granger?" A cultured purr spoke from beside her. Hermione turned her head and glanced at the elegant Wizard now standing next to her; his black Velvet robes were impeccable, a silver snake ring encrusted with emeralds sparkled on his finger.

"It's Dr. Granger, Mr. Malfoy and no, I'm here with a date."

"Ahhhh yes, Mr. Weasley." Lucius smirked down at her. "He's not being very attentive to your needs, is he, Doctor? A true Wizard would never leave a beautiful Witch such as yourself on her own, unattended."

"I'm perfectly fine on my own Mr. Malfoy. And speaking of unattended, where is your lovely wife?"

"Regrettably Narcissa was unable to attend this evening due to a prior engagement. So I am on my own." He gazed down at her, the corners of his lips turning up in a sultry smile. "Perhaps if I'm lucky that will change soon. Would you care to dance, Doctor?"

"No. I wouldn't. But thank you for asking." She stiffened, when he reached down and wrapped his large hand around her wrist.

"Oh come on." He said, tugging gently on her arm. "It's only a dance." He looked down at her, a pout on his handsome face. "Please. One dance. I've been told I'm quite good. "

Sighing wearily and ignoring the double entendre, she followed the aristocrat out onto the dance floor. He grabbed her hand in his and placed his other one at the small of her back, pulling her firmly to him. Rolling her eyes she allowed him to lead her around the dance floor.

"There isn't this nice." He smiled down at her.

"Nice. Right." She said sarcastically.

He chuckled low in his throat and she could feel the vibration in his chest. His breath blew hot against her neck as he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "You are looking very lovely this evening Doctor Granger. I love this dress, the color suits you. And I must say I was a bit dubious when Severus told me you'd cut your hair, but now that I've seen it," Hermione's eyes grew wide as she felt his fingers touch the short hair at the nape of her neck. "I find it quite enticing."

Pushing back on his chest she gazed up at him, her expression annoyed. "Alright, what are you playing at Malfoy?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, his voice dripping with innocence. "Am I not allowed to compliment a lovely Witch?"

"Not when that lovely Witch is a 'Mudblood.'" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'm shocked at your language, Doctor Granger. When have you ever heard me use such a foul word?"

"Never, but your son certainly learned it from somewhere."

"True. I suppose both Draco and I did fall prey to certain bad influences. But I assure you, I am a changed man now."

"Changed?"

"Completely." He pulled her close to him again and whispered against her neck. "Now all I see before me is a beautiful, intelligent and extremely desirable Witch." He lowered his voice. "Why don't you come out to the Veranda with me and I'll show you just how desirable I find you."

"You're not my type, Mr. Malfoy." She said, pushing herself away from his body.

"And what type is that?" He pressed his hand against the small of her back, pulling her back against him.

"Married." She growled through gritted teeth.

"Oh don't let my marital status cause you any concern. Narcissa and I frequently engage in outside liaisons." He gray eyes glimmered coldly as he stared down at her. "Hasn't Severus mentioned his little tryst with my wife during one of your counseling sessions?"

Hermione stiffened and she tried again to pull away from the blonde Wizard's embrace. "What Severus and I discuss is none of your business Mr. Malfoy."

"It isn't?" He raised an eyebrow and tightened his grip on her. "As his oldest and dearest friend I just can't help but wonder what you do-gooders at the Ministry are trying to do to the poor sod, cure him or kill him."

"What are you going on about?" She hissed, no longer trying to hide her irritation.

"I saw him just the other day and I've never seen him so miserable." Lucius sighed dramatically.

"You saw him? Where?" Hermione demanded.

"Why Doctor Granger. You sound shocked, surprised even. Almost like you were worried." Lucius drawled loudly enough for those around them to hear. "Has Severus not be reporting to his mandatory counseling sessions?" His eyes glinted wickedly even as his face was schooled into a mask of feigned concern.

"Oh bloody fuck." Hermione groaned grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door leading to the outside Veranda.

"See I knew you wanted to be alone with me." He leered at her as she pushed him through the door.

"Cut the crap Malfoy." She growled, pushing him up against the railing. "Where did you see Severus."

"Mmmmm I love it when you play rough." He purred, making a swipe at her waist. She danced out of his reach and folded her arms across her chest.

"I'm serious Lucius. I'm worried about him." She whispered. "Please."

He leaned back against the railing and made a great show of examining his manicure. "You're not being very nice."

Taking a deep breath, Hermione schooled her features into a flirty pout and batted her eyelashes. Swallowing back her disgust, she took a small step closer to the Wizard and gazed up at him. "I'm sorry Lucius. I haven't been very nice to you have I? I'm just so worried about Severus and I don't want to get in any trouble with the Ministry. You understand? Won't you please help me?"

"Come closer and I will."

Choking back a sigh, Hermione took a tentative step towards him.

"Closer." He purred, his gray eyes crawling up and down her body. Hermione took another step forward and tried not to cry out when he grabbed her arm and pressed her up against the railing, blocking her escape with his arms.

"There, that's better." He smiled smugly. "I was with Severus just the other evening. Seems the poor boy was positively desperate for some decent Wizard made whiskey."

And you gave it to him?" She exclaimed, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Well of course I did. No offense to your...birth people, but that muggle made whiskey will rot your guts out."

"Where was he?" She had to struggle to keep the anger out of her voice.

"At that hovel he calls a home."

"And you took him whiskey?"

"Six bottles of Old Ogden's finest. Well he couldn't very well come to my Manor, what with the restrictions the Ministry has placed on him. The poor bastard can't even apparate for Merlin's sake. I had no choice but to go to him. We got absolutely pissed." He chuckled in amusement. "He's very, very upset with you."

"How could you give him whiskey?" She could no longer hide the irritation in her voice. "He's an alcoholic Lucius."

Lucius' handsome face grew cold, his eyes narrowed as he stared down at her. "Severus Snape is a powerful Wizard. He would never succumb to a muggle weakness."

"It's not a weakness, it's a disease." She whispered, suddenly aware of her surroundings. Glancing quickly around the Veranda she saw that they were very alone.

Lucius pressed closer to her, a predatory look on his face. "I grow bored with this conversation." He said leaning close to her. "Let's discuss how I plan on ravaging you instead."

"Don't be ridiculous." She laughed nervously. "You don't really want me."

"Oh but I do. An injustice has been done to me and I plan on making it right." He raised a hand and ran his fingers through her short brown hair. "Severus Snape helped himself to my wife..."

"At Voldemort's request."

"Is that what he told you?" She stared up at him, too frightened to speak. "And you believed him?" Lucius shook his head in disbelief. When he spoke again, his voice was cold. "Severus Snape helped himself to what is mine and now I will help myself to what is his."

"You're insane." She said, trying to move away from his grasp. "I'm not 'his', I'm just his Doctor."

"Ahhhh but he wants you. Just think how devastated he'll be when he finds out I got to you first." He leaned down and pressed his lips against her throat.

"He doesn't want me." She gasped, struggling to push him away. "He loves Lily. He always will."

Lucius chuckled, his lips brushing against her neck. "You are so naive MS. Granger." He purposely omitted her title. "He may have wanted Lily once. But now it's you he desires, you he dreams about. I don't know why his obsession changed from the Potter bitch to you. I only know it has. Now," he grabbed her waist and pulled her tightly to him, she could feel his arousal pressing against her legs. "shall we disapparate to your flat or should I just take you here?"

"You're crazy." She said, trying to push him away again. A loud ringing noise made him flinch and loosen his grasp. In the moment he was distracted by the strident ringing of her mobile, she skirted under his arm and away from him, grabbing for her wand. "Just hold it right there Mr. Malfoy." She said pointing her wand at him. "Do not move or I'll blow your balls off." Her hand stayed steady as her other fished her ringing phone from her bag.

"You wouldn't dare." He growled.

"Wanna try me?" She pulled her phone out and thumbed it on, her eyes never leaving his. "Hello? Yes, this is she. Yes, I am." Her voice grew pale as she listened. "Thank you so much for calling me. I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up the phone and glared at Lucius. "That was Queen's Hospital. You've probably never heard of it, it's muggle. Severus is there. He's in a coma. Alcohol poisoning they think. That's what you've done to your 'oldest and dearest' friend. Now," she sighed heavily. "I know you far better then you realize, Lucius Malfoy. I know exactly what you are doing and why. I wondered at first why you never contacted anyone when Draco told you Severus was in jail. But I see now. You wanted him to sit in jail. You are angry because he fucked your wife and she liked it."

"You think you're so clever." Lucius' cultured voice shook with rage. "What if I tell dear Severus you had sex with me anyway? Who do you think he'll believe, hmmm? Surely you realize by now the issues he has with trust? Particularly where woman are concerned."

"You stay away from Severus Snape." Hermione hissed. "If you don't, mark my words, I'll see you in Azkaban for attempted rape."

"Hermione. There you are." Ron's voice called across the Veranda. "I've been looking all over for you." He looked warily from Hermione to Lucius and back again. "Are you alright?"

"Fine Ron. I just needed to discuss an important matter with Mr. Malfoy. But we're all clear now aren't we?" She stared pointedly at the blonde Wizard.

"Very clear, Dr. Granger." He growled.

"Good. Now Ron, I'm so sorry, but I've got to go. Emergency with one of my patients. I'll call you later." She spun on her heel and disappeared with a crack.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Hermione pulled open the Hospital door and glanced up and down the sterile hallway. Spotting the sign for admissions she hurried up to the counter. The attendant glanced up and raised an eyebrow at her ballgown attire. "Can I help you?"

"Yes. My name is Dr. Hermione Granger. I was told one of my patients is here, Severus Snape?"

She typed on a computer and stared at the screen for a moment. "Yes Doctor. He's in intensive care, third floor. Just follow this hallway, the lifts are to your left. Someone at the nurse's station will be able to help you."

"Thank you." Hermione hurried away, her heels clacking loudly on the tile floor.

The nurses station was directly across from the lift. "Can I help you?" A nurse asked in a hushed tone.

"I'm Hermione Granger. I was told one of my patients is in the ICU, Severus Snape?"

The nurse lifted a file and flipped through some pages. "They're still working on him. Why don't you have a seat in the waiting area and a someone will be in to speak with you shortly."

Hermione nodded her head. "Excuse me? If I may, how did he get here?"

The nurse flipped to the front of his chart. It says his neighbor found him and called for an ambulance. I believe she's still in the waiting area."

"Thank you." Hermione whispered.

She entered the tiny room and saw an elderly woman seated on one of the plastic chairs. She looked up, her round face worried, as Hermione approached. "Excuse me, but I'm Dr. Granger..."

"Oh Dr. Granger." The woman exclaimed, interrupting her. "I'm so sorry to have bothered you and you were at a party." She frowned, taking in Hermione's attire. "But I didn't know who to call and your card was in his wallet. He doesn't have anyone else, the poor dear."

"No it's quite alright." Hermione said, lowering herself onto the seat next to her. "I'm glad you called me. What happened?"

"Oh I don't know." The woman shook her head. "He was out in his back garden, yelling at the top of his voice, waving this stick around. I went to help him, but he didn't seem to recognize me. Called me Minerva I think it was. Well I could smell the whiskey on him. It was like he didn't know where he was. I was so frightened."

"You're his neighbor?"

"Oh I'm sorry, where are my manners. I'm still a bit shaken. I'm Mrs. Harvy." She held out her hand to Hermione. "I've lived next door to the Snape's for, goodness, over 40 years."

Hermione shook her hand. "Please call me Hermione. You said he was yelling and waving a stick? Could you understand what he was saying?"

"It was terrifying. He said some bumbling whores had used him and betrayed him. Then he was yelling at someone called the "Dark Lord" and saying he'd kill him. He kept saying that over and over 'I kill you, I'll kill them all."

"Oh my. Did you feel threatened?"

"No." She shook her head. "That was the really odd thing. It was almost like he was trying to protect me. He told me to stand back and then he waved the stick and yelled "Abracadabra". I tried to help him, but he just collapsed, unconscious. Well I ran into the house straight away and rang for an ambulance."

"He was lucky you were there." Hermione said, reaching over and patting her arm. The both looked up as a dark haired man in a white coat approached them.

"Are one of you Dr. Granger? I'm Mr. Geiger, Mr. Snape's consultant."

"I'm Dr. Granger." Hermione said anxiously. "How is he?"

"Not good." The consultant shook his head. "Quite frankly we're amazed he's still alive. His blood alcohol level was .53, which is over 5 times the legal limit. Death usually occurs at .50. Upon arrival he experienced several seizures which we were able to control, but he's slipped into a coma. We're going to perform a gastric irrigation to remove and flush out the contents of his stomach. We'll give him fluids and we'll probably have to keep him intubated. His respiratory system is depressed and he's having trouble breathing on his own. We're hoping once the toxins are out of his stomach and with enough fluid he'll wake up sometime in the next few hours. It's too soon to tell if there's been any permanent brain damage. If he responds well to treatment, we'd like to give him a round of dialysis. Both his kidney's and his liver have been severely compromised."

"Can I see him?" Hermione asked, her voice choked with tears.

The consultant glanced at the chart. "We're still working on him. Let us get him stabilized and I'll come find you."

Hermione nodded and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Thank you."

When he was gone, she took a shaky breath and slumped down in the chair. Mrs. Harvy reached over and patted her hand. "He'll be okay dear. You wait and see. He's a strong lad. Have you known him long?"

"I have actually, a very long time."

"And you're his doctor?"

"His counselor."

"Well I haven't seen him since he was little, but it doesn't surprise me a bit that he has troubles. Not with the way his parents treated him." Her pleasant voice had grown hard.

"He doesn't like to talk about his parents." Hermione said softly.

"I don't blame him. I don't like to speak ill of the dead, but they were horrible people. Just horrible." She shook her head in disgust.

"You said you knew him when he was little. How old was he?"

"Three, maybe younger. He was just the cutest little thing."

"He was?" Hermione's eyes grew wide as she tried to picture Snape as a toddler. It had been strange enough seeing him as a boy of eleven.

"Oh yes. Beautiful dark eyes and that gorgeous black hair and did he love to cuddle."

"Severus Snape? Loved to cuddle?"

The woman laughed at the shocked look on Hermione's face. "I think he would have sat on my lap all day if I would have let him. 'Mrs. Harvy' he'd say, he never had the baby talk like so many of your toddlers do, 'Mrs. Harvy can you make a lap for me?' And I'd ask him, 'But don't you want biscuit Severus?' And he say 'If I can sit on your lap and eat it.' So that's what we'd do. He'd sit on my lap and eat a biscuit. He just couldn't get enough hugs and kisses." She took a deep breath and wiped away a tear that had trickled down her plump face. "Lord knows his parents only ever touched him to grab his arm or thump him. It's no wonder the poor boy was so starved for affection. I'm sorry." She said, pressing a hand to her mouth and sobbing softly. "I don't normally break down like this."

"It's alright." Hermione said gently, patting her arm. "It sounds like he was lucky to have you." She was surprised when the woman only cried harder. "What?"

"I let him down." She sobbed. "I didn't know what else to do. My husband told me to stay out of it, that it was none of my concern. I still feel guilty to this day. The look on that poor boy's face when I had to turn him away. It still breaks my heart."

"Would you like to talk about it?" Hermione whispered.

"Well I suppose I can tell you, since you're his Doctor." She sighed heavily and wiped her cheeks again. "He had been coming over to my yard, visiting with me, well since he was able to walk I guess. I seem to remember the first time he found his way through the fence to my yard he was still wearing a nappy. I didn't mind. Like I said, he was just the sweetest thing and I loved him to bits. His parents never seemed to miss him and I'd seen how the treated him. It was a summer day and he and I were out in my garden. He was helping me water my plants. It was a hot day and I was wearing shorts and a cozzy top." She smiled and flushed pink. "You probably can't tell it now, but I was a bit fit back in my day."

Hermione smiled and nodded, she could see the young girl's beauty still living inside the old woman's face.

"Well we were playing with the water, having a laugh and here comes old Tobias through the fence. He was rat arsed, as usual, and he grabs up poor Severus and swats him on the behind and sends him home."

"How dreadful." Hermione exclaimed.

She nodded her head. "He was a grotty minger. He turns to me and says since I always like to kiss and cuddle the boy, why don't he give me something to kiss and cuddle and he reaches down and grabs his pecker."

"Were you frightened?"

"A bit. But I was more cheesed off then anything. So I tell him I have a fine bloke to kiss and cuddle and if he didn't known that maybe I should send my husband 'round to set him straight. Well that shut him up. Tobias was tall, but he was scrawny. My husband was a big bloke. He was gentle by nature, but he was very protective of me."

"So what happened?"

"Well the next day Severus comes to visit like he always did and I asked him if he was alright and he said his Daddy beat him. He just looked so hurt and sad. I pulled on my lap and he cried and cried. It was pitiful. I had just got him calmed down and got him to smile a little when here comes Eileen stomping across the yard. She yanks poor Severus away from me, paddles him good, saying she told him not to bother me. I try to tell her he's never a bother, that I love having him and she turns on me and tells me to mind my own business and to stay away from her husband and to stay away from her son. Calls me every filthy name she can think of before she drags poor Severus off by the arm. After that, I didn't want any trouble and I didn't want the poor boy to be punished. So every time he came over I'd walk him back to the fence and send him home. I just about broke my heart. He was such a persistent little thing. It didn't matter how many spankings his parents gave him, he just kept coming back."

"For how long?"

"Almost a fortnight."

"What did you do?" Hermione gasped.

"Well my husband got tired of seeing me so upset, so one weekend he just boarded up that old hole in the fence. I heard him kicking up a fuss when he found out he couldn't get through and then," she sighed sadly, "he just gave up. I'd see him over there, sitting on his porch, staring down at his shoes and it was like he'd just turned inside of himself. It was the saddest thing."

"What happened to him?"

"As he got older, I saw less and less of him. I do remember him having a little girlfriend for a while. Pretty little red head. What was her name?" She rolled her eyes up in thought.

"Lily Evans." Hermione whispered, her voice husky.

"That's it." The old woman smiled happily. "Did he fancy her. I caught them kissing down by the old pond one time." She chuckled. "Cutest thing I ever saw. Then I just didn't see too much of him any more. I think he went away to school. I hope where ever he was they treated him better then his parents did. I always wondered what happened to him. And now he's back. It breaks my heart that he has troubles. I always hoped he was happy. Well," she took a deep breath and patted Hermione's knee, "at least he has you now."

"Oh no. You misunderstand." Hermione shook her head. "We're not together. He's my patient."

Hermione's eyes widened as Mrs. Harvy laughed out loud. "I may be old luv, but I can still tell when a girl fancies a bloke."

"No." She shook her head again. "I do not fancy Severus Snape."

"Right dear and you always leave a posh party because one of your patients is in Hospital?" She laughed as Hermione opened her mouth and then closed it again. "That's what I thought." Reaching into her pocket she pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen. Writing quickly she handed it to Hermione. "That's my number. Give us a ring dear and let me know how he's doing." She sighed and stood up.

"Are you leaving?" Hermione stood too and smiled as the old woman hugged her firmly.

"You're here now and it's way past my bedtime. Just give me a ring and let me know how he is. And please tell him when he gets home, if he needs anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask."

"I will." Hermione whispered, tears were streaming down her face again.

"Now don't you go doing that. He's going to be fine. I can feel it in my bones. Here comes that nice consultant man, maybe he has some news."

"Dr. Granger?" Mr. Geiger said softly. "If you'll come with me, I'll take you to his room. He's not awake yet, but I know you want to see him."

Hermione waved meekly as the older woman left the room. Taking a deep breath, she followed the consultant out into the hall.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Hermione stepped into the brightly lit room, her breath caught in throat. Despite growing up muggle, she had very little experience with muggle hospitals. She could only remember visiting one once; when one her  parent's colleagues had broken her leg and had to have surgery. That  cheerful room, filled with flowers and Get Well Cards had done nothing  to prepare her the stark reality of the Intensive Care Unit. Her brain  struggled to process everything she was seeing and hearing. Severus lay,   still and pale in the bed. His raven hair appeared even blacker against  the stark white pillow cases, the lower portion of his face was covered  by a plastic mask. Hermione watched as his chest rose and fell in tempo  with the loud hiss emanating from the machine positioned next to his  bed. Another machine issued rhythmic electronic beeps.

"What are those?" She whispered pointing to the strange contraptions.

"Heart  monitor and respirator." The consultant said. "The amount of alcohol in  his system has depressed his central nervous system and his  respiration, so he's unable to breathe on his own. We have him intubated and the respirator is breathing for him. We had some trouble getting  the tube inserted, he has some old scar tissue on his esophagus and  throat. Do you know what caused that?"

"What?" Hermione struggled to pull her eyes away from the terrifying sight before her and focus on what the man was saying.

"The damage to his throat and esophagus. Do you know what caused that?"

"Oh."  She mumbled. 'A giant poisonous snake controlled by an evil Wizard  almost killed him while he was fighting to save the Magical World'. She  thought wildly. "He was attacked by a dog when he was younger." She  improvised, her voice barely audible.

"Mmmmm.  It did significant damage." The man grunted, opening a file and making a  quick note. "We've flushed out his stomach and we're administering  fluids. We're hoping that with the alcohol out of his system, he should  snap out of it within the next few hours. We won't know until he wakes  up what permanent damage has been done."

"Permanent damage?" Hermione asked, her face pale and frightened.

"He had several seizures. There's just no way to tell if his brain's been affected."

"May I?" She motioned weakly towards the bed, tears streaming down her face.

"Of  course." His voice softened sympathetically. "There's a chair you can  use and here is the call button to the nurses station." He lifted a  plastic device and held it up for her. "Press this button if his  condition changes or he wakes up. There are no visiting restrictions in  the ICU, so feel free to stay as long as you like."

"Thank you." She whispered, her eyes riveted on the man in the bed.

She  waited until the consultant had left, closing the door behind him,  before she tiptoed to the bed. "Oh Severus. What have you done." She  whispered softly, reaching out to run her hand gently down the curve of  his skull. Her eyes darted over his still body, noting the tubes running  from his arms to bags filled with fluid hanging from a silver pole. She  realized suddenly that the muggle hospital gown left most of his arm bare, the sleeves stopping just  below his shoulders. She'd never seen that much of his bare arms before,   the gowns at St. Mungo's were far more modest, reaching almost to the elbows. She was surprised  by the muscle definition on his upper arms and biceps. The black hair on  his forearms stood out in stark relief against his pale skin. Turning  around she pulled the chair as close to the side of the bed as she  could. Lowering herself into it, she reached out and pulled her hand  back several times before finally settling it on top of his limp hand.

Blackness  surrounds him. His limbs feel heavy. A great weight seems to have  settled on his chest and he struggles to draw a breath. There's a  hissing noise, almost as if some great beast is lurking, hidden in the  darkness. 'Should he feel frightened?' He doesn't know. He only knows  that each movement is an effort. Suddenly a figure steps out of the  darkness. It is the Dark Lord, his breathing a ragged hiss; in, out, in,  out. He hears a voice begging, pleading and is surprised to recognize  it as his own deep baritone.

" _Let me find the boy. Let me bring him to you."_

'Why  is he begging?' He wonders. 'Does it really matter?' Has he not come to  terms with his inevitable fate? Perhaps death will bring him the  welcome relief he so desperately craves. No more pain, no more  loneliness, no more heartache; only peace.

He  watches as the huge snake lunges at him, her teeth long and sharp,  dripping with deadly venom. There's a dull pain in his throat, but it  doesn't hurt as much as he feared, more of a burning, heavy feeling. He  tries to draw a breath and discovers he can't.

"Severus."  A female voice calls out his name. Soft hands caress his cheeks and his  hair, a warm peaceful feeling washes over him.

"No Professor. Don't! Open your eyes." The voice sounds frightened.

'Why? I don't want to open my eyes.' He thinks. 'This is nice. I can't feel anything like this.'

"Professor!"  The voice calls again. Fingers pry open his lips and his mouth fills  with a thick, oily fluid. The pain in his throat returns as he struggles  to shallow. Bitter thick fluid slides down his throat, tasting like no  potion he's familiar with, salty and viscous. He chokes and tries to  swallow again.

'Go away. Leave me alone.' He tries to lash out with his arms, but he can't move.

"Severus."  The sweet voice is back, calling his name. Soft hands stroke his face  while tender lips press against his cheek. He can feel warmth, like  sunlight, on his face and arms. Opening his eyes, he blinks against the  brightness. Looking around himself, he sees he is naked, lying in a lush  green field; a field unlike any he's ever seen in his life. Soft hands  and lips caress his bare skin. Looking down he sees blonde hair.

"Mary."  He whispers, reaching down to stroke her head. As he touches her, the  hair turns flaming red, green eyes peer up at him. "Lily." He chokes, as  she crawls up his body, her breasts brushing against his chest and then  he's kissing her. Kissing her like he's never kissed her before, his  tongue tangles passionately with hers as his fingers delve into her long  red hair. She pulls away and he struggles to hold on. "No please don't  go." He closes his eyes as they fill with hot, burning tears.

"Professor." The sweet voice tickles his ear. Warm lips kiss across his cheeks and jawline. "Professor, open your eyes, look at me." Tender nibbles on his neck send shivers down his spine.

"No."  He whispered. "I don't want to look, I don't want to see." But his eyes  open anyway. He moans as he stares up into caramel colored eyes, his  fingers lost in a tangle of thick chestnut hair. "I can't be here like  this with you. Naked with you. It's wrong..." Lips press to his, a sweet  tongue rubbing against his, kissing, teasing. 'Maybe just one kiss.' He  tells himself. 'Surely one kiss can't be that bad when it feels this  good?" Groaning he buries his hands in her thick curls, his tongue  dances with hers and hands glide, touch, explore, flesh against flesh.  His sweet insufferable, know it all. An arm waves in the air, her face  desperate and eager for his attention. Brilliant, beautiful, tormenting,  tempting. His perfect little student...

'No.'  His mind screams. His eyes snap open and he is staring up at a stark  white ceiling. His head aches. The hissing breathing of the Dark Lord  has returned and he reaches for his wand, but there's nothing there. His  wand hand refuses to move, lying heavy on the bed next to him. Flexing  the fingers on his left hand, he struggles to lift his arm, his hand  falls heavily and his fingers feel soft, short hair, as soft against his  palm as he imagined it would be. The weight on his chest is back and  his throat burns like fire. Something is covering his face, filling his  mouth and throat.. Struggling again, he lifts his hand and tries to free  his face from the obstruction. Soft fingers wrap around his wrist and  her face fills his line of sight.

"Don't Professor." She says firmly. "You need to hold still." Tears fill her eyes as she stares down at him.

'She's  crying because we were naked together. Touching, feeling, kissing.' But  it was only a dream, he realizes, a dream like so many others. A  strange muggle woman swims into view.

"Welcome back." She smiles cheerfully. "You had us worried for a moment."

Hermione watched with a mixture of relief and horror as his hands come up to grab at the mask again.

"No."  The nurse grabbed his hands easily in one of hers. "Hold still and I'll  get this off you." She bends over and Hermione can hear the mechanical  whine as the bed raises, lifting him into a reclining position. Working  quickly, she removes the mask, leaving just the tube sticking out of his  mouth. " Are you with me Severus? I'm going to help you lean forward.  On the count of three, cough and I'll pull the tube out." Pressing her  hand against his back, she pushes him forward. "One, two, three, now  cough." He retches as she pulls the tube from his throat, she presses a  tissue into his hands as he chokes and coughs. "How are you feeling?"  She asked as she gently lowers him back onto the pillows.

"Water." He croaks, his voice weak and raspy.

Grabbing  a pitcher, she fills a small plastic cup with water. Placing a bendable  straw in to it she motions to Hermione. "Only a little while I go find  his consultant. Small sips, his stomach's going to be a bit tender at  first."

Hermione nodded and took the cup  from her outstretched hands. She stepped up to the bed and held the  straw to his lips. His black eyes stared up at her, unreadable, as he  took the straw into his mouth and drank gratefully. She glanced over her  shoulder and watched as the door swung closed, leaving them alone.  Setting the cup aside she quickly grabbed her beaded bag. Pulling out  her wand, she tapped the side of the bag and sighed gratefully as two  potion bottles soured into her hand.

"Here  drink this." She said, lifting his head and holding the bottle to his  lips. He could taste the familiar hangover potion as it slid down his  throat. "And this, but not too much, it's a healing potion. I don't want  them to get suspicious." He nodded and took a small sip before  collapsing back onto the pillows. "How are you feeling?" She asked,  tucking the bottles back into her bag and offering him another sip of  water.

"Like shit." He rasped, taking another small drink. "Thanks for asking."

Hermione  stepped back as the Consultant bustled into the room. He flashed a  small light into Severus' eyes and made a quick note on the chart.  Removing a stethoscope from around his neck, Hermione flushed pink at  the casual way he unfastened the hospital gown and lowered it, exposing  Professor Snape's bare chest. She glanced away, but not before she  caught sight of a toned, scarred chest, a smattering of black hair  between his nipples. Her heart thudded in her chest as she remembered  waking up with her head resting on the side of his bed, his large hand  stroking her hair. The voice of the consultant pulls her attention back  to the figure in the bed.

"What's your name?"

"Severus Tobias Snape."

"Mmm hmm." He made a quick note on the chart. "And your birthday Severus?"

"January 9, 1960."

"Very good." He held his hand up. "How many fingers do you see?"

"Two."

"Excellent and do you know what day it is?"

Severus frowned and shook his head, his eyes drooping weakly.

"That's  okay." The Consultant wrote quickly. "Were you trying to kill yourself  Severus?" He asks, without looking up from the chart.

Hermione watched as Snape's eyes widened and then grew tired again. "No." He breathed out in a quiet sigh.

"Alright.  I'm going to have a quick chat with Dr. Granger and then we're going to  let you get some sleep. In the morning we're going to run you through a  quick course of dialysis, to take some of the strain off your kidney's  and liver and then you should be able to go home. I don't want to see  you back here again." He flipped the chart closed with a snap. Smiling  weakly she followed him out into the hall.

"I'm  not going to mince words with you. Normally when someone comes here in  this type of condition, protocol mandates we refer then to Psychiatry  for an evaluation. Because you are here and you are his Doctor, treating  him for alcoholism, I'm going to ignore protocol this one time.  However," He paused, letting his words sink in, "if I see him back here  again, I will personally escort him for a mandatory 48 hour Psych  evaluation."

"Yes Sir." She whispered, lowering her eyes to the floor, feeling suddenly very young and incompetent.

"Well  I'll let you get back to him, I know you're worried." He said, his  voice kinder now. "He should try to get as much sleep as he can."

"Thank  you." She muttered, turning around to re enter the room. Without the  steady hiss of the respirator the room was much quieter. The nurse  dimmed the lights and slipped out, leaving Hermione and Severus alone.  She tiptoed hesitantly towards the bed.

"Do you always dress so formally when you visit muggle Hospitals?" He asked, his eyes raking up and down her body. "Or is this just for me?"

"I was at the Ministry Ball."

"Oh. Please extend my apologies to Mr. Weasley." He signed, closing his eyes wearily. "You didn't have to come."

"Yes I did." She whispered hoarsely, taking a few steps closer to the bed.

"How did I get here? Who called you?" He opened his eyes and watched her as she moved tentatively to his side.

"Your neighbor, Ms. Harvy, found you and called an Ambulance. They found my card in your wallet. Evidently you were fighting Lord Voldemort and all the Deatheaters in your back garden with a stick. Do you remember anything?"

"Not really." He shook his head.

She  had reached the side of his bed. Her face look tired and frightened.  "What were you trying to do Severus? Were you trying to hurt yourself?'

"I  wasn't trying to do anything." His eyes lowered, he looked exhausted.  "I just didn't want to think anymore." He whispered softly.

"About Lily?"

"About anything."

"You should get some sleep." She said, nodding her head.

"Go  home." He said. "I've taken up enough of your free time." He  interrupted her when she started to argue. "Go home. You don't need to  watch me sleep."

"But you'll be here alone."

"And I'll be fine. I'm a grown man. Go. Home." There was a finality in his voice.

"Fine." She sighed. "I'll be back tomorrow morning before you're released to take you home."

He  looked like he was going to argue until she narrowed her eyes at him.  "I'll be here." He smirked. "And Hermione?" She turned back her hand on  the door. "You look very lovely this evening."

She smiled, her cheeks flushing crimson. "Would you like some more water before I go?"

"No." He shook his head. "Just let me sleep."

She nodded her head and left the room, closing the door behind her.

 


	16. Chapter 16

He  was sleeping when Hermione peeked into the open door. Moving quietly,  she placed the rucksack she carried on the floor and slowly lowered  herself into the chair beside his bed. He was breathing deeply, his face  almost relaxed. As she watched him, his brow furrowed and his eyes  snapped open. He glanced warily around the room, before settling his  eyes on her.

"Good morning." She whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"Still a bit groggy." He said, his voice rough with sleep. "But better."

"Did you have the dialysis treatment?"

He nodded his head. "Early this morning."

"How was it?"

"Uneventful." He muttered. "Is there water?"

She rose from the chair and located the plastic pitcher, pouring out a cup full of water for him. "How does your stomach feel?"

"Fine." He took a sip from the straw. They both glanced up as a white coated man entered the room.

"Good  morning Mr. Snape." He said, grabbing the chart from the end of the  bed. "I'm Mr. Meyers and I'm going to check your vital signs and test  your cognitive functions, if every thing checks out you should be fine  to go home. Looking through your chart, your recuperative ability seems  nothing short of a miracle."

"I've always been something of a Wizard like that." He said drolly, making Hermione bite back a giggle.

Hermione  watched as the consultant checked his blood pressure and his eyesight.  She flushed crimson, but did not look away when he lowered the hospital  gown, once again exposing Severus' bare chest.

"How  many fingers do you see? What's your name? Do you know where you are?  What day is it?" Hermione listened with interest as Snape was asked and  answered each question.

"Who's the Prime Minister?"

"Kingsley..."

Her  heart jumped to her throat and her hand darted out to grab his arm.  "That's right Severus, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom." She  said, smiling weakly at the strange look the consultant gave her at her  bizarre behavior. "I wasn't sure if he heard the question correctly."  She muttered.

"Tony Blair." Snape answered and she let out a small sigh of relief.

"Excellent."  The consultant made a quick note to the chart. "Well everything checks  out. I'll send someone in with your release papers If you experience any  confusion or memory loss, feel free to contact us or consult your own  regular doctor."

After he had left the room, Hermione grabbed the rucksack and placed on the edge of the bed.

"What's that?" Severus asked.

"Clothes."

"My clothes?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well they're certainly not my clothes." She watched as he opened the bag and pulled out a t shirt and clean pants.

"You were in my house?" He growled. "How did you get into my house? You couldn't have unlocked it with magic."

"I nicked your keys before I left last night." She said, reaching into her pocket and dangling them from her finger.

He  glared angrily at her and snatched them out of her hand. "You had no  right to go into my home, into my bedroom and rummage through my  things."

"Oh settle down." She sighed.  "I didn't 'rummage' through anything. I merely opened your drawers and  pulled out the first t-shirt and first pair of pants I came across. Did  you want to go home starkers?"  She asked as he continued to glare at her. "Oh do stop glaring at me.  Your clothes from last night are in no fit condition for you to wear."

She tried not to smile as he mumbled under his breath. "Insufferable, cheeky, know it all little..."

"Severus!" She gasped when he suddenly threw back the covers and climbed from the bed, grabbing up the rucksack.

Pausing  he glanced over his shoulder at her. "You might want to avert your  eyes." He chuckled, making his way to the lavatory, his bare arse clearly visible through the gaping opening of the hospital gown.

"You're an arse." She called after him struggling to rid her mind of the image of his very attractive bottom.

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

Before  you ask, I'm doing a bit of DIY." He said as he led her through the  devastation of his living room and into the kitchen. Scraps of lumber  and paint tins littered the floors.

"I wondered what you were doing." She said, passing through the partially framed opening between the kitchen and parlor.

"I  have to find some way to occupy my time when I'm not drinking or  masturbating." He dropped the rucksack on the floor and opened a  cabinet. "Tea?"

"Yes. Thank you." She said, pulling out her mobile.

"Who are you calling?" He asked, filling the kettle and setting it on the stove.

"Mrs.  Harvy. What?" She sighed when he rolled his eyes. "She's worried about  you and she's a sweet lady. I had quite a lovely chat with her while you  were in a coma. Hello Mrs. Harvy? Yes, it's Hermione. He's home. He's  doing fine. Uh huh. Uh huh. I'll certainly tell him. Ta. Cheers." She  tossed her phone back in her bag. "You're to call her if you need  anything."

"Mmmm." He grunted, setting mugs and sugar onto the table.

"Do you remember going over to her yard when you were a baby?"

"Do  I remember something that happened over 40 years ago?" He repeated  lowering himself into a chair. "I'm sorry, I can't say that I do."

"She  said you just loved to kiss and cuddle." She teased, taking the spoon  and stirring her tea. He raised his cup slowly to his lips and stared  silently at her. "She also said she saw you and Lily kissing once."

"You  make it sound like we were snogging or something." He said. "We were  10. It was just a little kiss." He took another sip from his tea. "When  can I expect to hear from the ministry?"

"About this? Never I hope."

"What  do you mean 'never'? I was in a coma in a muggle Hospital. I was  fighting the Dark Lord and Death Eater in my back garden in front of a  muggle?"

"True, but she just thought you were a nutter."

"What about the coma and Hospital?"

"What  the ministry doesn't know won't hurt them." Hermione said, taking a  quick sip of her tea. "Unless..." She frowned and stared down at the  table.

"Unless what?" He growled.

"Well  I suppose I should tell you this, in case you find out anyway." She  sighed heavily and fiddled with her cup. "I had a bit of a run in with  Lucius Malfoy while I was at the Ball. He was with me when they phoned  to let me know you were in Hospital."

"A run in? What kind of run in?"

Still  staring at her cup, she took a deep breath before she continued. "The  kind where he tried to force his intentions on me and when I refused him  and threatened to hex him, he said he would tell you we had sex anyway  and that you would believe him over me." She glanced up at him, her eyes  worried.

Severus drained his cup and grabbed both from the table. Standing slowly he rinsed them carefully and placed them in the sink.

"You wouldn't believe him would you?"

He  turned around and leaned against the sink, folding his arms across his  chest. "Believe that you would have sex with Lucius Malfoy? Of course  not. This is exactly the kind of stunt that arrogant, egotistical  arsehole likes to pull."

"So you trust me?" She smiled hopefully.

"No."  He shook his head thoughtfully. "But I know you. I've known you since  you were eleven. You would never have sex with a married man and you  would certainly never have sex with a tosser like Lucius Malfoy."

"Will he tell the Ministry?"

He  rubbed his finger across his lips, deep in thought. "No." He signed.  "I'm sure you bruised his precious ego enough by refusing him. He  wouldn't want to compound his embarrassment by letting anyone know he'd  been rejected. Lucius has always believed that Witches should just drop  their knickers whenever he walks into a room. I'm sure he was quite  taken aback when you didn't" He smiled wearily at her.

"Well  okay." She stood from the table, fidgeting with the straps her handbag.  "I suppose I should be going now. Do you have food? Do you need me to  pop out and get you something to eat?"

"I'm  quite capable of feeding myself. I've done so for years." He smirked,  walking with her across the living room towards the front door.

"You aren't going to..." She stuttered. "Promise me you won't..."

"Hermione."  He said, his voice firm. "After you leave I'm going to have a bit of  toast, take a shower and go to bed. I'm exhausted."

"Alright then." She smiled nervously. "I'll just be off and leave you to it. You will be at your session tomorrow, won't you?"

"I'll be there." He opened the door and leaned on it, holding it open for her.

"And you can call me if you need anything. Or Mrs. Harvy." She added in a rush."

"I know. I'll be fine."

"Alright." She nodded her head, glancing up at him and then quickly away. "I'll just go now. See you tomorrow."

"Goodbye Hermione." He said, a small smile curling up the corners of his lips.

"Have a nice rest." She said, with a small wave of her hand.

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

She  glanced up and smiled cheerfully when he walked into her office at the  prescribed appointment time. As he lowered himself into the chair and  she quickly assessed his appearance.

"You look positively knackered."

"I am." He responded wearily.

"Couldn't you sleep?"

"Oh I slept. Evidently being in a coma is far more exhausting then one might originally think."

"And you didn't shave."

"I overslept."

"Are your hands shaking?"

"It's nothing." He whispered, folding his arms across his chest. "It will pass."

"Mmm  Hmm." She frowned, making a note to his file. Leaning back in her seat  she stared silently at him for several moments. "I want to talk with you  about Professor Dumbledore."

His eyebrow lifted. "Albus, why?"

"I think we need to address your anger and feelings of betrayal where he is concerned."

"I  am not angry at Albus." He shook his head. "I murdered the man in cold  blood. I have no right to feel angry. If I feel anything at all, it's  guilt."

"You ended his life because he  asked you to." She leaned across the desk at him, her voice rising with  emotion. "And from what I saw he didn't even ask you. He 'ordered' you  to do it. If it had been a request, you would have had the option to  refuse. You didn't even have the chance to say "No". He never even gave  you that choice."

Severus had to  struggle not to smile at her passionate response, Her cheeks flushed  pink and she pounded her hand on the desk for emphasis. Noticing his  smirk and realizing that she'd gotten carried away, she blushed even  redder and leaned back in her seat, taking a deep breath, her voice was  softer when she continued. "In speaking with Mrs. Harvy, you were  apparently yelling at Professor Dumbledore while you were in the back  garden."

"I was?" He frowned.

"She  said you were yelling that he'd used you and betrayed you." She  searched his expression, he remained quiet, his face unreadable. "So,"  she continued slowly. "I think you and I need to take a little field  trip tomorrow."

"A field trip?" He raised his eyebrow again.

"To Hogwarts. I think there's someone you need to have a conversation with."

 


	17. Chapter 17

“So are you ready?  Minerva is expecting us in her office.”

 

Snape had arrived at the appointed time for their trip to Hogwarts.  He sat in the chair opposite her desk, a dark look on his face.

 

“What's wrong Severus?” She asked gently.

 

“This trip is an exercise in futility.  I neither desire nor deserve Albus' forgiveness.”  His eyes narrowed and his expression grew dark as she smiled..

 

“Oh I am sorry Severus.” She said, still smiling at him.  “I can't promise this trip will be painless, but I do promise you it will be beneficial. You'll see. Now come on.” She stepped around her desk and held out her hand for him to take.  “Come on, we don't want to keep Minerva waiting.” She said firmly when he remained seated, scowling up at her.

 

“Insufferable, impossible cheeky know it all.” He muttered as he stood up.  Folding his hands behind his back, he purposefully ignored her offered hand.

 

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

 

“Do mind the rug.” Minerva McGonagall called out as the two stepped through the fireplace into the Headmistress' Office.  Moving from behind her desk she embraced Hermione warmly.  “It's so good to see you dear.  And Severus, welcome back.” She held her arms out to him, but he stepped away, his arms remained folded behind his back.

 

“Minerva.” He said, nodding his head to her.

 

Hermione shook her head at his formal approach to his old Headmistress and fellow teacher.  “Are you ready Minerva?”

 

“Yes dear.  I thought we might have a bit of tea in my quarters while they chat.”

 

“You aren't staying?”  He raised an eyebrow and stared pointedly at Hermione.

 

“Of course not.  This is between you and Professor Dumbledore.”

 

“But you'll be wanting me to recount the entire conversation later.”

 

“If you'd like. That's entirely up to you Severus.  Minerva?”

 

The older woman had been watching with interest, the exchange between the former Potions Professor and his student turned counselor. “Yes dear, just a moment.” She stepped behind her desk and stared up at the portrait of the slumbering Headmaster. “Albus, wake up.” She called loudly.  “You have a visitor.”  Hermione had to bite back a bark of laughter when the Scottish woman smacked the portrait's frame sharply and called out his name again.  The sleeping Wizard jumped dramatically, knocking his pointed hat askew.

 

“What is it Minnie.” He yawned, reaching up to resettle his hat.

 

“Visitors.” She repeated, motioning to the two who stood waiting in his former office.

 

“Ahhhhhhh.” He smiled happily, his blue eyes twinkling.  “Ms. Granger and Severus.  How good it is to see you both.  How are you?”

 

“I'm lovely Headmaster.” Hermione smiled back.   “Now we're just going to leave you two to chat.” She stared at Snape who glared back, scowling angrily at her.

 

“Severus, my boy.. It's so good to see you.  Come have a seat.”  The portrait's eyes followed the dark man as he moved behind the desk and settled himself in the Headmistresses chair.  “How does it feel to be back in the old chair?”

 

“It was never my chair.” Snape said stiffly, staring down at his hands.

 

“No.  I suppose it never was.” Dumbledore sighed sadly.  “How have you been my boy. Minerva mentioned you've had troubles.  It's not surprising.” The old man continued, when Snape remained silent. “I'm glad you're here son.  There's been something I've wanted to  discuss with you for sometime now.”

 

Snape lifted his head and stared at the portrait for the first time since entering the room.

 

“I find myself with a lot of time to think and reflect.” Dumbledore  continued slowly.  “Beside sleeping and visiting other paintings there isn't a lot left to do these days.  I had no idea being a painting would be so dull.” He chuckled ruefully.  “I have always been fond of you Severus.  Although I didn't show it as much as I could have, I have always thought of you as my own son.  I know that your childhood and your relationship with your parents was not a happy one.  I had hoped you could find some happiness here, at Hogwarts.   When you began consorting with the, shall we say darker elements, I dismissed it as simply your need for friendship and acceptance.  I always believed your capacity for love would keep you from getting involved too deeply.  By the time I realized my error, it was too late.”   The old wizard sighed sadly, tears shimmering in his eyes.  “Please forgive me Severus.  Forgive me for everything I have done to you and all the ways I have failed you.”

 

“You want me to forgive you?” The dark haired Wizard muttered.  “But I murdered you.  I should be asking for your forgiveness.”

 

“You helped me Severus.  You saved me the suffering and embarrassment of a lingering death.  And.....” Dumbledore interrupted him when he started to argue. “And, I gave you no choice in the matter.  Oh please Severus, please forgive me.  I used you and I manipulated you.  I saw in you your incredible capacity to love and I used it for my own purposes.  Please tell me I haven't completely destroyed your ability to trust and to give your love to another?”

 

“I don't know.” He mumbled, his voice breaking “Lily........”

 

“Did not love you the way you wanted and deserved to be loved and that is sad, but it  is not a tragedy.  The true tragedy is that you have stopped yourself from finding love with another.”

 

“I tried, but you ordered me back.  You made me come back and go back to him.”

 

“Because I needed you.  The Wizarding world needed you.  There was no one else I could count on to do the things that you did.  Without you, we would have fallen to Lord Voldemort.”

 

“You used my love for Lily against me.”

 

“I did. Shamelessly, I might add.” The old Wizard hung his head.  “And I cannot tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you.  I am begging you to please forgive me, Severus.  And perhaps if you can forgive me, you can forgive yourself.”

 

“How can I do that when your blood is on my hands and the blood of all those Muggles I..........” His voice broke with a sob and he buried his face in his hands.

 

“Their blood is not on your hands it is on mine.” Dumbledore's voice rose emotionally.

 

“It easy for you to say that, Albus.” Severus whispered, his voice tired and hoarse.  “But I was the one who was there.  And I am the one who cannot erase those images from my mind, no matter how hard I try.”

 

“But everything you did, you did on my orders.” The old man yelled.  “Severus, please.” His voice softer now. “I am begging you.  Please stop trying to destroy yourself.  You are a hero.  You are one of the bravest, most loyal men I know.  Please let yourself be happy.  You deserve it.”

 

“I am not sure that I even know how to do that. I'm not sure I ever knew how.”  He sighed heavily.  “Maybe if just once.......” His voice trailed away.

 

“'Just once' what, Severus?”

 

“Just once if I could know what it feels like to be truly loved.”  He shook his head ruefully.

 

“And you can have that, son, if only you will let yourself.”

 

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

 

“So how was your chat with Professor Dumbledore?” Hermione asked after they had ordered their meals at the Leaky Cauldron.  “Would you like to talk about it?”

 

“Not particularly, but I suppose I must. He wanted to apologize to me.”  He stared across the table and watched while Hermione fiddled with her napkin and her cutlery.  “You don't look very surprised by that.”

 

“I'm not.  He owed you an apology.  Did you accept it?”

 

“I didn't say one way or another.”

 

“Do you accept it?”

 

“I don't know.” He spoke slowly, deep in thought.  “I am not completely convinced I deserve an apology.”

 

“What?” She gasped, far louder then she intended.  She glanced around embarrassed before continuing in a lower voice. “What do you mean you don't think you deserve an apology? He bloody well used you and when you didn't want to do it anymore, he used guilt and your sense of loyalty to manipulate you even further.”

 

“True.  But it was my decision to join the Death Eaters in the first place.  That was all me.  No, hear me out before you interrupt.” He narrowed his eyes sternly at her.  “I joined the Death Eaters.  I willingly aligned myself with a madman.  And I refuse to use the fact that I was young as an excuse.  I regretted my decision almost immediately, but there is no one to blame for my actions but myself.”

 

“People shouldn't have to suffer and pay their whole life for a single mistake made in their youth.  You were lonely and you wanted to be included in something.” She said, frowning.

 

“I suppose.” He sighed.

 

“So do you forgive him?” She asked again.

 

“I never really blamed him, so yes, I forgive him.”

 

“What about yourself?  Can you forgive yourself?”

 

“Hmmm.” He said, taking a sip of Pumpkin juice. “That will be a bit  more complicated.”

 

“Well, well, well.  What do we have here? A cozy little luncheon?”  They both turned their heads as Lucius Malfoy approached the table, his snake's head cane clutched loosely in his hand.

 

“What do you want Lucius?” Snape growled as the blonde wizard pulled back a chair and sat down.

 

“Want? Do I have to want something to join my oldest friend and his................?” He stared at Hermione sneering suggestively.  “What is she to you again Severus?”

 

“I'm his counselor and you bloody well know it.” Hermione spit, disgust written across her face.

 

Raising his arm and signaling the waitress, Lucius chuckled.  “That's right, _counselor_.” He said the word as if it were dirty.  He turned his attention to his fellow Slytherin.  “What are you drinking there, Severus?  Pumpkin juice?  Oh how the mighty have fallen.  Thank you, dear.” He glanced up as the waitress set two glasses of fire whiskey on their table.  “Here you are old friend, on me.” He nudged the glass across the table.

 

“No thank you.” Snape's hand shook as he picked up the glass and placed it back in front of the aristocrat.

 

“Oh come now.  You can't let me drink alone.” Lucius slid the glass back across the table.

 

Hermione glanced from the glass to Severus' face.  She watched as he struggled to battle his own personal demons.  His hand trembled on the table and his tongue unconsciously snaked out to lick his lips. “I told you to leave him alone, Malfoy.” She hissed.  “Severus?”

 

“I'm fine.” He growled, pushing the drink away from him.

 

“I never thought I'd see the day,” Lucius said, his voice low and sinister, “when the great and powerful Severus Snape would let a mudblood tell him what to do.”

 

“Don't call her that.” Snape hissed.

 

“Oh that's right.” His lips pursed in mock sorrow . “You fancy the little chit.”

 

“Leave us alone, Malfoy.” Hermione yelled, slamming her hand down on the table.  “I'm warning you.”

 

“You? Warning me?” He raised an elegant eyebrow. “Isn't that rich.  How are you feeling Severus?  You look quite recovered from your little adventure at muggle Hospital.  Do they still use leeches?  I find it most interesting that no one at the Ministry seems to know about your little......mishap.”

 

“You didn't tell them anything?” Hermione gasped.

 

“Of course not, don't be stupid.  I merely made a few discreet inquires.”

 

“What do you want, Lucius?” Severus growled, tearing his eyes away from the tempting amber liquid. “What do you want from me?”

 

“Why nothing dear friend.” Lucius said, lifting the glass and carefully placing it in front of him.  “Just have a drink with me.”

 

“And I said I don't want it.” Snape roared tossing the drink in Lucius' face and standing up, knocking the table aside.  Hermione cried out and covered her face as a flurry of black robes swarmed around her, there was a clattering sound as Lucius' cane dropped to the floor.  Opening her eyes, she saw Severus, the taller of the two, holding Lucius' arm twisted up behind his back.  The blonde Wizard's face reflected his physical pain.  “Now Lucius,” Snape purred in his ear. “I want you to go away and leave me alone”  Lucius opened his mouth as if to speak, a gasp of pain escape as Severus pulled up even harder on his twisted arm.  “If you try to cause problems at the Ministry for either myself or Ms. Granger, I will happily provide them with some bits of information concerning you.  I am more then aware that we both have damning information about the other.  I however, have nothing left to lose.  Can you say the same thing?”  He released the older man and pushed him away.  Lucius' face was dark with rage as he straightened his robes and retrieved his cane.  Hermione watched as he stormed out the door.

 

“Are you alright Severus?” Her voice reflected her worry and her fear.

 

“Take me home.” Severus growled, smoothing down his own robes.

 

“But.....”  
“Just take me home.” He roared.

 

Hermione's hands shook as she took his arm and they apparated to an alley near his home.  She struggled to keep up with his long strides as he turned down the street and opened his front gate.  “Severus.” She called after him as he unlocked the door and pushed it open.

 

 

“Just leave me alone.” He said, not turning to look her.  She watched as he entered the house and closed the door with a loud bang.


	18. Chapter 18

“Why are all the mirrors covered?” The woman asked, gazing curiously around the hotel room.

 

_Snape had entered his house, slamming the door behind him.  His mind and body raging with emotions.  Grabbing up the now empty crystal decanter, he flung it violently across the room, shattering it against the fireplace. Stomping into kitchen, he ripped open cabinet after cabinet, searching until he finally found it, stashed way in the back behind some old tins of soup.   A calming sense of relief rushed through him as his fist closed around the familiar glass bottle.  Drinking deeply, he let the warmth wash over him.  All to soon the  bottle was empty.  The worst of his rage had dissipated, only to be replaced by a empty hollow longing that ached painfully inside him.  Chucking the bottle into the bin, he moved to shrug off his robes.   His hand closed on a vial deep inside his pocket. Staring at it, all rational thought vanished from his mind. 'For just a moment.' He thought desperately. 'Maybe I can be free, I can really know what it feels like......'  Digging frantically through his pockets, his hand closed on the vial containing the hairs.  He dropped his robes to the floor and rushed up the stairs._

 

“I'm in mourning.” He said, inventing quickly, remembering some old text he had read on Muggle religious practices.  He hoped she would just accept that and not question him further.

 

“Oh I'm sorry.” She frowned. “Who died?”

 

“My grandmother.”  He said pulling bottles from the rucksack and setting them on the scarred hotel table.

 

“Were you close?”

 

“Very. Can you dim the lights and light those candles by the bed?” He asked, quickly adding the hairs and tipping the vial into a glass.  He opened a bottle of  Irish Cream and poured it on top, blending the two liquids.   He smiled when the room begin to glow with soft light and two arms snaked around his middle, squeezing him from behind.

 

“Maybe I can make you forget about your loss for a little while.” She whispered against his back.

 

“That is exactly what I am hoping for.” He moaned, spinning around in her arms.  “Would you care for a drink?”

 

_Snape's long legs carried him down the familiar back streets of London to the red light district.  Scantily dressed prostitutes whistled and called after him as he passed by._

 

“This tastes funny.” She said, crinkling her nose and staring into the glass.  “Almost like grass, or how old books smell.”

 

“Really? Mine's fine. Here, try this one.” He handed her his glass.

 

“ _Severus.” Andrea smiled as he walked up.  “Looking for a little company this evening?”  She slipped her arm around his waist and hugged him to her.  Snape had been visiting Andrea on a semi regular basis for the past three years._

 

“ _I am.  But I'm looking for something a little different this time.”_

 

“ _Ahhh you're bored with me already?” She pouted.  “That's okay, Love, I know how you men like variety.  What are looking for?”_

 

“ _About 5'2, short hair.”_

 

_She frowned, deep in thought.  Digging her mobile out of her pocket a broad smile broke across her face.  “I know just the girl.  You'll love her.”_

 

“Are you alright?” Severus asked as the woman, Tatum was her name, pressed a hand to her forehead.

 

“I don't know. I'm feeling a bit woozy all of a sudden.”

 

“Well come here. Sit on the bed.” He said, taking her hand gently  and pulling her down next to him.  His black eyes crawled over her face eagerly as her features shifted, blue eyes morphing to amber brown, blonde hair darkening to brown.  “Feeling better?” He asked the face of Hermione Granger.

 

“Yes, It's gone now.” The woman said, frowning at the change in her voice quality.  “Oh, I think I'm a bit hoarse. I hope I'm not getting sick.”

 

“I'm sure it's fine.” He said, running his fingers through her short hair.

 

She pulled back when he leaned in to kiss her.  “Didn't Andrea tell you?  I don't kiss on dates.”

 

“Hmmm.” He reached into his pocket and retrieved a fold of bills.  Her eyes widened as she scanned the amount he held in his hand.  “Would you consider making an exception? Just this once?”

 

“Well Andrea did say you're a really good customer and you always make it worth her while.” She said, taking the money from his hand.  “Okay. I'll make an exception just this once.”

 

“Good.” He said, brushing his lips against her cheek. “Now no more talking.” He growled, rubbing his tongue around the shell of her ear.

 

“Oh and I showered right before I came here, just like Andrea said you wanted.”

 

“Mmmm Hmmmm” He nodded, running his lips along her neck.  His trained olfactory senses has already detected the fresh smell of soap and shampoo. “Shhhhh.” He pressed his lips tenderly to hers and whispered. “No talking.”  She moaned as he pushed his tongue inside her mouth to dance gracefully with hers.

 

Severus buried his fingers in the short brown hair and clutched her tightly to him.  Her hair was soft against his palms as he pulled back to let his tongue trace the shape of her lips.  His heart thudded painfully in his chest as he sat back and reached for her shirt.

 

“Let me.” He said, when her hands reached up to help.   One by one he pushed each button through it's hole, his eyes eagerly drinking in the sight of her skin as it was revealed.  Pushing her shirt off her shoulders, he leaned forward and kissed her fiercely.  Groaning low in his throat he slowly removed the rest of her clothing.

 

“Lie back.” He whispered, standing up and quickly stripping off his own clothing.  He watched, his eyes burning as she crawled up the bed and rested her head on the pillows.  Kneeling beside her, his eyes roamed up and down her body, drinking in every curve and detail of her body.  As he leaned over to run his large hands across her flesh, a small portion of his mind cried out, begging him to stop, stop before it's too late. Ignoring that voice, he placed his hand on her chest and slowly ran it down her body, between her breasts to the curve of her stomach. His cock throbbed pleasantly at the feel of her soft skin.  “Amazing.” He whispered, placing tender kisses on either side of her belly button.  The woman on the bed whimpered as his fingers tips traced the outline of a heart shaped beauty mark just beneath her left breast before crawling up over the swell to pluck and tease her nipples into hardened points.  “So perfect.” He whispered, his lips tickling her skin as he slowly worked his way up, replacing his fingers with his mouth.  She moaned and arched her back as laved his tongue over the now tender nipple.

 

Moving up her body, he captured her lips again and kissed her passionately, she moaned as his fingers played across her thighs, slowly parting her now wet folds.

 

“Oh God.” She whimpered softly as his finger worked expertly across her clit.

 

“Shhhh.” He hissed against her lips, his tongue moving in time with his fingers as the pressed his fingers inside of her, thrusting and rubbing.  Pulling away, he watched the play of emotions across the familiar face as his fingers caressed the velvety folds.  His cock throbbed painfully as her wet center clutched tightly at his probing fingers.

 

“Ahhhhh.” She gasped breathlessly as she climaxed, her back arching beautifully.  He licked his lips eagerly, memorizing the look of ecstasy on her face as he slowly coaxed wave after wave of pleasure from her body.  She fell back onto the bed panting and sighing.  With his eyes still trained on her, he reached over to the nightstand and retrieved one of foil packets he'd placed there earlier.  He groaned deep in his throat and had to struggle not to come, when she took the package from his hand and gently eased the condom onto his aching erection.

 

Positioning himself between her legs, he paused to savor the moment.  The voice inside him screamed out again, louder and more urgent this time. 'Stop this before it's too late.  This is wrong and you know it's wrong. Stop before you violate her body any further.'  “No.” He growled, pressing forward with his hips and thrusting himself into her welcoming heat.  'This is my only chance to have this, my only chance to feel this, I can't stop now.' His mind rationalized.

 

“Oh fuck.” He moaned as her body seemed to mold around him.  Burying his face against the side of her neck, he basked in the feeling of being inside this most amazing body.  Moving slowly, he thrust his hips, dragging his cock in and out, each thrust squeezing his cock with sublime pressure.  “Oh fuck, Hermione, you feel so good.” He hissed.  If the woman beneath him, minded or even noticed him calling her by the wrong name, she didn't show it, she simply wrapped her legs around his waist, meeting him thrust for thrust.  Her blunt nails scraping along his spine.  Pushing himself up on his arms, he stared down at her face as he moved his hips. Her lips were parted and she was panting and moaning with each powerful thrust of his hips.  His balls ached and throbbed with his rapidly approaching need to come. Pulling from her center, he tapped her hip.  “Get on your hands and knees.” He grunted.

 

Pausing to run his hands across the soft expanse of her back he grasped his cock and thrust back into her heat. “Oh fuck.” He moaned as he gripped her hips and thrust rapidly.  Running his hand down her spine, he buried his fingers into her short hair and tugged gently.  “Say my name. Say my name.” He hissed.

 

“Oh Severus.” She moaned as he moved inside her. “Yes, Severus.”

 

Gripping her hips again and he moved, knowing that he wouldn't be able to last much longer.  As the ball of tension grew inside him, he began to vocalize in his pleasure. “Oh fuck Hermione. Hermione. You feel so good. So fucking good. I love you. I love you.”  He groaned as she tightened around his cock, crying out his name, trembling as she came. He joined her in release, his cock jerking as he emptied inside. “Hermione.” He roared loudly.

 

He collapsed heavily onto the bed and drew her up into a tight embrace, kisses raining across her cheeks and lips.  “I love you.” He murmured, kissing her feverishly.  Still breathing heavily, he lay back against the pillows and grabbed one of her small hands, pressing it to his chest.  “Will you touch me?” He whispered. “I need to feel you touching me.”

 

Nodding her head, she climbed to her knees.  “Roll over, on your stomach.” She whispered.

 

He sighed as he felt her straddle his waist, he could feel the heat and moisture from her center against the small of his back.  A groan wrenched from his throat as he felt feather light kisses across his shoulders and down his spine.  Basking in the attention, his cock harden pleasantly as she ran her blunt fingernails across the large muscles of his back.  Jolts of pleasure made him moan as she licked and nibbled her way down, moving to sit on his thighs, kissing and licking the swell of his arse cheeks.  She nudged his hips and he rolled over onto his back, his cock jutting up eager and hard.  He watched carefully as she kissed across his chest, flinching when she ran her tongue around his nipple, biting gently on the hardened nub.  His breath caught in his throat and a drop of pre cum dribbled down the side of his cock when she ran her hand across the tops of his thighs and lightly cupped his balls.

 

“Oh yes, please Hermione.” He hissed, when he watched the familiar lips engulf his erection, licking and sucking. “Oh fuck that feels  good.” He growled, reaching down to run his fingers through her hair.  “Hermione.” He moaned, the thrill of watching her do his to him as pleasurable and erotic as the feel of her mouth.  The familiar tingle and tightening of his balls warned him he was close.  “Oh fuck.” He cried out as she moved her mouth up and down, pushing him closer and closer to the edge. “Oh yes.” He moaned and she opened her eyes and looked up at him.  A cold feeling filled his stomach as he met her gaze.  Missing from the depth of the light brown eyes was the playful glint of intelligence that so thrilled him.  The eyes were her's, but the soul was not and he squeezed his own eyes closed against the dull gaze looking back at him.  Already too far gone, he gritted his teeth as he exploded, filling her mouth with his juices, but instead of pleasure, a sick feeling filled his body.  He feel back onto the bed panting heavily.  Glancing quickly at his watch, he saw that the hour was almost up and was relieved that within minutes she would return to her normal appearance.

 

“Fix me a drink, will you?” He growled, pulling himself into a sitting position and using the sheet to cover himself. “There's a bottle of whiskey over there.”

 

“Sure.” She said, sitting up on the bed and gazing blearily around the room.  “Can I have one too?”

 

Taking another glance at the time, he nodded his head and gratefully took the glass from her, drinking deeply.   She sat on the edge of the bed and sipped slowly from her glass.  Her hand shook and she pressed her fingertips to her forehead as the polyjuice potion wore off and her features undulated.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked softly.

 

“No. I'm feeling a bit woozy again. I'm just going to go to the loo.”

 

“Hang on.” He said, capturing her hand and staring up into the clear blue eyes of Tatum.  “Okay, go on.” He whispered.

 

He sipped his whiskey and listened her moving around in the bathroom.  “You know.” She called out loudly.  “It's none of my concern, but why are you having sex with me instead of this Hermione?”  She returned to the room and bent down to gather up her clothing.

 

“It's complicated.” He sighed.

 

“Complicated? You split with her or something?”

 

“No.” He shook his head. “We were never together.”

 

“Oh.” She pulled her shirt on over head and stood up to fasten her skirt. “Well if you don't mind me saying, if you shagged her the way you just shagged me, I don't see how she could resist you.  Just something to think about. Toodles.” She waved back at him as the door swung shut behind her.

 

“Something to think about.” He muttered, draining his glass in one big drink.

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

Dr.  Hermione Granger rested her head against the back of her sofa. She  tucked her feet up under her and set her book across her lap. She had  been trying to read for the last half hour, but the words just seemed to  swim across the page. Over and over again, she replayed the afternoon  with Severus. She had hoped to help him set aside some of the crippling  guilt he carried, only to be derailed by Lucius bleeding arsehole  Malfoy. Fucking wanker. Her heart ached as she watched him slide the  glass of whiskey towards Severus and his obvious struggle to resist the  temptation. She couldn't help but wonder if his refusal had been solely for her benefit or if it were a small sign of improvement. Over and over  she watched the door slam and heard his baritone voice growling "Just  leave me alone."

Maybe she had bitten off more then she could  chew? Was it possible that he was just too damaged, too far gone for her  to help? She shook her head, "No." She refused to give up on him.

Smiling  to herself, she thought back to the very first time she had ever laid  eyes on Severus Snape. Terrifying, formidable, awe inspiring, brilliant.  It was hard to believe that beneath that fierce exterior lurked so much  heartache and pain. Pain that he had carried inside himself for all  these years with no one to trust or to help him bear the burden. How  lonely he must have felt, must still feel. Hermione couldn't even  imagine a life where you had no one; no friends to love and to love you  back, no one to lean on through the trying times. No wonder he had  seemed so irritable and cruel, lashing out brutally at his students. She  chuckled softly as she tried to ratify the man she now knew with the  Potions Professor who had once tormented her. As she had always  suspected, the seemingly stoic man possessed a quick wit and an acerbic  sense of humor. She smiled again as she remembered his often brilliant  turn of phrase as he berated some Dunderheaded student. There had been  many times she'd had to bite back a bark of laughter at his scathing  humor.

Sighing heavily, she picked up her book and tried once  again to focus her attention on the pages. A loud bang just outside her  front door made her jump and reach for her wand. Setting the book aside,  she tiptoed cautiously across the floor. She jumped again as a loud  knocking echoed through her tiny flat.

' _Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,'_

Casting  a quick see through charm, she gasped at the sight of a very disheveled  Severus Snape standing on her front porch. He lifted his fist and  pounded heavily on her door, the motion making him sway unsteadily.

"Severus." She said, opening the door. "What is it?"

"You're home." He said, his words slurred as he blinked, blood shot eyes staring down at her.

"I  am." She agreed, taking in his drunken state. His white shirt was   untucked and only partially buttoned. "Did you need something."

"To talk to you." He said, grabbing at the rail as he swayed and almost fell. "I need to tell you something."

"Alright."  She said, reaching out to grasp his forearm and hold him steady. "Why  don't you come inside and have a seat before you fall down and hurt  yourself."

He bobbed his head and allowed her to lead him inside.  Once there she motioned towards the couch, but he shook his head and  began to pace unsteadily back and forth. "I don't want to sit down. I  have to tell you something. I need to tell you something."

"Okay." She nodded, backing away from him and lowering herself onto a chair. "I'm listening."

He  stared at her intently with his black gaze, before running his fingers  through his hair and resuming his shaky pacing. "I don't even know how  to start. But I have to tell you. You have to know." He paused, leaning  against the back of the couch. He gazed at her with a strange look of  longing on his face. "I remember you in school. Always so eager and  anxious for my attention. Your hand waving incessantly in the air. You  had it, my attention. Oh how you had it. Far more then I was ever  willing to admit, even to myself. My beautiful little know it all. Such  an insufferable little chit you were." He paused and shook his head  angrily. "This is so wrong. So unbelievably fucking wrong. I shouldn't  feel this way. I shouldn't bloody feel like this. Fuck! You were my  student. I was your teacher for fucks sake." He pushed himself up off  the couch and began to pace again, his hands clenching and unclenching  at his sides. "These feelings. Why are you in my head? Why are you  always there, calling to me, pleading with me, begging me? I am just a  man. I'm not strong enough to resist this." He turned and looking  pleadingly at her.

"Severus." She said slowly, rising to take his  hand and lead him to the couch. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest.  "You are not making any sense. You're drunk. What did you want to tell  me that couldn't wait until our session?"

He sank onto the couch  and buried his face in his hands. Sighing heavily, he gazed up at her,  his expression open and raw. "I love you. I want you. I can't stop  dreaming about you."

All the strength went out of Hermione's legs.  She was grateful for the chair behind her as her legs gave out and she  sat down with a small thud. "No you don't." She whispered hoarsely.

"Yes. I do."

"No."  She shook her head in disbelief. "It's just transference. It happens  all the time. It's very common." Her voice trailed off as he shook his  head, his eyes closing heavily.

"It's not transference." He sighed, his head falling back to rest on the back of the couch.

"Of course it is." She whispered. "People often think they are in love with their doctors."

"You've  been in my head since St. Mungo's." He said, his head listing tiredly  to the side. "In my dreams, in my fantasies, in my thoughts. It was  always only Lily. And now it's only you. Only Hermione." His voice grew  softer as he spoke. "So brilliant, so intelligent, so talented. You were  my best student." He sighed heavily. "You could never feel the same  about me. I'm damaged. Marked as evil." He rubbed at his left forearm.  "And I am evil. Unworthy, unlovable, unwanted. You are so good, so  fresh, so perfect. Marked for good." His breathing was slowing, his  voice growing fainter. "That perfect little heart under your breast. If I  could spend my life kissing, touching that mark, maybe I could be good  too."

"How do you know about that?" She gasped, staring wild eyed  at the man on her sofa. "Severus?" But his breathing had drifted into  the rhythmic pattern of sleep. "How do you know about that mark?" She  whispered to the quiet room.

 


	20. Chapter 20

Hermione sat watching the man sleep. After he had passed out, she  eased him to a prone position and covered him with a blanket before  returning to her chair. Now she sat, chewing on her bottom lip, her mind  a jumbled blur of thoughts and emotions.

'He loves me. He loves  me. Severus Snape, Potions Master, former Death Eater spy says he loves  me. Me? Hermione bushy hair, bucktoothed, insufferable know it all  Granger. Me. It's preposterous. It's insanity. Despite what stupid  bloody Lucius Malfoy says.'

" _He told you on more then one occasion that Severus fancies you. Once in front of him and he didn't deny it."_ A small voice inside her said.

'Well  he was just being a cad, trying to rile me up." She rationalized. "And  Severus probably didn't notice his comment because he was so upset. He  was very upset.'

" _And you fancy him too."_

'I do  not.' Her mind argued back. 'I do not fancy Severus Snape. I admire him.  I think he's brilliant. He's a hero. I'll even concede he's attractive  in a dark and dangerous sort of way. He has a positively mouthwatering  body. And his voice is like melted chocolate, deep and tempting. But I  certain do NOT fancy him. Not in any way, shape or form.'

" _I think the lady doth protest too much."_ The tiny voice chided. _"Then why do you work so hard to save him? Why DID you work so hard to save him? Hmmmm? Answer me that."_

'Because  he's brilliant. He's talented. He's a vital asset to the magical  community. He's a bleeding war hero for fuck's sake. Because I just  can't imagine living in a world without him. I can't comprehend of a  world where he doesn't exist. But that's not the important question. No,  not at all. The important question is how could he possibly know about  the beauty mark? How? No one knows about that. Well Ron. And Viktor. And  that muggle boy. My parents. But no one else knows. No one. Did he spy  on me in school? Did he look at me whilst I was showering?'

" _That's an exciting thought. Isn't it_?" The soft voice chuckled wickedly. " _Just   think of it. Severus Snape's black eyes crawling all over your body  while you're wet and naked, running your hands all over yourself_."

'No. Stop it. That's NOT an exciting thought. It's wrong. Wrong.'

" _And maybe while he watched you, his hand slid down his body to grasp his.._..."

'Arrrrggggh.'  She growled softly, pulling her feet up onto the chair, wrapping her  arms around her bent legs, hugging herself tightly. "I do NOT fancy  Severus Snape. That's ludicrous. Completely and utterly ludicrous.'

" _Is it? Is it ludicrous? He says he loves you. Wants you."_

"Well  that's just insanity. He's drunk. He's out of his mind. He doesn't know  what he's saying. That's obvious. But how does he know about the beauty  mark? Legilimancy? Maybe Ron told him? When would Ron have told him?  They don't talk. And how would that conversation go anyway? 'Hello there  Professor Snape, greasy git of the dungeons who tormented me and my  friends relentlessly in school. Did you happened to know Hermione  Granger has a heart shaped beauty mark just beneath her left breast?  Thought you might like to know.' Now you're just being mental. Harry?  Ron told Harry who told Severus? Now you're being silly and mental. My  school file? Maybe? Hermione Jean Granger, muggle born, parents London  Dentists, birthday 9/19/79. Distinguishing features? Bushy hair,  buckteeth and a heart shaped beauty mark beneath her left breast."

She sat up straighter as the man on the couch begin to stir.

Severus  woke slowly. His head felt fuzzy and thick. He was still drunk. He'd  had the oddest dream. He'd confessed his deepest feelings...shifting a  bit, he became aware of the crimp in his neck, his feet sticking off a  too short...where was he? On a sofa? Opening his eyes, he stared up at  an unfamiliar ceiling. Oh Merlin. Maybe it hadn't been a dream after  all. He turned his head to see Hermione Granger, sitting across from him  on a chair, her face unreadable. 'Fuck.' He shifted into a sitting  position and brushed his long hair out of his eyes.

"Drink this."  She said, her voice cool. He took the offered vial from her hand and  stared at it, confused. "It's a sober up potion. I brew them myself, so  you needn't worry. Drink it." Her no nonsense tone made it clear she was  not willing to argue the matter. Flicking off the lid with a practiced  gesture, he sniffed it carefully before drinking it down. Immediately  his head felt clearer and a pounding headache began to form. "The loo's  over there." She said, pointing to a short hallway. He nodded his head  and stood, grateful that he hadn't had to ask where it was, he did  desperately need to use the facilities.

Standing in her tiny  restroom, his dick aimed at the toilet, he sighed heavily. 'Way to cock  it up there, Severus.' He chastised himself. Moving to the sink, he  turned on the faucet and carefully washed his hands. He gazed at his  pallid face in the vanity mirror. 'You look like shit.' He thought,  splashing some cold water on his face and running his fingers through  his hair. 'What did I say to her? What did I tell her? She looks upset.  Very upset. I'm sure I told her I wanted her, loved her. But did I tell  her about...Merlin help me, I couldn't have told her about that. I'll  just tell her I was drunk and apologize for upsetting her and leave.'  Gripping the edge of the sink with both hands he wished with everything  he had for his magic back, even if only for a moment If he could just  use magic he would apparate as far away from here as he could and never  look back. Where was the Dark Lord when you needed him? He'd happily  endure a lifetime of the Cruciatus curses rather than face the clearly  upset Witch in the next room. Taking another deep breath, he opened the  door and returned to his place on the couch. "Hermione I..."

"Here."  She said, interrupting him and handing him another potion bottle. He  sniffed it quickly, before drinking it down, almost immediately his  headache began to ease. 'She certainly knows how to brew a potion.' He  thought, allowing himself a brief moment of pride, before the cold  unease slipped in again.

"How do you know about my birthmark?" She  asked softly. "How could you possibly know about a mark on an extremely  intimate part of my body?"

He opened his mouth and then closed it  again. A cold dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Buggar. Shit.  Fuck. How could he have gotten so drunk and stupid? How was he supposed  to explain to her that he'd spent the better portion of the evening with  his cock inside her body. Her beautiful, perfect, amazing body. Shaking  away that thought, he sighed and reached inside his trouser pocket,  extracting the almost empty potion bottle. He held it up for her to see.  She frowned and reached over to take it from his hand. Holding it up to  the light she looked at the pearly, almost iridescent green liquid  clinging to the sides. Removing the top, she smelled grass and old  books, a hint of peppermint. Beneath that Boomslang skin and...

"Polyjuice? This is Polyjuice." Her eyes widened with horror as realization sat in. "You Polyjuiced someone to be...me?"

He nodded his head.

"And you...? With my body?"

He nodded his head again.

A  thousand emotions flooded her senses; shock, disbelief, horror,  disgust, an unidentifiable feeling like red hot rage. Rage that she had felt before when he had discussed his casual sexual encounters. A  possessive, jealous rage at these woman who had touched his body so  intimately. 'Wait, what? I feel possessive over his body'. She shook her   head to clear away that crazy thought. Disgust. That's what she was  feeling. Disgust. He had...with her body...without her! Oh Merlin.

"Who?"  She asked, her voice sounded flat as she struggled to rein in her  reeling emotions. "Who was it? Not some Diagon Alley whore. Not someone  who knows me? Please tell me it wasn't one of my classmates." Her voice  rose as she thought of the all the possible ramifications.

"No. Of  course not." He shook his head. "I wouldn't do that to you. She was..."  He sighed heavily, knowing how bad this all sounded. "...muggle."

"But she was a prostitute?"

He  closed his eyes and nodded his head. Despite the hangover potion his  headache was returning. He reached up and pinched the bridge of his   nose.

"Did this muggle prostitute have a name? Or do you even  bother to learn them?" She spit, no longer even attempting to hide her  upset, her anger.

"Tatum." He whispered. "Her name was Tatum."

"I  feel sick." She muttered, staring down at the floor, no longer able to  look at him. The swirling, churning emotions raging inside of her were  making it hard for her to think clearly. She needed to think. "I need  you to leave now." She whispered, standing up and pointing towards the  door.

"Hermione." His voice sounded choked and strained. "I am so  sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I just needed...I just  wanted..."

"Please just go, Severus. I need to think. I can't think with you...Just go." She whispered, sounding close to tears.

"Alright." He stood slowly. "Shall I see you at our session tomorrow?" He asked, trying not to sound hopeful.

"I  don't know. I'm not sure. I have to think. I need to think." She whispered, sinking back on the chair and burying her face in her hands.

He  moved to say something else, but stopped himself. He had already done  too much damage. Turning away, he let himself out and closed the door  softly behind him. He didn't hear the sob that wrenched from her as soon  as the door clicked shut.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Dear Mr. Snape,**

**I regret to inform you that I can no longer serve as your private counselor. Due to certain circumstances, I feel that there has been a blurring between our patient/Doctor relationship and as I result I feel I can no longer function effectively as your counselor. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and have enclosed a list of available counselors at the Ministry.**

**Sincerely,**

**Dr. Hermione J. Granger**

Snape's hand shook as his eyes crawled over the parchment. "Regret to inform you" "certain circumstances" "patient/Doctor relationship". Balling up the letter he flung it violently into the fire. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out his mobile and punched a number and waited for an answer. "Draco. I need you to call your father for me." He growled into the phone. "I know. We did. It doesn't matter now, just have him contact me." He hung up and tossed the phone away.

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

Hermione glanced up as the door to her office door slammed open.

"Headmistress McGonagall. What a surprise." She said, looking over the woman's shoulder and frowning at her assistant.

"I'm sorry Dr. Granger." The young man flushed. "I asked her if she had an appointment, but she just pushed past me."

"Appointment." The Scottish woman huffed angrily. "You might not have been in my house young man, but I know Professor Flitwick taught you better how to treat your elders. Appointment? Ha. Now get out of here so I can speak with Dr. Granger privately."

The young man looked helpless and frightened, not knowing who to fear more, a former Professor or his current boss.

"It's alright." Hermione said patiently. "I can see the Headmistress now. Please close the door behind you. Won't you have a seat, Minerva." She said when the door was safely closed.

"Why have you stopped treating Severus?" Her former head of house demanded without preamble.

Hermione leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath, trying to still the pounding of her heart. Minerva McGonagall could still intimidate her and make her feel like a first year. "How did you find out about that?" She asked smoothly. "I was planning on owling you later."

"Owling me later?" The older woman scoffed.

"Yes." Hermione nodded, struggling to keep her voice level and professional. "You still haven't answered my question. How did you find out? Did Severus contact you?"

"No he did not. Narcissa floo'd me."

"Narcissa!" Hermione exclaimed, her face going pale.

"Yes, Narcissa. She said she found it a bit odd that Severus would be contacting her husband so soon after he almost broke his arm at the Leaky Cauldron."

"Did Lucius go to him?" Hermione was feeling sick to her stomach.

"He did, after Severus told him you had canceled all of his sessions. Narcissa was worried and thought I should know."

"Lucius Malfoy is not his friend." Hermione said, her voice shaking. "He's dangerous to Severus."

"You don't think we're well aware of that?" Minerva barked. "Why do you think Narcissa was so worried. She's been married to the man long enough, she knows what he's capable of; we don't think he'd hurt Severus outright, but given Severus' issues, Lucius is more then willing to provide him with the tools necessary to harm himself."

"Oh Merlin." Hermione sighed, pressing her fingertips to her temples. "Why would he contact Lucius?"

"Because right now it probably seems to him that Lucius is his only friend. Why Hermione? Why did you do it? Why would you cut him off like that, refuse to see him any longer?"

Sitting up straighter in her chair, Hermione met her former Professors eye with a cool gaze. "I had my reasons." She said, her voice tight.

"What reasons?" The Scottish woman yelled. "What possible reason could you have to turn your back on him when he needs you the most."

"That is confidential."

The formidable Headmistress sat down in the chair and folded her arms across her chest, glaring silently at her former student.

Hermione flushed red under her intense gaze. "There was an incident that in my opinion compromised our professional relationship and my ability effectively to treat him, both morally and ethically. I can't say anything more."

"Can't or won't?" Minerva snorted.

"Both." The two woman eyed each other critically across the desk. Hermione tried not to fidget.

"He told you he has feelings for you, didn't he." Minerva smiled knowingly at the flush the colored the Gryffindor's face.

"There was a bit more to it then that." The younger woman stuttered. "He...he...he did something inappropriate. Please don't ask me to elucidate further."

"Inappropriate." The Headmistress repeated slowly. "Did he try to force himself on you? Expose himself to you? What Hermione? Please explain to me what he did that was so horrible that you would turn your back on him like this."

"I'm not turning my back on him." She yelled, almost sobbing. "I'm not turning my back on him." She repeated, struggling to calm her emotions. "I just can't treat him on a professional level anymore. It...wouldn't be right."

"Did you tell him that?"

"Well no..." She shook her head.

"So in his mind, you've turned away from him just like everyone else in his life. Oh Hermione," The older woman shook her head sadly, "I expected more from you. You know I was there when Lily ended their friendship. I found out about it, you know how students talk. While I couldn't condone Severus' actions, I didn't think he deserved what she did, cutting him off with out a glance back. I've never seen a boy more heartbroken then he was when she refused to accept his apology." The Headmistress sighed sadly, rising from the chair, she began to pace across Hermione's tiny office. "You know most people when they make a mistake, even a really bad mistake, are forgiven by their friends, but not poor Severus. Oh no, he's made to pay for it for the rest of his life." She stopped and looked at Hermione. "I don't know what it is he done that's upset you so much. The poor man served two masters for all of his adult life, it's not surprising now that he's free from them that he's lacking a bit impulse control. But I want you to ask yourself, is it really so bad that you can't forgive him?"

"Minerva I..."

The woman held up her hand. "I was counting on you Hermione. Counting on you to help him. I'm very disappointed in you right now. You're acting no better then Lily. Good day." She turned left the small office.

Hermione stared silently as the door to her office swung shut with a thud. She pressed her hand to her lips, trying to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape. Reaching into her desk drawer, she pulled out a handful of tissues and wiped away the tears that streamed down her face. "Bloody hell." She whispered into the silent room.

"Cancel the rest of my appointments. I'm leaving for the day. I don't feel well." Hermione's assistant glanced up in surprise when she exited her office, briefcase in hand, outer robes hanging over her arm.

"Right." He stuttered, reaching for the appointment book. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No. Just take care of canceling my appointments and I'll see you Monday."

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

It was almost dark outside by the time Hermione entered her tiny flat. She had spent the afternoon and most of the evening walking and sitting in the park, trying to make sense of her jumbled emotions. She had just tossed her briefcase aside when her mobile rang.

"Hello?"

"Dr. Granger?"

"Yes, this is she."

"Oh, I'm sorry to bother you again. This is Mrs. Harvy. Severus' neighbor?"

Hermione sank down onto her sofa, her phone clutched tightly in her hand. "Yes. I remember you. Is something wrong?"

"Oh I don't know dear." The woman sighed. "Maybe I'm just being a nuisance, but I'm worried about Severus. He was supposed to come over this evening and help me hang a shelf, but he never showed. I've knocked several times, but he's not answering the door."

"Do you even know if he's home." Hermione asked, trying to ignore the cold feeling that had settled in her stomach. "Maybe he's out."

"Well I don't think so. I just saw someone leave his house a few minutes ago. I'm sure he's home if he had guests."

"Someone? Who? Was it a man or a woman?"

"A man. Pretty, with long white blonde hair. He was dressed a bit strange and he carried a walking stick."

Hermione let out a long sigh. "Alright. I'm not very far away. I'll come over and check on him. I'm sure he's fine. Don't worry yourself too much."

"Oh thank you so much. I'm so glad he has someone like you looking out for him."

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

Hermione apparated to a deserted alley not for from Severus Snape's house. Trying not to run, she hurried down the street and up his steps. Raising her fist, she knocked firmly on his front door.

'Knock, knock, knock' She paused and listened. Everything was quiet. Lifting her hand, she pounded again, harder this time. 'Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock'. She pressed her ear to the door. Nothing. Reaching down she twisted the door handle, locked. "Bloody hell Severus, answer the bleeding door." She mumbled, pounding on the door again. Still nothing. Stepping back onto the sidewalk, she stared up at the house. A light burned in an upstairs window. Thinking back to her prior visit, she guessed it was his bedroom. Rushing back up the stairs, she knocked again. "Dammit Severus. I know you're home. Now open this bleeding door." She yelled, knocking even harder. "Fine. You want to play this game." She said to the silent door. Glancing quickly up and down the street, she drew her wand and pointed it at the door handle."

"Alohomora. Ouch." She jumped back as her wand buzzed and sent a shock radiating down her arm. "What the fuck?" Snape's words came drifting back to her. 'Unless you're planning on setting the bones yourself and putting a plaster cast on it, you'll have to do it out here. Magic ban, remember?' "Oh bloody hell." She muttered, turning and walking back to the sidewalk. Checking the street again for muggles, she pointed her wand at the door and shouted "Alohomora." She ducked just as the blast of light ricocheted off the door toward her head. "Fuck." She hissed in frustration. Stepping carefully through the yard, she pushed open his back gate and entered his back garden.

Climbing the rickety steps, Hermione peered through the back door window. The kitchen was dark and empty.

"Is he there?" Ms. Harvy called from over the back fence.

"I'm sure it's fine." Hermione called back with a cheerfulness she did not feel. "Why don't you just go inside. I'll take care of everything."

"Alright dear." The old woman called back. "I feel better just knowing you're here. Have him call me if he needs anything."

"I will." Hermione waved as she disappeared back into her house.

Taking a deep breath, she peeked through the window again. Glancing around the empty garden, she raised her arm and put her elbow through the window, flinching at the sound of breaking glass. Reaching carefully through, she unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"Severus." She called loudly, looking around the quiet house. "Severus Snape where are you?" Tiptoeing through the dining room, she peered into the empty living room. "Bloody hell, where are you." She muttered, turning around in a slow circle. Talking a deep breath, she paused at the bottom of the staircase. "Severus? Are you home? I'm coming upstairs. I hope your decent." She called out. Nothing. With her heart pounding painfully in her chest, Hermione tiptoed slowly up the stairs. She peered into the first room she saw, the walls were lined with bookshelves and it was empty. Turning, she approached Severus' room and pushed the door open. "Oh fuck." She moaned. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, bloody fuck."

She rushed to the side of the bed. He lay spread eagle, his face pale, his breathing shallow. "Severus!" She yelled, grabbing his shirt and shaking him. "Wake up." She picked up one of the empty potion bottles that lay scattered on the bed around him and sniffed. 'Dreamless sleep.' Picking up another she identified it as a calming drought. An almost empty whiskey bottle lay beside him on the bed as well. "Bloody hell, not again." She moaned. Pressing her fingers against his neck, she could feel a pulse, but just barely. Grabbing up her beaded bag she peered into the depths. She had potions and even a bezoar that could help him, but they were deep inside her magically expanded bag and she could only reach them with her wand. Tossing her bag aside, she grabbed his arm and pulled him into a sitting position. "You are not going to die, dammit." She yelled, pulling him up and onto the floor. "I won't let you."

 


	22. Chapter 22

Severus woke with a throbbing head, sour stomach and an aching bladder. His head felt thick and fuzzy and his limbs felt like they were made of stone. He wanted nothing more then to just lie there, in the dark, not moving, but the pressure in his bladder made that an impossibility. Summing every ounce of strength, he forced himself out of bed. Swaying unsteadily, his stomach lurched as he made his way across his bedroom floor to the loo. Flicking on the light, he blinked as a bolt of pain shot through his brain. He sighed in relief as he let loose a hot stream of urine. Closing his eyes, he tried to force away the fuzzy, cloudy feeling in his head. As he leaned forward to flush the commode, he stared in confusion at his ripped and torn shower curtain. Looking up he saw that it hanging by only one hook, the rest were empty or contained bits of torn plastic. He stared into the bath and saw that it was filled with wet towels and clothing. He recognized his trousers from the night before and what was that? A pink jumper? Sniffing, the pungent smell of vomit filled his nose and made his stomach churn. He turned and saw another pile of soiled towels shoved into a corner. His wet shirt and what appeared to be a gray skirt lay on the floor beside them. 'What the bloody hell happened?' He wondered. Stepping to the sink, his toe kicked a woman's flat across the floor. The bathroom sink was filled with empty potion bottles. Picking one up, he saw that it was one of Dreamless Sleep potions that Lucius had brought him. The cabinet was open and empty of all the vials Lucius had so graciously provided. Bits and pieces of the past night began to form in his foggy mind. He remembered flipping off lid after lid off of Dreamless Sleep and calming potions. Washing those down with Old Ogden's finest. Everything went black after that. He glance up in the mirror at a soft noise behind him.

 

She stepped into the soft light of the open doorway, her eyes meeting his in the mirror. She was wearing a black t shirt and he could see the black line of boxer briefs peeking out from below the hem. Her hair stuck up on the side and as he watched, she rubbed her eyes sleepily.

 

“Are those mine?” He asked, his voice sounded raspy.

 

She nodded her head slowly, glancing down at herself. “My clothes were................wet.”

 

“We took a shower together?”

 

“A cold one.”

 

“Mmmm.” He grunted. “And you undressed me?” He glanced down and realized for the first time since he'd left the bed that he was naked.

 

She nodded her head slowly.

 

His eyes scanned the bathroom counter. Picking up a large glass, he sniffed the contents, recoiling at the smell. He looked up into the mirror and met her eyes again, his eye quirked in an unspoken question.

 

“Yellow mustard and salt.” She said, lowering her eyes from his gaze. “I had to make you vomit.”

 

“Well that explains why my mouth tastes like a troll used it for a loo.” He sighed wearily, reaching for his tooth brush and toothpaste. “You didn't have a potion you could have used?”

 

“At the bottom of my magically expanded bag. I couldn't retrieve them without magic and time was of the essence. When your breathing and heartbeat had stabilized, I went outside and got them. You've had both a bezoar and a neutralizing potion. How does your stomach feel?”

 

“Questionable.” He said spitting into the sink and taking a mouthful of water. “How did you know to use that?”

 

“When I was a little girl our dog, Pepper, ate a bunch of chocolate. It's what the Veterinarian told us to use.”

 

“Hmmm.” He grunted again, leaning heavily against the sink.

 

“You're still a bit weak, aren't you?”

 

He glanced up and nodded his head.

 

“Well come on.” She stepped forward to take his arm. “Lets get you back to bed.”

 

“I can walk.” He pulled his arm away from her and walked slowly to the bed, crawling in, he pulled the covers up to his chest.

 

“I have some water if you think your stomach can handle it.”

 

“No.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I just want to sleep.”

 

“Well drink this at least.” He opened his eyes and she handed him a vial. “It's another neutralizing potion with something added to settle your stomach.”

 

He flicked off the lid and drank down the contents, holding up the empty vial for her to take. He turned his head and watched wordlessly as she climbed into the other side of the bed and lay her head on the pillow. “Do you want to kill yourself Severus?” She whispered hoarsely.

 

He sighed heavily and turned his head to stare up at that ceiling. “What difference does it really make, Hermione? Whether I want to kill myself or not is no longer relevant as it is obvious I have failed. For something as relatively simple as dying, I seem to be woefully inept at it. This is three times now I've tried and failed.”

 

“So you want to die?”

 

He shook his head and closed his eyes. “I don't want to think anymore. Just let me sleep.” He said, cutting her off when she opened her mouth to speak again. “I just want to sleep.”

 

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

 

When he woke again later, the sun was streaming through the windows. Running his hand down his face he turned his head. “You're still here.” He whispered to the woman lying next to him.

 

“I didn't want you to be alone.” She whispered.

 

“You poured out all of the potions that Lucius brought yesterday.”

 

“I know.” She said lowering her eyes and flushing crimson. “I just......maybe I didn't want to be alone either. Is that okay?” She looked up and met his eyes.

 

“Of course.” He whispered softly. “I need to get up for a moment.” He said frowning up at the ceiling, his face coloring pink. “And you may want to avert your eyes.”

 

“Why?” She laughed. “I've already seen everything you've got. I undressed you, remember?”

 

“Ahhh. Yes. Well......” He lifted the covers and peered beneath them. “There's a bit more of me at the moment.”

 

She wrinkled her nose in confusion “Oh? Ohhhhhhh.....” She flushed crimson as understanding dawned on her. “Okay. Why don't I go downstairs and fix you some tea and something to eat. Do you think you can eat?”

 

“I can try.”

 

“Okay.” She said, climbing from the bed. “I'll be right back.”

 

He waited until he heard her footsteps on the stairs before slowly rising from the bed. He still felt weak, but he was far less shaky then before. Stepping into the bathroom, he looked around in surprise. A new striped shower curtain hung from the rod, the floor gleamed and fresh clean towels hung from the rack. 'How long was I asleep?' He wondered as he used the loo. When he was finished, he reached into the shower and turned on the water. He stepped inside and let the hot water wash away the remaining cobwebs from his brain.

 

“Feeling better?” She asked when he came out of the bathroom, a towel draped around his hips.

 

“A bit.” He surveyed the tray of food she had placed on the bed. Chicken, gravy, mashed. “Where did this come from?” He asked. “I know I didn't have anything like this here. And you cleaned the bathroom. How long was I asleep?”

 

“About 9 hours.” She said, passing him a plate and a fork. “I thought this would be gentle on your stomach.”

 

“It's good.” He said, taking a bite of potatoes. “I didn't realize how hungry I was. You did all this by yourself, without magic.”

 

“Well no.” She stared down at her plate. “I had a little help. I hope you don't mind, but I called Luna to come over and help me.”

 

“Luna Lovegood? From Ravenclaw? And she was willing to help you clean up that mess without magic.”

 

“She has experience with that type of thing.” Hermione said, taking a bite of chicken and avoiding his gaze.

 

“Experience. What kind of experience?”

 

She pushed her potatoes around her plate with her fork. “Well I don't know if you know this or not, but Luna and George Weasley have been living together for the past year or so. After the war, losing Fred, George had a bit of trouble with alcohol and potions. He's better now. He's been going to AA for over 6 months now. But it was hard, for them both, in the beginning. Are you full?” She looked up and saw that he was just staring down at his plate, lost in thought.

 

“What?” He looked up at her blankly. “Oh yes. Thank you. That was wonderful.”

 

“Feeling better?” She asked, taking the dishes and setting then on the dresser.

 

“A bit.” He yawned loudly. “It certainly doesn't feel like I was asleep 9 hours. I'm knackered.”

 

“Well lay back down.” She said, pulling back the covers and crawling into the other side of the bed.

 

He watched her carefully before pulling back his own side and lowering himself against the pillows. Pulling the covers up to his chest he turned his head and stared at her, his face sad. “I really am sorry. For what I did. I just wanted...........I thought........I.......oh Merlin's balls.” He sighed, running his hand down his face. “I don't know what I was thinking.”

 

“I know.” She whispered, her eyes crawling over his face. “I over reacted. It was just so strange thinking that you.....with my.....it's just so..........” Her voice trailed off helplessly. “Can I ask you something?”

 

He nodded his head solemnly.

 

“Why me? I mean if it's not transference then why?”

 

“I don't know.” He whispered hoarsely. “It started in St. Mungo's. When I couldn't move or speak. There was this dream. And I kept having it over and over again.”

 

“About me? Tell me.”

 

He closed his eyes. “It starts out in the Shrieking Shack. I'm facing the Dark Lord and I know I'm going to die, I'm ready to die. Nagini attacks me and it doesn't hurt as bad as I feared it would. I'm drifting away and then you're there, begging me, calling me, pleading with me to come back, to stay with you. Then I'm choking. My mouth and my throat are filled with something bitter and salty. It's thick and I try to swallow. Then it changes and I'm lying in a field. I'm..........” He opened his eyes to stare at her before continuing. “I'm naked and at first I think I'm with Mary, then Lily, but it's you and I know it's wrong. I shouldn't be with you like that, but he feels so good and so right and......................it feels like nothing I've ever felt before.” He waits, his eyes searching her face for her reaction.

 

“Oh Severus. I have to tell you something.” She sighed. “Something important, a confession of sorts........I guess.”

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

"A confession." Severus repeated slowly, his eyes wary. "What type of confession?"

"The type where I tell you I was at the Shrieking Shack the night of the final battle." She sighed heavily.

"I knew that." His eyes narrowed with confusion. "I don't remember a lot about what happened, but I do remember that you handed Mr. Potter the bottle for..."

"No." She shook her head, interrupting him. "After that...I came back."

"You came back." His eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"You were dying. I couldn't just leave you." She shrugged. "I had to at least try to help."

" _Hermione, come on." Harry yelled._

" _I can't." She glanced over her shoulder to where Snape lay, still and bleeding. "I can't just leave him there to die, alone."_

" _Whut are you talking about 'Mione." Ron gasped, rubbing at the stitch in his side. "The fighting is at the castle. We need you. Forget about the greasy git and come on."_

" _I can't." She said, tears streaming down her face. "I have to at least try to save him. Please." She looked at both Ron and Harry, her eyes begging. "Please try to understand."_

_Harry stared at her, then looked towards the castle. "Go on then." He grunted, turning to lope away. "Just join us when you can."_

" _I will." She called over her shoulder, already turning back to the dying man._

_As she got closer to him, the copper smell of blood filled her nose and coated her tongue. He lay slumped against the wall, his face white as a sheet, a large pool of blood surrounding him._

" _Professor?" She whispered, kneeling beside him and pressing her fingers to his face. His skin was ice cold and there was a frightening gurgling sound coming from his ravaged throat. Reaching down she grabbed his wrist, feeling for a pulse. She felt something, but it was so faint, she couldn't be sure. Pressing her fingers to his neck she could just feel the faint flutter of his pulse against her fingertips. "Professor." She called louder this time, tapping her wand against her beaded bag, several potion vials leaped into her hands. "Severus!" She called, pressing her hand against his cheek. His eyes opened weakly at the sound of his given name and then closed again. "No Professor don't. Open your eyes. I need you to stay with me. Severus!" She called again, stroking her hand down his cheek and his hair. She flipped the lid off a vial and placed it at his lips. "Please let this work." She whispered._

_Prying his lips open, she filled his mouth with the viscous fluid. She watched, terrified, as he choked and sputtered, his bleeding throat working to swallow the liquid. Almost immediately, he reached up and tried to bat her hands away. "Professor, no." She begged, easily catching his weakened grasp. "Please. Stay with me. You can't die." Tipping the bottle, she poured the remainder of the fluid into his mouth. She sat back and watched as the bleeding from his throat slowed and stopped. Pressing her fingers back to his neck, she smiled when his pulse seemed stronger. Grabbing a bottle of blood replenishing potion, she opened his mouth and poured it in, sighing with relief when he swallowed reflexively._

" _I have to go now." She whispered, leaning down and pressing her lips to his still pale cheek. "I have to leave you here, but I'll come back. Please hang on. Don't leave me."_

"I didn't want to leave you there. But I didn't..." She wiped away a tear that had trickled down her cheek. "I didn't know what the outcome would be and I didn't want He Who...Lord Voldemort to know you were still alive."

"So it was real?" He let out a long sigh. "It wasn't a dream. I thought I was losing my mind. It seemed so real, but I was sure it couldn't be. Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders. "Scared I guess. Then when I heard about the problems you were having. The drinking...I wondered if maybe it was my fault, had I caused this by saving you?"

"No." He shook his head slowly. "I was prepared to die. I expected to die. I was completely gobsmacked to wake up and discover I was still alive. But this is not your fault. There is much more to...my issues, then my unexpected survival." He shook his head again in disbelief. "You took the time to save me. Why? How? What was that you gave me? I've never tasted anything like it before in my life."

"Phoenix tears. Fawke's tears to be precise."

"But how? How did you get them?"

"From Dumbledore." She shrugged.

"But how?" He asked again, more emphatically. "When did he give them to you?"

"I don't know for sure. They were just there, at my parents home the summer of my sixth year, before we left on our little Horcrux adventure. I can only guess that Dumbledore delivered them sometime before he died. My parents couldn't really remember anything, except a tall man with a white beard and a robe had delivered a package for me. I suspect he altered their memories a bit."

Severus nodded his head and frowned. "And that was it? Did he leave you any instructions?"

"There was a note. He said I was to only use them in a case of life or death and I wasn't to tell anyone about them, not even Ron and Harry. He said I was the only one he could trust to use them correctly and not to waste them. I was tempted to use them when Ron splinched himself." She frowned, biting her lip. "But I knew that he wasn't going to die. He was just in a lot of pain. I would have used them for Dobby, but I was unconscious at the time..." she hesitated, her face pale, "...from the pain of the Cruciatus curse. So that left you." She smiled nervously at him, before glancing quickly away.

"You came back for me." He shook his head again in disbelief. "You were needed at the castle, but you came back. For me. Why?"

"I don't know." She shrugged, rolling over on her back to stare up at the ceiling. "I just couldn't let you die there. I just couldn't imagine a world without you in it. You're just so...so...so...you." She turned her head to look at him, her cheeks pink. "Maybe what everybody else sees is true." She whispered, her voice barely audible.

"What's that." He whispered back, his voice equally soft.

"Maybe I do fancy you a bit after all." She blushed even redder at the look of surprise on his face. Turning away she stared back up at the ceiling, her white teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. "Severus?"

"Mmmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

She rolled over and grabbed something from the night table. "What is this? Luna and I found them stashed about when we were looking for other potions."

Severus' face flushed crimson as he saw that she was holding up one of his bottles of lubrication. "Ahhhhh that." He stuttered. "It's uhmmmm, well it's..."

 


	24. Chapter 24

“Oh Merlin.” She laughed. “Look at you blush. It must be something dirty.” She said grinning wickedly.

 

“I'm Slytherin. I don't blush.” He snarled, reaching over and snatching the bottle out of her hand.

 

“Right. That's why your face is bright red.” She teased, rolling on her side to stare at him. “So are you going to tell me what it is or not?”

 

“If you must know, it's something I developed on my own. It's a lotion, I suppose.”

 

“You suppose?”

 

“Or a massage oil if you will. Here, roll over onto your stomach. I'll show you.” He sat up and stared down at her, waiting.

 

“Are you sure you're up to it? You're not too weak?”

 

“I think I'm recovered enough to massage your tiny back.” He scowled at her.

 

“Well I am a bit sore.” She said, moving over to lie on her stomach. “I had to lift you and drag you into the bathroom. You're not exactly light, you know.” She turned her head to glare at him.

 

“Just lie down.” He growled, opening the bottle and pouring some into his hand. “This will probably work better if you.........” His eyes widened as she reached up and pulled his t shirt over her head, baring her back to him. “......removed your shirt.” He finished in a hoarse whisper.

 

“You've already seen everything I have.” She said, laying her head on her folded arms.

 

“That was merely a copy.” He grunted softly. “And a poor one at that.” He moved on the bed and straddled, kneeling, across her legs.

 

“Oh it's warm.” She moaned as he rubbed his hands across shoulders and down her arms.

 

“It heats to a higher then normal body temperature. It's non greasy, odorless, tasteless.”

 

“Tasteless?” She opened an eye and turned her head to stare up at him.

 

“Yes tasteless.” He growled. “Now are you going to stop your incessant infernal chattering so I can proceed?”

 

“Alright. Sorry.” She settled her face back onto her arms. “You don't have to get your knickers in a twist.”

 

“I'm not wearing my knickers, you are.” He quipped, running his thumbs down the ridges of her spine. “So as I saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, it's odorless and tasteless and yes, as I'm sure you have already surmised, it can be used for less savory purposes.”

 

“Less savory purposes?” The witch below him snorted. “Don't you mean sex?”

 

“Of course I mean sex.” He said, working at a particularly tender knot under her shoulder blade. “Haven't a mentioned how much I like to masturbate?”

 

“You may have said something about it once or twice.” She moaned softly as his hands worked wonders on the sore muscles of her back.

 

“What was missing.” She muttered softly.

 

“I beg your pardon.”

 

He pulled his hands back as she twisted and rolled over beneath him. Lying on her back, her breasts beautifully naked, she stared up at him, her face serious. “What was missing?”

 

“Missing?” He croaked, confused by her question.

 

“You said it was a poor copy. What was missing.”

 

Her heart thudded painfully in her chest as he stared down at her. His black eyes bored into hers and she wondered for a moment if he was going to answer. “Your mind.” He breathed hoarsely.

 

They stayed that way for several minutes, just staring, before they each spoke, interrupting the other, “I would like to....” “Would you......”

 

“You first.” She whispered.

 

“I would like very much to kiss you.” He said slowly, his voice barely audible.

 

The staccato of her heart beat even faster as she nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak. Her breath caught in her throat as he leaned over, his long black hair hanging down, and lightly pressed his lips to hers in a lingering kiss. He pulled back, his black eyes searching her face for a reaction. She smiled and ran her thumb along his cheek, down his face to trace along his bottom lip.

 

“Merlin.” He moaned softly, lowering his head and capturing her lips again, this time more urgently. She whimpered softly as his tongue pressed inside her mouth and danced gracefully against hers. Still kissing, he moved to his side, wrapping his long arms around her tiny frame and pulling her flush against him. His own heart was thudding loudly and his hands seemed to burn with the feel of her skin beneath them. “This is wrong.” He gasped, pulling his lips away from her and pressing his forehead to hers. His chest rose and fell in labored breaths.

 

“Yes it is.” She panted, her own breathing rapid and gasping.

 

“You were my student.”

 

“And you were my patient.”

 

“We should stop.” He groaned, his fingers running over her flesh in direct opposition to his words.

 

“I suppose we should.” She nodded, her fingers gripping his shoulders tightly,

 

“Mmmmm.” He leaned forward and captured her lips in another passionate kiss. “Uggggg.” He growled, pulling away. “We really should stop. This is a mistake.”

 

“A terrible mistake. Huge.” She agreed, running her hand along his shoulders and down to his chest.

 

“Then why does it feel so bloody good?”

 

“I don't know.” She whispered, placing soft kisses on his neck and his shoulders. “But it does feel good.”

 

“Too fucking good.” He growled, peppering her face with tiny kisses. “And bloody hell I don't want to stop.”

 

“Neither do I.” She moaned as his lips and tongue worked their way down her neck; kissing, biting, teasing. “But what will people think?”

 

“I don't really care. I've wanted you for too long.”

 

“Then I don't care either.” She whispered against his lips.

 

“You want me?” He pulled back to stare into her face, his eyes searching, his expression betraying his insecurity. “I'm not a good man Hermione. I have.........issues, problems. You more then anyone should know that.”

 

“I do know that Severus.” She sighed, running her hand down his taut abdomen. “And I still want you. I guess I have for a while now, I just wasn't willing to admit it.”

 

“Oh fuck.” He gasped looking down at her hand sliding up and down the velvet skin of his cock.

 

“You weren't exaggerating where you?” She said, staring down as she ran her thumb across the soft tip.

 

“It's not really in my nature to exaggerate.” He said, his voice strained.

 

“You're so hard.” She whispered, watching his face as she squeezed and stroked him.

 

“I feel like I'm going to explode. What are you doing?” He asked as she grabbed the bottle of lubrication and poured some in the palm of her hand.

 

“Testing your stamina.”

 

“Uhhhh.” He panted heavily as he lifted his head to watch her tiny hand glide up and down the flesh of his cock. He struggled to keep his eyes open and to hold back unmanly whimpers as waves of pleasure radiated from his cock to his stomach and out to his limbs. “Oh fuck you are driving me mad.” He mumbled as she moved her slick hand over the sensitive head, drawing him closer and closer to release. His head fell back and his hips thrust reflexively into her fist.

 

Heat pulsed in Hermione's core as she watched the play of responses dance across her Potion Master's face. She knew he was struggling to hold back, making her all the more determined to make him lose control. Moving her hand down, she gently tugged and squeezed his balls, thrilling as he groaned softly and twisted his hands into the messy sheets. Placing her hand back on the surprisingly velvet skin of his cock, she squeezed gently while stroking her hand up and down the shaft and across the head. An almost orgasmic shiver raced through her when he groaned deep in his throat and his lips turned up in a very familiar sneer. His whole body shuddered and his cock stiffened in her hand. Another thrill shot through her when his back arched and he cried out, hot come splashing on her stomach, wrist and hand.

 

'I made Professor Snape come. I touched his cock and I made him come.' Raced madly through her mind as she held his softening member and watched his chest rise and fall in great shuddering breaths. Glancing up to his face, she saw that he was watching her carefully, a wary expression on his face. She smiled reassuringly and ran her hand across his stomach.

 

“I want to be the only one that gets to see that look on your face from now on.” She said, narrowing her eyes at him.

 

“Are we being a bit possessive?” He chuckled, reaching down to pull her into his arms.

 

She pushed herself up against his chest and stared into his face. “I mean it, Severus. No Witches, no Muggles. Just me. I hated hearing about you and all those other woman.”

 

“Are you saying I've acted like a slut?” He teased, a smirk curling up the corners of his mouth as she glared at him. “I don't have any problem with that.” He chuckled, running his fingers through her hair. “No problem with that at all.” He pressed his lips tenderly to hers. “I only want you.” She squealed when he wrapped his arms around her and flipped her on her back, “Only Hermione.” He whispered hoarsely as he trailed his lips over her skin. She whimpered softly when he wrapped his hand around her breast and lowered his mouth to her nipple, teasing and flicking at it with his tongue.

 

“Severus.” She hissed, arching her back and tangling her fingers into his long black hair as he continued to work his way down her body, licking, biting, nibbling his way across her naked flesh. She opened her eyes and watched him carefully as he hooked his fingers into the waist band of his boxers shorts and slowly slid them down her legs.

 

“Oh Merlin.” He sighed softly as he settled himself between her legs and placed feather light kisses along the inside of her thighs. She shivered and shook when he rubbed his nose against the soft, wet curls between her legs.

 

“Oh Severus.” She cried out loudly when he opened her folds with his thumbs and ran his tongue up her center, circling her clit gently with his tongue. “Oh that feels so good.” She hissed as he laved and licked her most intimate area. It was her turn now to grip the sheets as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over her. Lifting her head, she gazed down at the man between her legs, a thrill ran through her when she met his black eyes staring up at her, watching as she moaned and writhed in ecstasy. He gripped her hips tightly, holding her still as the ball of tension inside her belly grew larger and larger, threatening to engulf her. “Ohhhhhhhhh.” She called out loudly as her eyes closed and lights flashed behind her eyelids. Trembling and twitching, she gasped for air as he lovingly kissed and nuzzled her wet sex, waiting as she rode out the last waves of her orgasm. She opened her eyes when she felt his weight shift on the bed. He balanced himself above her, the tip of his cock pressing against her wet center.

 

“Are you sure?” He whispered, his normally stoic face a mask of fear and insecurity. “Are you sure you want this?”

 

“More then anything.” She said firmly, reaching up to brush away the dark curtain of his hair. “I want you Severus Snape. Make love to me, please.”

 


	25. Chapter 25

“Oh Merlin.” He whispered hoarsely as he moved his hips, pressing himself forward into her tight, wet heat. “Look at me. That's right.” He groaned when her amber brown eyes met his. “My beautiful, brilliant, Hermione.”

 

“Know it all, don't you mean.” She gasped, her fingers squeezing into his hips.

 

“Mmmmmmm, sometimes, you were exactly that.” He pressed his face against her neck as he buried himself deep inside her. “Merlin you feel good.” He hissed, circling his hips and grinding his pelvis against hers. “I was a fool to think anyone could ever.........” His words died out in a groan as he slowly pulled out and pressed forward again. “Are you okay?” He asked when she gasped and bit down on her lower lip.

 

“Mmmmm. Yes.” She nodded her head. “It's just....you're inside me and it feels so......and it's you.....and I never thought......it's never been........” She cried out, arching her back to meet him as he thrust himself inside her again. “Oh Severus.” She moaned wildly.

 

“Shhhhh.” He whispered hoarsely, placing tender kisses across her face before rising up to stare deep into her eyes. “It's me and I've got you. I'm going to take good care of you.” Moving his hips, he thrust rapidly, before slowing again, caressing her with deep long strokes. “Does it feel good?”

 

“Ohhhhh yessssss.” She hissed, staring up into his face and nodding her head frantically as she moaned softly.

 

“Good.” He grunted, sliding his hand under her leg and lifting it up. “I want to make you feel good.”

 

“Oh Severus.” She cried out again as he sank himself deep inside her.

 

“That's it. Scream my name. Let me know how good it feels.” He hovered above her, hips moving rhythmically, his hair falling down around them like a curtain.

 

“Oh Severus.” She whimpered, reaching up to brush his hair away from his face, her eyes locking with his. “I never knew it could feel this good.”

 

His deep chuckle turned into a moan as he slide his hand down her side and gripped her waist tightly. “Fuck you feel good.” He mumbled as he moved his hips, faster and harder, driving himself deeper and deeper inside her. “I want to make you come, Hermione. Will you come for me?” He urged as her soft moans became whimpers and her body tensed beneath him. “That's right.” He groaned. “Let it go, love. Just let everything go.” He watched eagerly as her face contorted with the force of her release and he felt her muscles dance and squeeze around his swollen organ. “Uhhhhhh fuck Hermione.” He cried out frantically, his own explosion rocking him, making him shake and shudder as he emptied inside her. “Uhhhhh,” He trembled above her, breathing like a winded horse. Not wanting to crush her, he collapsed heavily on the bed, his arm and leg still slung across her body. Rolling away from her, he stared up at the ceiling, frowning and quiet.

 

“Are you okay?” She asked, brushing strands of hair away from his sweaty face.

 

“I'm no good for you.” He whispered, shaking his head and closing his eyes against her gaze.

 

“Don't say that.” She traced her fingers along his cheek. “You're amazing and brilliant and strong and brave. You're a hero Severus Snape.”

 

“And you are naive if you still believe all that.” He placed a tender kiss on the palm of her hand. “I am a failure.”

 

“You are not. You're a survivor.”

 

“I don't want to be a survivor anymore.” He sighed, his deep voice thick with emotion. “When do I get to live?”

 

“Whenever you want. You just have to let yourself.” She leaned forward and placed a kiss on the tip of his nose.

 

“You make it sound so simple.” Drawing her close and hugging her to him.

 

“It is simple. You just do it.”

 

“Ahhhh. There's my optimistic little Gryffindor.” He smiled ruefully. “You do make it sound simple. Will you be patient with me? I don't know how to do this.”

 

“I haven't given up on you yet, have I you silly man?”

 

“No you haven't.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I don't know why, but you haven't.”

 

“Because you deserve some happiness in your life.”

 

“I don't deserve you.” He sighed sadly.

 

“Well then it's lucky for both of us that it's my decision to make and not yours. I'll decide what's good for me, thank you very much.”

 

“Such cheek.” He said, hugging her tightly to him. “Mmmmm. I want to make love to you again, but right now.....” He yawned loudly “......I'm knackered. Just let me rest my eyes for a bit and I'll be good as new.”

 

“Take your time.” She whispered, snuggling against him. “Severus?”

 

“Hmm?” He grunted.

 

“Do you want to drink? Now?”

 

“I always want to drink Hermione.” He said softly. “But at the moment I'm content just to hold you. Don't think about it.”

 

“Do you think you can ever stop drinking?”

 

He lay silent for so long, she thought he had already fallen asleep. His chest rumbled against her skin when he spoke. “With you in my arms, I think I could do anything.”

 

“You can do anything. You just have to believe you deserve it. And you do deserve to be happy.”

 

“Hm.” He grunted sleepily. “I'll be sure to do just that. As soon as I wake up.”

 

“Oh you.” She muttered.

 

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

 

Hermione woke to the delicious feeling of fingertips running gently across her skin. “What are you doing?”

 

“Touching you. Your skin is so soft.” He murmured, leaning over to let his lips follow along the trail of his fingers. She moaned softly as he licked and nibbled his way across her torso, pausing to suck on one hardened nipple. “I want to touch you as much as I can before you realize what a right bastard I really am and go running straight away in the opposite direction.”

 

“I already know what a snarky bastard you are and I'm not planning on running anywhere. Oh Severus.” She whimpered, running her fingers through his long black hair. She gasped when his fingers gently pulled and teased her other nipple into a hardened peak. Kissing his way across her chest, he nuzzled her neck tenderly before moving to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. She moaned into his mouth, when his busy fingers worked their way down her stomach to gently push her thighs apart.

 

“You're so wet. I think you might want me.” He whispered into her mouth as his fingers parted her folds and lightly stroked, barely grazing her sensitive bundle of nerves.

 

“I do want you.” She panted, moving her hips against his hand. “More. Harder.”

 

“Greedy Witch.” He chuckled, nibbling on her lower lip before pressing his tongue into her mouth to dance eagerly with hers. She kissed him back frantically as his featherlight touches on her clit made her quiver with need. “Tell me what you want Hermione.” He growled against her lips.

 

She groaned with frustration and shook her head stubbornly, once again trying to grind herself against his hand. “I did tell you, I want you.”

 

“Yes, but tell me exactly what you want me to do to you.

 

“Uhhhh Severus.” She growled with frustration. “Don't be so mean.”

 

“I told you I was a bastard.” He laughed. “Now tell me what you want.”

 

“You.” She gasped. “I want you.”

 

“You have me.” He said, lightly pressing her clit with his thumb. “But what is it you would like me to do. Tell me.”

 

“Oh Merlin.” She groaned, her hips moving involuntarily. “I hate you Severus Snape, I really do.”

 

“Now who's being mean?”

 

“You.” She gasped. “You're being dreadfully mean.”

 

“I'm not being mean.” He whispered, trailing his lips down her neck, making her squirm even more. “I'll do anything you want. You only have to ask.”

 

“Fuck.” She growled. “Just fuck me already. I want you to fuck me with your hard cock. Are you happy now?”

 

“Extremely.” He smiled. “Do you like to be on top?”

 

“What?” Her eyes widened at his question. No other lover had ever asked her what she liked. “I'm not sure....I've only.....I've never.....”

 

“Mmmmm. Well let's try it and see.” He said, rolling over onto his back. “Straddle my waist. Yes just like that.” Grabbing the base of his cock with one hand and placing his hand on her waist, he carefully lined himself with her wet heat. “Now lower yourself. Yesssssss.” He moaned as her wet heat engulfed him. “Just like that.”

 

“Oh fuck.” She hissed as he filled and stretched her. His black eyes watching her eagerly her made feel exposed and vulnerable. She squeezed her eyes shut against the intensity of his gaze.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked, concerned. “Then don't close your eyes.” He whispered when she nodded her head. “I want to look at you. Why are you shy?”

 

“Because it's you.” She said, opening her eyes and staring down at him. “It's you and I just never thought, never imagined, never believed I'd be like this with you. I don't want to disappoint you.”

 

“You could never disappoint me.” He whispered, gripping her hips tightly

 

“This feels so amazing.” She moaned, moving her hips and sinking down further on him. “It feels so deep, so full.” Leaning forward, she grabbed his wrists and pressed his arms up over his head.

 

“What are you doing, Hermione.” He groaned softly.

 

“Exploring you. Can I?” He grunted softly and nodded his head as she ran her fingertips down his arms, pausing to lightly squeeze his biceps. His eyes fluttered closed as her fingers trailed across his chest, teasing and exploring.

 

“Don't.” He moved his head, trying to hide his neck when she worked her way towards his scars. “Hermione. Don't. It's hideous.” He growled when she persisted with her exploration.

 

“Shhhhh.” She breathed softly against his skin as her fingers trailed along his stubble rough jaw. Gently pushing up on his chin, she turned his head so she could expose his neck. “It's not hideous.” She murmured, lightly licking along the jagged scar. “It's a part of you and it's beautiful.” His groan dissolved into a whimper as she nibbled and licked along his neck.

 

“Mmmm Hermione.” He moaned, reaching down to grasp the swell of her arse as she moved over him, her wet heat sliding over his throbbing erection. Gripping her tightly, he bent his knees and thrust slowly up with his hips making her gasp with surprise and pleasure. “Don't stop.” He grunted when she pulled her lips from his neck. “It feels good.” She smiled and returned her lips to his skin, sucking and licking even as waves of pleasure coursed through her with each fluid thrust of his hips.

 

“Severus.” She murmured hotly against his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. “Oh Merlin that feels so good.” She whimpered as his thick cock rubbed against her clit with every thrust.

 

Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly as he jerked his hips up off the bed, driving himself deeper and deeper inside her. His heart swelled as she whimpered and whined against him, her body quivering with mounting tension. Gripping her hips, he pistoned his hips furiously and was rewarded when she shuddered and cried out loudly as she came. Never faltering, he moved even faster, groaning as she tightened almost painfully around him. “Oh fuck. Hermione.” He roared loudly as he own orgasm erupted and he came hard, exploding inside her. “Uh, uh, uh.” He grunted as he thrust jerkily, milking his cock of the last of his juices. He fell back against the bed, his heart pounding, gasping for breath.

 

“Am I too heavy.” She panted.

 

“You.” He snorted, squeezing her around the middle. “You could never be too heavy.”

 

“So what happens now?” She asked trailing her fingers across his chest, tugging gently on his chest hair.

 

“I thought we might take a shower and have some dinner. Are you hungry?”

 

“No.” She sighed, leaning up to look at him. “Not immediately now, now in the future. Was this a one off or.......”

 

“A one off?” He exclaimed, gripping her shoulder as he pulled himself into a sitting position. “How could you ever think this could be a one off? I don't want this to be a one off, do you?”

 

“Well no......but what are we going to do? What will people say? What will they think? How will we tell people?”

 

“I don't know.” He shrugged, shaking his head slowly. “I imagine it will come as a bit of a shock to some.”

 

“That's putting it mildly.” She snorted. “And I can't be your counselor anymore. You'll have to find someone else at the ministry.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I mean it Severus. You can't just ignore it.”

 

“I won't. Are you always going to be this bossy and cheeky with me?” He sighed dramatically, a smirk turning up the corners of his lips.

 

“Only when you need it.” Leaning up she kissed him gently on the lips. “Can we worry about all this later? I'm starving.”

 

He kissed her back and hugged her tightly. “Good idea. Eat now, worry later. But let's shower first. I think you need me to wash your back for you.”

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

“What about Dennis Creevey?” Hermione said, looking up from her book to stare at the dark haired man seated next to her on the couch.

 

“Isn't he the little twit who fell out of the boat his first day at Hogwarts?” Severus asked, turning the page of potions journal he was reading.

 

“Well he was eleven then. He's a grown man now and quite a good counselor He's very well respected.”

 

“Hmmmm. I refuse to entrust my emotional well being to an idiot too stupid to keep his arse in a bloody moving boat.” He lifted her feet from his lap and set his journal on the table next to the sofa. She watched with narrowed eyes as he made his third trip to the loo.

 

“Theodore Nott?” She asked when he had returned to his place and returned her feet to his lap.

 

“Not bloody likely.” He snorted, opening his magazine and rattling the pages derisively.

 

“He's a Slytherin.”

 

“Which explains my answer.”

 

“Alicia Spinnet?”

 

“Gryffindor Quidditch player turned counselor? I don't think so.” He sighed, pushing her legs aside and standing up again.

 

“You're being impossible. You know that don't you?” She called after him as he slammed the door to the loo.

 

“You have to chose someone.” She said, lifting her legs up when he returned to his seat. She watched with a critical eye as his hand shook when he picked the journal. “Did you hear me?”

 

“I heard you Hermione. Just like I've heard you the last 20 times we've discussed this.”

 

“I'm only mentioning it because it's going to be a tad difficult for us to maintain a relationship if you're in Azkaban.”

 

“I'm not going to Azkaban.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose wearily.

 

“You might if you don't get off your arse and chose another counselor. They've already sent me three memos.”

 

“They are all my former students. It's.....disturbing.”

 

“I was your student.”

 

“That's different.” He said, reaching over to run his finger across her knee. “It was you. Truth be told I just wanted to be near you, I didn't give a wit about the reason why when I chose you as my counselor.”

 

“You mean you didn't pick me for my counseling abilities?”

 

“No.” He shook his head thoughtfully. “More for your tits actually.”

 

“Ugggh.” She groaned, rolling her eyes. “You are impossible. Absolutely bloody impossible. Fine. What about Gerald Jeffery? He's older.”

 

“And he's a git.” Snape snorted. “I went to school with him Hermione, he's a complete tosser. I wouldn't trust him to fix my sink, let alone pour out my soul to him. Bloody hell.” He growled, tossing his journal aside and rising quickly. She watched as he stalked his way to the loo and slammed the door.

 

“Here.” She said, holding up a potion vial when he returned to his seat.

 

“What's that.” He snarled, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

 

“It's something to settle your stomach and to help with some of your physical discomfort. Take it.”

 

“I don't want it.” He growled, rattling the pages of his journal.

 

“I don't care. You've been to the loo five times since I've been here. Your hands are shaking and it's clear you have diarrhea. Stop being so bloody proud Severus and take it. It will help, I promise.”

 

“And I've told you I don't want it.” He tossed the magazine roughly to the floor. “Bloody hell woman, you aren't my counselor anymore, can't you just leave it alone.”

 

“You're right I'm not your counselor anymore.” She yelled angrily. “I'm more. As your counselor I was willing to let you act like a stubborn fool and suffer unnecessarily. Now I'm the woman who cares about you and I'll be damned if I'll sit by and watch you suffer. So drink the bloody potion. For fuck's sake Severus, why are you being so bloody stubborn? Why won't you take it?”

 

“I know the ingredients in that particular potion. I was something of a Potion Master or perhaps you've already forgotten that?” He glared at her sarcastically. “There are ingredients in there that make me feel foggy, they muddle my mind. I don't want it.”

 

“Oh and drinking half a gallon of Old Ogden's leaves you sharp as a tack I suppose?” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Don't you think I know that you wouldn't want anything that might effect you cognitive abilities? Don't you think that when I brewed this potion, specifically for you, I made sure to account for that fact?”

 

“What do you mean 'specifically for me'? You brewed this yourself?”

 

“Of course I did.” She sighed. “And quite successfully I might add. I'm a rather gifted brewer, if I do say so myself.”

 

“Well of course you are, you had an amazing teacher.” He snorted. “Why didn't you tell me you brewed this yourself?”

 

“You never asked. Severus, part of your issues, part of what I was trying to address with you is your inability to trust. I needed you to trust me enough to tell me why you didn't want to take the potion. Now you have and I understand your concerns. And I can assure you, there is nothing in here that will leave you feeling lethargic or muddled. It will only help with your stomach upset and resulting symptoms. Now for fucks sake, will you trust me and take the bloody potion. Please.”

 

“Merlin you are annoying.” He snarled, snatching the vial out of her hand. Flicking off the lid, he sniffed bottle carefully. Tossing his head back, he drank it down and held the empty vial out to her. He was shocked when the grinding, watery feeling in his bowels instantly vanished.

 

“Feeling better?” She asked, a knowing smirk on her lips.

 

“I suppose.” He mumbled, reaching down to retrieve his journal, glad that the horrible cramping in his stomach had vanished as well. “Now will you stop your incessant chattering so I can finish reading this article?”

 

“Of course, Severus.” She smiled, opening her book and finding her place again. They read together in silence, Hermione soon losing herself in her novel. She raised her eyes when she felt his warm hand reach under her trouser leg and wrap around her ankle. He had laid his journal aside and was watching her carefully, his thumb gently caressing her skin. “Did you finish your article?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Mmm hmm.” He grunted, running his hand further up her leg and pulling gently.

 

“What are you doing Severus?”

 

“Apologizing.” He whispered, taking her book from her and setting it aside. He grabbed her hand and tugged, guiding her onto his lap. “I don't mean to be so snarky.” He sighed heavily, laying his head on her shoulder. “I just hate this. All of it. I hate that I don't feel well. I hate that I'm expected to pour my heart and soul out to some former dunderheaded student. I hate that I can't do magic or brew potions; that all I can do is putter around this ridiculous house, craving a drink and waiting for you to leave work so I can see you. This is not who I am. I am productive. I invent spells, I perfect potions and I can do neither of those things and it's driving me mad. I feel..............” he paused, clearing his throat uncomfortably. “I feel weak, useless. Like I am less of a man, less of a Wizard. And I'm terrified that you will start thinking less of me as well.”

 

“Severus stop.” She said, pressing her hand against his cheek, lifting his face so she could stare deep into his eyes. “I could never think less of you. Magic or not, you are Severus Snape, the most powerful Wizard I know. And you will get your wand back and you will get your license back. You just have to play nice and do what the ministry wants.”

 

“I don't want to play nice.” He groaned, burying his face against her neck and sighing heavily. “I don't like playing nice.”

 

“I know you don't.” She placed her hand on his head, caressing his hair. “But it's what you have to do. Just think ahead, when you are done and you have your wand back in your hand and your potions license back on the wall and you can do anything you want.”

 

He snorted in amusement. “I could vanish our clothes and we would be pressed naked together.”

 

“Is that all you want?” She giggled.

 

“At the moment.”

 

“Shall I do the honors?” She asked.

 

“Do you know how?” He drawled sarcastically.

 

“Hmmm. A simple vanishing spell?” She waved her hand and smiled as their clothes disappeared, leaving flesh against flesh. “I think I can manage it.”

 

“Mmmmm wandless and nonverbal. Sexy.” He growled, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her tightly.

 

“I had good teachers.” She moaned as he trailed his lips down her neck.

 

“I can see that.” He pressed his lips to hers while his thumb grazed across her nipple.

 

“Wanna see another trick?” She mumbled against his lips.

 

“Absolutely. Amaze me.” His baritone voice sent shivers down her spine. He chuckled darkly when she raised her hand and a bottle of his lubrication flew across the room to slap into her hand. “Now what are we going to do with that, I wonder?”

 

“Well..........” She said flushing pink. “There's something I can't stop thinking about. Something you said in our first session. When you said..........when you told me you liked to........when you said how often you...........”

 

“Masturbate.” He purred in her ear, drawing out the word.

 

“Yes...... that. Well I was thinking......I was wondering.......would you? What I mean to say, is I'd like to........Oh buggar.” She frowned. “Just forget I said anything. It's a crazy idea anyway.”

 

“Don't do that. Tell me what you want, Hermione.”

 

“I was wondering if I could watch, while you.........” Her voice trailed off again.

 

“Mmmmmm.” He moaned, his lips tickling her cheek. “So you want to watch your Professor touch his cock. What a filthy little mind you have Ms. Granger. I had no idea you could be so perverse.”

 

“I know.” She blushed crimson. “Just forget it. It's mental, I know.”

 

“On the contrary. I find it remarkably erotic.” He said, pushing her off his lap. “Now go sit over there you naughty little Gryffindor, so you can watch your Professor properly.” His eyes followed her as she moved to sit next to him on the sofa. Spreading his legs, he ran his left hand up his thighs and gently cupped his balls. “Very good. Now will you do the honors.” He held out his right hand out, palm up.

 

Struggling to keep her hand from shaking, Hermione opened the bottle and poured a small about of lubrication into his hand.

 

“Excellent.” He groaned, reaching down and lightly wrapping his fist around his hardening cock. He chuckled darkly at the soft hiss that escaped her lips as he slowly moved his hand up and down, squeezing himself gently. Resting his head against the back of the sofa, he turned his head to the side and watched her watching him, her eyes wide and eager. “Tell me something Ms. Granger.” He groaned. “When you were in my classroom, did you ever have any inappropriate thoughts about me?”

 

She blushed and nodded her head slowly, her eyes glued on the hand gliding up and down.

 

“Mmmmm.” He moaned happily. “Were they perhaps sexual in nature?”

 

She glanced quickly up at his face before nodding again.

 

“Would you tell me one?” He groaned, his voice low and sexy. “Please.” He added when she looked hesitant .

 

“We're in class.” She whispered softly, her eyes flicking between his face and his stroking hand. “And I'm at a table by myself, working on the assigned potion. You come up behind me and I can feel you, just standing there, watching me.”

 

“Mmmm. Do I say anything?”

 

“Not then.” Heat pooled in her center as she watched him rub his thumb across the head of his cock. “You just stand there, making me nervous, watching me, making me want you.” Her voice fell off as he stroked himself rapidly, then slowed again.

 

“Continue Ms Granger. Are there other students in the classroom?” His professorial tone combined with the amazing sight of him naked, stroking his cock made her heart pound and her breath catch in her throat.

 

“Yes. But they are working and they aren't paying us any attention. You lean over me and I can feel you against my back. “'Too much armadillo bile.' You say.” He snorted softly at her lowered voice imitation of him. “It's the amount you said to use, Professor Snape, I answer back. 'Did you include an anticlockwise stir?' You ask. 'I'm quite sure I did, Sir.'”

 

“So you're cheeky to me even in your fantasies.” Severus groaned, his hand squeezing gently while running up and down his cock.

 

“My heart is pounding as you press even closer to me, I can feel you hard against my back. I gasp as your hand settles on my waist 'Class dismissed' you sneer, 'but not you Ms. Granger. You will need to remain after class for your punishment'.” He moaned softly, his hand moving faster as her story progressed. “We watch as the class files out. Your hand moves to my stomach, creeping lower and lower until you are raising my skirt. 'Time for your punishment, Ms. Granger.' You say as your long fingers slip into my knickers seeking out my wetness.”

 

“You're wet for me.” He growled, his words neither statement nor question, his hand moving fast across his cock.

 

“So wet. Your fingers are stroking my clit and your lips are pressed against my neck. I can feel that you're hard. Hard for me, wanting me. 'I am tired of your back talk and cheek Ms. Granger.' You say. 'Shall I make you scrub cauldrons for your punishment or perhaps I should just fuck you instead. Speak up Ms. Granger. Would you like me to fuck you?' 'Please Sir.' I gasp and you grab me, spinning me around and lifting me onto the table. Your black eyes stare down at me as you rip my knickers off, exposing me to you. My insides burn as you straighten up and drop your robes to the floor. I watch as you slowly unbutton your frock coat one tiny button at a time. You drop it to the floor and stand before me in just your white shirt sleeves. I almost come as you slowly reach for your belt, teasing, tormenting me. Then you are there, your cock plunging into me, fucking me, making me scream.”

 

“You like my cock fucking you, don't you.” His voice sounding strained as his hand flew across his cock in a blur.

 

“I love your cock fucking me.” Hermione whispered, watching his face and his hand with fascination.

 

“Fuck.” He grunted, turning to look at her wildly. “Lie down, on your back. Now.” He half rose, bracing one knee on the edge of the sofa as she wiggled into a prone position. “Mmmmmm yes, just like that.” He mumbled, hovering above her as he resumed his frantic stroking, his cock aimed at her chest. “I'm going to come and I'm going to do it all over your pretty little tits. Oh fuck.” He roared louder then he ever had before as hot come splashed across her breasts and her stomach. To Hermione he'd never looked more beautiful then he did at the moment, his face contorted with pleasure as he cried out in ecstasy and relief.

 

His arms trembled as he slowly lowered himself next to her on the sofa. Breathing heavily he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her across his lap and cuddling her to his chest. “That was............” He trailed off, no words could describe what he felt at the moment.

 

“So I take it my potion helped.” She giggled softly. “You're feel better.”

 

“Obviously.” He muttered slowly. “I shall never doubt your potion making ability again.” He sighed and kissed her tenderly on the side of her head, squeezing her tightly. “I'm very glad I was never aware of your sexual proclivities whilst I was your Professor.”

 

“Why's that?” She asked, brushing his hair away from his eyes.

 

“I don't think I could have controlled myself. I might have done something very foolish and very reckless that might have endangered us both.” He gazed down at her, his face peaceful and relaxed, his fingers trailing down her thigh to rub gently between her legs. She spread her legs, opening herself wide for him.

 

“So what about you?” She gasped softly as he slowly pressed a long finger into her wet core. “Do you have any fantasies you like to act out?”

 

“Mmmmm.” He chuckled, thrusting his finger into her as his thumb gently caressed her sensitive clit. “I just did.”

 


	27. Chapter 27

“Dr. Granger? Are you listening to me?”

 

Yanked from her fantasy of a naked and sweaty Severus Snape, Hermione glanced up to stare at the middle aged Witch seated before her. “I'm sorry Mrs. McKelvy.” She mumbled, glancing down at her watch. “It seems our time is almost up for today. Why don't we continue this at our next session?” She breathed out a sigh relief as the woman gathered her robe and her bag and exited the room.

 

'I have to quit doing that.' She chastised herself. 'Daydreaming like a lovesick school girl. You'd think I'd never been involved with a man before. 'Probably because you haven't.' The voice inside her said wickedly. 'At least not a man like this. Oh the things he can do with his......' A light tapping on her door interrupted her thoughts.

 

“Come in.” She called out looking up as her assistant poked his head inside the door.

 

“Harry Potter messaged earlier. He wants to know if you're free for lunch this afternoon?”

 

“Message him back and tell him I'll meet him in his office round noon.”

 

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

 

“It seems like ages since we've had a proper chat.” Hermione smiled happily as they spread out sandwiches and bags of crisps on the round meeting table in Harry's office.

 

“I know it's always so busy.”

 

“How's Ginny?” She asked, taking a sip of Pumpkin Juice.

 

“Wonderful. I've finally convinced her to move into Grimmauld Place with me.” Harry smiled happily.

 

“Without marriage? I'm sure Molly had something to say about that.”

 

“Of course she did. But as Ginny pointed out George and Luna are living together so......”

 

“So what's good for the gander is good for the goose?”

 

“Something like that. So what's new with you? I heard you're no longer treating Snape. What happened there?”

 

“Well.........” Hermione stared down at her lunch, cursing the blush that now colored her face. “I've been meaning to talk to you. I've got a bit of news......”

 

“Oh Merlin. You haven't.” Harry exclaimed, dropping his sandwich onto his napkin. His eyes widened as his old friend grinned sheepishly up at him. “You have. You are. You're shagging Severus Snape.” He shook his head in disbelief.” Well go on then. Spill it. How did this happen?”

 

“How does it ever happen Harry? Two people spend time together, realize they fancy one another, and then one thing leads to the other......”

 

“And you had sex with Snape.” He shook his head in disbelief. “ Well is it everything you hoped it would be? I just can't picture it. Snape being sexual. He's so cold......” He shuddered dramatically. “So Snape. Does he even bother to take off his robes and frock coat or does he stay all buttoned up and just pull his cock out?”

 

“Harry!” She laughed. “He actually has quite a magnificent body, all lean and muscled. Very fit.” She sighed dreamily. “He's wonderful really, affectionate, attentive, passionate and that old saying about large noses............”

 

“Ugh stop. I don't want to know.” He groaned.

 

“Well you asked.”

 

“I suppose I did.” He frowned. “Is he good to you? What about the drinking.”

 

“We're...................working on it. He's trying. Well he's never been in a real relationship before has he?”

 

“I guess not. Are you happy at least? You look happy.”

 

“I don't think I've ever been happier.”

 

“Snape.” Harry said, shaking his head. “I just can't imagine what you see in him.”

 

“Only that he's smart, funny, witty, brilliant, affectionate and a simply amazing lover. Harry, the things that man can do with his........”

 

“Oiy stop.” Harry groaned, waving his hand in the air. “This is still Snape we're talking about.” He shook his head again. “The greasy git of the dungeons is affectionate and funny. Though I suppose there was a reason my Mum was friends with him for all those years. Did you tell him it was you who saved him?”

 

“Mmm hmmm.” She nodded, taking a bite of her sandwich.

 

“What'd he say?”

 

“He was shocked, and a bit relieved. It seems he'd been having some very vivid dreams about me. I think on some unconscious level he'd seen me and knew I'd been there. He said he thought he was losing his mind. I think he was grateful to know it had all really happened.”

 

“You and Snape.”

 

“Me and Snape.” She grinned happily.

 

“Well I suppose we should have you both round to Grimmauld Place for dinner. Or are you planning on keeping this a secret from everyone?”

 

“No.” She shook her head thoughtfully. “We're just not sure how to tell everyone. George and Luna already know, of course. But I imagine it's going to come as a bit of a shock to some. A dinner party might just be the perfect way to let everyone know, something casual and small.”

 

“So how is he managing without magic? What does he do with his time? I know I'd go absolutely mental.” Harry shuddered slightly at the thought.

 

“It is driving him mental.” Hermione sighed. “He's used to being busy, productive. Currently he is refurbishing his parent's old home at Spinner's End.”

 

“On his own? Without magic?” Harry leaned back in his seat. “That's a lot of work. I remember when the Dursley's used me as their own private handyman. Painting, sawing, hammering. That can be back breaking labor. How does he even know what he's doing?”

 

“He goes to the library and researches it. He's become quite proficient at using the internet. He's even talking about getting his own computer. Oh and he's been attending some classes at the local DIY shop. Can you just picture it? Snape as someone's student?”

 

“No I can't.” The dark haired young man laughed. “What else. He can't be working all the time. But then again it's Snape, maybe he can.”

 

“He spends a lot of time with the old woman next door, Mrs. Harvey. She's known him since he was a baby. Oh.” She exclaimed loudly, reaching down to rummage through her handbag. “Look what she gave me.”

 

Harry took the offered muggle photograph. “Is this Snape?” He stared in disbelief at the black haired baby wearing only a nappy and a serious expression standing next to a patch of flowers. “Doesn't he ever smile?”

 

“Oh Harry. He smiles all the time for me.” Hermione said, taking the picture back and gazing fondly at it. “As bad as you had it at the Dursley's, I think Snape had it even worse with his parents.” She signed sadly. “Some of the stories Mrs. Harvey has told me makes my skin crawl. He helps her around the house and has tea with her most afternoons. He says he hates it, but I know it secretly loves it and she just worships him. She's teaching him to drive.”

 

“Snape? Driving?” Harry frowned. “She doesn't find it a bit odd that a forty something grown man doesn't already know how to drive? What did he tell her?”

 

“The truth.” She burst out laughing at the shocked look on Harry's face. “Not that truth. He told her that since he'd spent the vast majority of his adult life either living or teaching at an exclusive boarding school in Scotland he'd never seen any reason to learn to drive or get a license, but now that he's decided to take up residence in London, it would be handy to know how to drive a car.

 

“Oh.” Harry nodded, gathering up their trash and walking over to the rubbish bin. “I'm really happy for you 'Mione. I really am. I hope everything works out for you both. I'll have Ginny phone you with a date for dinner.”

 

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~~

“Dr. Granger.”

 

“Blackboard paint.” Snape's voice barked from the other end of the phone

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

“It's a paint that put on your wall that turns it into a chalkboard so you can write on it.”

 

“Well yes, I know what it is, Severus.” She laughed. “What I don't know is why you are barking it at me over the phone without a “Hello” or a greeting or anything.”

 

“Oh bother.” She heard him mumbled into the phone. “Hello my beautiful Hermione and how is your day?” He said with sarcastic cheerfulness. “I was just at the DIY shop and discovered this thing called Blackboard paint and I was wondering what you thought about using it on the large wall in the kitchen. You know how we both like to scribble down thoughts the moment they pop into our heads What do you think?”

 

“I think it's a splendid idea. Are you still planning on using the sage color we picked out?”

 

“Yes, that and the gray for the sitting room. I think it will go best with the darker gray furniture we picked out. What time should I be at your flat tonight?”

 

“Round 7?

 

“I'll be there. Are we still having pot roast?”

 

“Of course. As requested.”

 

~~~~****~~~~~****~~~~~****

 

“Harry and I had lunch this afternoon.” She said as they sat in her tiny dining room.

 

The dark man seated next to her snorted noncommitally and forked another piece of pot roast into his mouth. He had been quiet and sullen since arriving at her flat. Ignoring his mood, she pressed on. “I told him about us and he's really happy.” She watched as he took a piece of bread and slowly spread butter on it. “Did you hear me Severus?”

 

“Yes Hermione, I heard you.” He dropped the knife down with a loud clank. “The Boy Wonder is happy. Shall I call the Daily Prophet?”

 

“No.” She frowned. “I just thought you might be a bit relieved that maybe our friends will take the news better then we originally anticipated.”

 

“Whose friends?” He raised an eyebrow.

 

“Fine, my friends.” She sighed and took a small bite of meat. “Anyway, Ginny's going to be calling me and we thought we might plan a small dinner party at Grimmauld Place. Just something casual.” She paused, waiting for him to say something. He continued to eat his meal in silence. “So...” she pressed on. “would that be something you'd be willing to go to?”

 

“If you want me to.” He grunted, shoveling in another bite of potatoes.

 

“Oh. Well wonderful. You know that might be an opportunity for you to speak to Harry. We never got very far into the AA principles before your sessions ended. But one of the 12 steps is to ask forgiveness to the people you have wronged. I'm quite sure you carry some guilt.........” She jumped when he slammed his hand down on the table, sending a glass tumbler careening off the edge to shatter on the floor.

 

“For fuck's sake Hermione.” He roared, his face angry. “I said I would go. Must you go on and on and on about it? Does every conversation have to turn into a counseling session with you? Can't I just eat my bloody meal in peace?”


	28. Chapter 28

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose as a tense silence settled over the dining room. The rage he had felt just a few moments ago had been quickly replaced by guilt at the sound of breaking glass on her dining room floor. He stared down at the table as she stood and slowly began to clear the table, carrying plates and half full serving dishes into the kitchen. He didn't know how to put into words the feelings he'd been having all day. The itch he couldn't scratch, a hunger he couldn't satisfy, a thirst that couldn't be quenched. He didn't know how to tell her how his skin crawled, making him feel jumpy and irritable. That no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't distract himself, he couldn't think or focus his attention on anything. In the past he would have broken down and had a drink, anything to take the edge off, but he didn't want to let her down, to disappoint her. He wanted to prove to her that he could do this, he didn't have to drink. He snorted softly, running his hand across his face. He hadn't even wanted to masturbate; he'd started to, but stopped, feeling as though he was taking something from her, sitting in his parlor in the middle of the afternoon stroking his cock. Sighing he stared down at the broken glass and spilled Pumpkin juice seeping into her rug.

 

Hermione stood at the kitchen sink carefully washing the dinner dishes. She could have taken care of them with one wave of her wand, but she had always enjoyed doing things the muggle way, and it gave her a chance to calm her emotions. Better still, it gave him a chance to cool down as well. She would have washed the dishes by hand no matter what. Because he was there. She'd found herself refraining from using magic whenever he was around. There was no point in rubbing it in his face that she could do magic while he couldn't and she didn't want him to feel any worse then he already did.

 

She blinked her eyes rapidly, cursing the prickle of tears that burned her eyes. He'd snapped at her, so what? It was certainly not the first time that had ever happened and she was sure it wouldn't be the last. Severus Snape lashed out when he was feeling overwhelmed by his emotions and she knew that. She doubted that would ever change. If she planned on loving him and being a part of his life, it was something she would have to accept. She knew he wasn't really angry, if he were he would have already left, storming out the door in a fit of rage. But he was still there, sitting quietly in the dining room, struggling with whatever it was he was feeling.

 

So why did she feel so hurt? Why was she taking this so personally? 'Because I want him to just be happy. I'm happy, so he should just be happy too. Oh bloody hell.' She chastised herself. 'I'm as bad as any simpering enabler I've ever treated. Thinking I should just be able to 'fix' him with my love. How pathetic. The man has problems, real problems that aren't going to just disappear overnight. We shouldn't even be involved in a relationship.' She pushed that thought away as quickly as it entered her mind. 'We can work this out, together. I know we can. I won't give him up. I can't.'

 

She paused, listening as he stepped wordlessly into the kitchen. She heard him open the pantry door, remove something and step silently from the room again. In the other room, she could hear him carefully sweeping up the broken glass. A wry smile curled her lips. There was really no way to properly clean the broken glass and stain without magic; but his attempt to clean up the mess was his way of trying to set things right again, to let her know he was sorry for his outburst.

 

She was rinsing the dishes when he deposited the broken glass into the bin and returned the broom and dustpan to the pantry. She listened as he carried the bin out the back door and returned, placing it back in it's corner before leaving the room again. Drying her hands, she stopped at the medicine cabinet to retrieve a bottle of headache potion. She was surprised to find the dining room and parlor empty and quiet. Taking a moment to wave her wand over the rug, she vanished the stain and any remaining glass particles before making her way down the hall to her bedroom.

 

He was lying across her bed, one arm flung over his eyes, the other resting on his stomach.

 

“Are the cravings particularly bad today?” She asked softly.

 

He moved his hand to massage his forehead and nodded his head slowly, his face looking worn and tired.

 

“Here.” He glanced up as she stepped forward and held the potion bottle out to him. Flicking off the lid, he sniffed it and drank it down without argument.

 

“Thank you.” He whispered, his voice barely audible. “I cleaned up the glass as best I could, but you'll probably want to.......”

 

“Already sorted out.” She said, taking his offered hand and letting him pull her down next to him on the bed.

 

“I really am sorry, Hermione.” He said, his lips pressed against her hair. “I don't mean to lash out like that, it's just......”

 

“Shhhh. You're having a bad day. It happens.”

 

“Yeah.” His response a breathy, almost sob. He squeezed her tightly, hugging her to him. She laid her head on his chest and rubbed his stomach with her hand.

 

“Feeling better?”

 

“I am now.” He sighed. “All day, I haven't been able to concentrate or focus. My mind it's all over the place. It makes me feel......”

 

“Did you try masturbating? You said that helped before.”

 

“I tried, but I couldn't.” He snorted out a wry laugh.

 

“Couldn't? What do you mean you couldn't?” She lifted herself up to stare at him.

 

“It just didn't seem right. I wanted to be with you. Make love to you.” He pressed his hand to her cheek and chuckled at the confused look on her face. “I knew I was seeing you tonight. What if I spent the afternoon wanking and then we wanted to.......and I couldn't.........?”

 

“Has that ever happened to you before?”

 

“Well.....no. But I am 43 Hermione. I'm not as young as I used to be.”

 

“Oh pish posh Severus.” She sighed, laying her head back down on his chest. “And so what if we couldn't make love tonight. Do you think I only want you for your cock?” She waited for him to say something. Raising her head again she glared at him. “You do think that. Severus Snape I like you for far more then just your cock. I can assure you of that.”

 

“I can't imagine why.”

 

“Oh you.” She said, slapping him lightly on the stomach.

 

He chuckled low in his throat, the vibration tickling her ear. He sighed and she could feel the relaxation wash over him.

 

“Tell me a fantasy, Severus.” She whispered against his stomach, her fingers drawing patterns across his white shirt.

 

“What kind of a fantasy?”

 

“One about us of course. Something from Hogwarts, you know, dashing Professor takes naughty schoolgirl.”

 

“What makes you think I fantasized about you while you were my student? What do you take me for, some sort of a pervert?”

 

She raised her head slowly and narrowed her eyes at him in disbelief. “You mean to tell me you never, ever, ever had any sexual thoughts about me while I was in school? No fantasies about me whatsoever?”

 

“Mmmmm.” His lips curled up in a teasing grin. “Alright, perhaps I did. After your 6th year when you developed this luscious bum and these gorgeous tits.” He ran his hand across the mentioned body parts.

 

“Tell me one.”

 

“Okay.” He sighed. “I'm sitting at my desk and you are standing before me, held back once again for your inability to keep that lovely mouth of yours shut and disrupting my class.”

 

“Oh you.” She teased, pinching his side. “Wait. I just had an idea.” He watched as she sat up and reached for her wand on the bedside table. “Close your eyes.” She whispered an incantation he didn't recognize and he could feel the familiar flow of magic surround his body. “Okay. Open your eyes.”

 

He blinked and swiveled his head, looking around himself. He was seated behind his desk in his classroom at Hogwarts. Reaching out, he ran his hand across his desk, it was solid, but it didn't feel like normal wood grain. Glancing down at himself, he could see he was dressed in his black teaching robes, but again, the material was lighter, flimsier then his actual garments. He closed his eyes and could feel his body still lying in a prone position on Hermione's bed, but when he opened them he could feel himself seated upright in his chair.

 

“It's just an illusion.” She laughed at the shocked look on his face. He looked up and his cock twitched at the sight of her standing in front of his desk. Her hair was still short, but she was dressed in her Hogwarts school uniform right down to the knee socks. “I'll explain later. Don't try to analyze it too closely. Just accept what your mind, eyes and body are telling you. We are at Hogwarts and you are seated behind your desk in the dungeons. “Okay, let's start.” She bowed her head demurely and folded her hands. “You wanted to see me Professor Snape?” She asked innocently.

 

An almost sinister smirk curled up the corners of his lips, before he schooled his features into his “Professor face”. Pulling a piece of parchment towards him on the desk, he carefully inked a quill and wrote across it in his tiny, spidery handwriting. He could see her shifting anxiously from one foot to the other as he kept her waiting. Looking up, he snarled at her in his rich baritone. “Once again Mrs. Granger you have spoken out of turn and disrupted my class. As I have said before, I will say again, do you take pride in being an insufferable know it all? Has it escaped your attention that there are other students in this class room who might like to learn? Who might require my attention besides yourself?” He looked up at her and slowly slid the parchment to the edge of the desk.

 

“I'm sorry Professor Snape.” She whispered, reaching out to take the paper. Her eyes widened and a smile lifted her lips as she read what he had written.

 

“Something amusing?” He barked.

 

“No. Sir.” She gasped, shaking her head and staring back down at her feet.

 

“I have taken away house points, issued detentions, assigned every punishment within my arsenal. Is there no way to stop your incessant chattering and insolent back chat?”

 

“Perhaps if you put your cock in my mouth, Sir.” She whispered, lifting her eyes to glance nervously up at him, before gazing back down at her feet.

 

“What did you say Mrs. Granger?” He growled, glaring at her even as his erection threatened to burst from his trousers.

 

“If you let me suck your cock, Professor Snape, I wouldn't be able to talk.”

 

“No you wouldn't.” He hissed, slowly pushing himself back in his chair and swiveling the seat sideways. She remained standing before his desk, wringing her hands nervously in front of her. “Well get on with it silly girl, I haven't got all day.” He barked, leaning back in seat and spreading his legs wide. He had to struggle not to moan as she hurried around his desk and dropped to her knees before him. Reaching down, he quickly unfastened the bottom few buttons of his frock coat, pulling it open to reveal his straining trouser front to her.

 

Black eyes watched as she reached out with trembling hands and slowly slid his belt free of the buckle. His cock twitched in eager anticipation as she slowly unhooked his trousers and pulled the zipper down. His heart pounded in his chest and he had to bite down hard on his lip to keep quiet, when her warm hand reached inside his pants and gently pulled his straining member free of it's fabric restraints. Gazing up at him from beneath her lashes, she slowly leaned forward and ran her tongue along the length of his shaft. A muffled “Ompff” escaped him as she took him into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the velvety head.

 

Her tiny hands gripped his thighs as she worked her way up and down his cock, licking, teasing and sucking. His eyes rolled back in his head and his mouth fell open with a groan as she bobbed her head, taking him deeper and deeper into her throat.

 

“Bloody hell, Ms. Granger.” He croaked, pressing his hand gently to the side of her head. “Keep that up and I just might give you back all the points you've cost your house this semester. Uhhhh fuck.” He hissed, as she ran her tongue up the underside of his cock, teasing and circling the tip with her tongue before taking him back into her hot, wet mouth. Her amber brown eyes met his as she wrapped her hand around his spit slick cock and stroked, drawing him closer and closer to completion.

 

“Your mouth Ms. Granger, not your hand.” He growled, his hands clutching the arms of his chair in a death grip as he struggled to keep his hips still. “You're meant to be sucking my cock, not giving me a hand job and I fully intend to come inside your insolent little mouth.”

 

“Yes Professor Snape.” She murmured, her lips pressed against the head of his cock, making his toes curl and his balls ache. He groaned low in his throat and his hips lifted off the seat as she slowly lowered her mouth down onto his cock and pulled back, licking and sucking. A strange sensation came over him when he closed his eyes; he could feel himself lying on her bed, could feel her kneeling beside him, but when he opened his eyes, he was seated in his chair with her kneeling between his legs, her mouth working wonders on his aching cock. A flash of deep admiration washed over him. She was truly a talented witch to perform such complex magic. The sharp pleasure of her glorious mouth sucking the head of his cock drew him quickly back to the immediate situation. He was going to come, soon and hard.

 

Still fighting the urge to thrust up with his hips; this was Hermione Granger, not some paid whore, he rested his hands gently on the sides of her head and watched with wonder as she moved her mouth up and down his cock, her tongue licking and circling in the most marvelous way. His breathing grew labored and his balls drew up hard against his body as the tension inside his body erupted, shooting out the end of his cock in thick jets. “Uhhhhhhhhh.” He hissed through gritted teeth as she sucked and swallowed, drinking him down with every jerk of his cock.

 

Panting he fell back on her bed, staring up at her ceiling, his fingers twisted in her short hair. “That was..........” He gasped as she climbed up his body and rested her head on his chest.

 

“Did you like it?”

 

“'Like' doesn't even describe it. What spell was that?”

 

She giggled musically. “I learned it at a psychology symposium. It's used to put the patient in a surrounding that may frighten them, but in a safe and controlled manner. It appears it works well for sex games too.”

 

“So it would seem.” He groaned, still basking in the glow of his orgasm. “Next time it's your turn, you get to pick the fantasy.”

 

“That only seems fair.” She laughed, kissing him tenderly on the lips.


	29. Chapter 29

"So what shall I wear?" He asked as he stepped naked from the bathroom, his freshly washed hair lying damp across his shoulders. Even though he had only moments before been buried deep inside of her, thrusting and grunting as they made love, she couldn't help the silly grin that covered her face at this causally naked Severus Snape. Her eager eyes drank in the broad shoulders, narrow waist, spattering of black hair across his pale skin; his cock, flaccid, but still large, hung heavy between his legs.

"Why are you gaping at me like that?" He narrowed his eyes at her as he ran a comb through his wet hair.

"You're naked."

"I'm usually naked when I exit the shower. That does not explain why you are grinning at me like a loon."

"It's just odd to see you strutting about naked like this. I keep expecting to see your robes billowing behind you. It's a bloody good thing none of your female students had any idea you were this fit and this..." She stared pointedly at his cock "impressive beneath your robes. There might have been a few more damp knickers then there already were in your classroom."

"I wasn't aware I was 'strutting' and what are you going on about anyway?" He growled, flinging open his wardrobe doors and staring at it's spartan contents. "I can assure you I caused no wet knickers amongst the female population in my classroom."

"And I can assure you, you did." She laughed. "Probably a few stiffened willy's too. You were just too busy and distracted being a snarky double agent spy to notice."

"You're daft."

"I'm not daft. You really don't realize the effect that richer then chocolate velvet voice of yours had upon the youths of Hogwarts do you? Face it Severus, you are prime wanking material."

"I only care about the effect it has on you." He mumbled, his cheeks pink. "Now are you going to help me with what to wear or not?"

"Help?" She laughed. "What's to help with? Do you have anything other then black trousers and white shirts?"

"Hmmmm. I have this black shirt." He said, reaching in to pull out a black button down identical to all his white button downs.

"Really Severus?" She rolled her eyes. "That's pathetic. Why don't you have more clothes?"

"No reason to. I spent my entire adult life at Hogwarts. There was no reason to wear anything other then my teaching robes."

"You don't have a jumper or a pair of jeans?"

He ran his index finger across his lips in what she now recognized as his 'deep in thought' look. Silently he left the room and stepped across the hallway. She could hear several loud bangs and a muffled curse before he returned, a pair of faded blue jeans in his hand. "Here." He said, thrusting them towards her.

She took the faded, worn Levis and held them up. "Merlin's Pants Severus, how old are these anyway?"

"Probably older then you are." He said, pulling a pair of black boxers up over his hips.

"Do they even fit you?"

"Dunno. Hand them over and let's see." She struggled not to laugh as he pulled the jeans up over his legs. They were several inches too short and he was unable to button them across his stomach. "Hmmm, seems I've grown a bit since I was in my teens."

"Just a bit." She giggled. "Well hang on, don't take them off just yet." He looked down as she measured the gap across his stomach with her hands, then dropped to her knees to do the same with the hems. "Okay. Take them off." She snatched them out of his hand.

"Where are you going?" He called after her.

"Back in a flash." She yelled over her shoulder as she skipped down the stairs.

~~~~~*****~~~~~******~~~~~******l

"You're going to get caught doing that, you know." He growled, snatching the now magically enlarged jeans from her hand.

"No I'm not." She panted, having run across the street to the empty lot and back again. "I'm careful." She answered his raised eyebrow as he pulled the jeans back on and buttoned them.

"Famous last words." He chuckled darkly. "Remind me you said that when you're in Azkaban."

"Will they let us share a cell, you reckon? Now come on, give us a spin."

"How do they look?" He held his arms straight out to his sides and turned in a small circle. "Now what's that look for? Do I look ridiculous?"

"Bloody hell no, Severus. You look fucking amazing. Nice package." She stared pointedly at his crotch.

"Hmmmm." He grunted, stepping in front of the mirror and looking at his reflection. The jeans did fit quite a bit tighter then his normal trousers and as result showcased the fact that he was "gifted" between the legs. "Perhaps I should change?"

"Over my dead body." She said, pulling out the black button down from his wardrobe. "You look amazing."

"Hmm." He grunted, pulling on the shirt. "Why don't we just stay home and I'll let you play with my package?" He leered suggestively at her.

"Nice try. But you'll let me play with it anyway." She took a step back and appraised him. "Leave it untucked and cuff your sleeves." She pointed towards his wrists.

"Then it will show."

"It? What it? What are you going on about?"

"It." He held up his left arm.

"Oh no one cares about that anymore, Severus." She said, waving her hand dismissively, turning to check her own reflection in the mirror. "Really." She sighed at his skeptical look. "Everyone knows you have it. We see Draco's all the time. Oh for fuck's sake." She stepped over and grabbed his arm, folding his shirtsleeve up over his forearm. "There, much better." She said when both sleeves were cuffed.

"You are so bossy." He growled, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull on his black boots. "Why do I put up with you?"

"Because you love me." She teased, kissing his cheek. "Well at least you claim you do anyway. Are you ready?"

"No." He sighed, shaking his head.

"Good. Well come on then." She smiled, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the stairs. "There's a place down the street where we can disapparate.

~~~~~*****~~~~~******~~~~~******

"Hermione! And...and...and Professor Snape." Ginny stuttered and her eyes widened at the robeless, casually dressed man standing on the front porch. "Won't you both come in? We're all gathered in the kitchen." She hugged Hermione quickly and then turned to lead them down the hall.

"Who all's here." Hermione asked, linking her arm with Severus and smiling up at him. 'It will be fine.' She mouthed silently. He frowned and crossed his eyes at her, drawing a soft giggle from her.

"Harry, George and Luna, Ron, the usual bunch."

"Lovely." Snape groaned, low in his throat, earning him a quick poke in the side.

'Behave.' Hermione mouthed up at him.

"Look who's here." Ginny called cheerfully, ushering them into the kitchen. "It's Hermione and...and...Professor Snape."

A chorus of "Hullo's" and "Wotcha's" echoed in the crowded room.

"It's really not 'Professor' Snape anymore, is it?" Luna's singsong voice chimed out as a hush fell over the room. "Mr. Snape seems so formal. What shall we call you then?"

"Why not Severus? It is his name after all." Hermione said, wrapping her arm around his and squeezing his bicep gently.

"Or simply Snape will do if it makes you feel more comfortable." He smirked at the panicked looks on Harry and Ron's faces. "Potter, Weasley." He held out his hand.

"You're looking well, Sir." Harry mumbled, shaking his hand quickly. Ron ignored his old professor's outstretched hand, shoving his own deep into his pockets and staring down at his trainers.

"Well." Ginny said loudly and with false cheerfullness. "I think dinner's almost ready. If everyone would like to take a seat. Hermione? Why don't you and Prof...Severus sit here." She indicated two seats across from George and Luna.

"How are you holding up?" Hermione whispered as they pulled back their chairs. He sneered at her and lowered himself wordlessly into the seat.

"Wine you two?"

"Harry." She hissed as he approached them, wine bottle open and ready to pour.

"Oh bloody hell." Harry grumbled, as Severus reached forward and covered his wine glass with his hand.

None for me, thank you." He said, his eyes latched eagerly on the bottle.

"Or me." Hermione placed a warm hand on his thigh.

"This is the teetotaler section of the table." George said, smiling as he placed a large bottle on the table. "Severus, would you like some?" He pulled the cork with a loud pop. "It's a sparkling white grape juice. It's muggle, but it's quite good. A far better substitute then Pumpkin Juice I say. Drink too much of that shite and it'll turn your hair orange."

Luna snickered and held her glass out for George to fill.

"Yes thank you." Snape muttered, pushing his glass forward.

"I'll have some as well." Hermione said, holding her glass up.

"You can drink if you want to." Snape growled softly.

"I know I can." She said, taking a small sip off her glass. "But I don't want to. Mmmm. This is really good George. You'll have to tell me where you got it."

The room grew quiet save for the clink of silverware on china as everyone filled their plates. Hermione took a small bite of chicken as Ginny, Ron and Harry began discussing a recent Quidditch match.

"So what's your preferred poison, Severus?" George said, smiling across the table. "Mine was muggle ale mixed with a little dreamless sleep. Drink enough of those and you can forget your own name."

Hermione's eyes widened and she glanced nervously at Snape's face. She was surprised to see a wry smile lift his lips. "Whiskey. Muggle or Wizard. Flavored with a touch of calming drought. At least until the Ministry bastards cleared out all my potions. After that I'd just wash my whiskey down with another bottle of whiskey."

"How macho. I can't stomach whiskey." George laughed, shaking his head. "But that's probably because Fred and I once got our hands on a couple of bottles when we were about twelve. We drank them both and spent the rest of time puking our guts out. Now I can't even stand the smell of it."

"That's how I feel about muggle ale. It was my father's drink of choice and I can remember how the whole house would reek of it."

"Your father was muggle?"

Hermione watched in wonder when Severus nodded and took a sip of the sparkling grape juice. "And a drunk as well." Leaning back in her seat, she nibbled on her dinner while Severus and George traded "drunk" stories back and forth across the table.

"You mean showing up on my doorstep to profess your undying love for me wasn't the stupidest thing you ever did when you were pissed." She teased as the two man tried to top each other with their stories.

"No. That may have been the smartest thing I ever did." He frowned. "The stupidest thing was pulling my cock out and taking a piss in front of a foyer full of students."

"I heard about that." George laughed loudly. "I think you win."

~~~~~*****~~~~~******~~~~~******

"You shouldn't feel bad." Luna said softly, taking a freshly washed dish from Hermione and drying it carefully.

"What are you talking about Luna." Hermione asked, scrubbing at the plate in her hands. "I'm not upset."

"Is that why you're trying to wash the pattern off that plate." Ginny said, pulling it from Hermione's hands and taking her place at the sink.

"It took you ages to get him to open up to you, to tell you how he was feeling and here he is sharing with George like their old mates." Luna stared at her with her piercing blue eyes. "And that upsets you. I know it bothered me."

"I'm not upset." Hermione said again, her voice clearly saying otherwise. "It's just..." Her voice trailed off helplessly.

"They're addicts, Hermione. They understand each other."

"Are you saying I don't understand?" Hermione snapped, her voice tight. "Well those were certainly wasted years I spent at Uni then." She sat down hard at the table, glaring down at her hands. Luna joined her and gently placed her hands on top of Hermione's.

"You understand clinically, medically, but you are not an addict. It's different."

"Oh buggar." Hermione sighed heavily, her shoulders slumping. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Why I'm acting like this. I know about the connection addicts share with one another. It's the whole reason AA is such a successful program. So why am I feeling so put out? I should be happy. This is a good thing. I'm being such a..." She held her hands up helplessly.

"Girlfriend?" Ginny supplied over her shoulder earning a laugh from Luna.

"Oh Merlin." She moaned, burying her face in her hands. "That's it. I'm acting like a girlfriend. I know better then this. I counsel partners of alcoholics about exactly this. I'm a failure."

"You're not a failure." Luna said, hugging her friend around the neck. "You're just human. It's one thing to tell someone what they should do, it's another to put it into practice for yourself."

"You should have been the counselor, Luna." Hermione said, hugging the blonde girl back. "Well I suppose we should get out to the parlor and see what the men have gotten up to. I don't want to leave Severus unattended with Harry and Ron for too long, if you know what I mean."


	30. Chapter 30

Ron and George where engaged in a brutal game of Wizards chess when they entered the parlor. “Where are Severus and Harry?” Hermione asked, glancing nervously around the room.

 

“Library.” Ron said, sending a Knight across the chessboard to annihilate one of George's pieces. “Snape wanted to talk to him. Alone. Dunno why. He's probably trying to give him detention or something. Greasy git.”

 

“Ron!” Ginny exclaimed, reaching out and smacking him on the back of the head.

 

“Ow.” Ron rubbed his head. “Watcha do that for?” He followed his sister's gaze to where Hermione stood. “Oh. Sorry 'Mione.” He mumbled, focusing his attention back on the chess board.

 

“Bloody wanker.” Ginny mumbled, lowering herself onto the sofa. “Do you know why Prof.....Severus wanted to talk to Harry?”

 

“I have an idea.” Hermione shrugged. “Something we had discussed during one of our sessions.” She glanced up as the library doors opened and the two men exited. Her eyes met Severus' over Harry's head, he looked exhausted. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Are you ready to go?” She whispered, kissing him tenderly on the cheek. He nodded his head and hugged her tightly to him. “Alright. Let me just say goodbye.” Turning around, she addressed the room. “Bye everyone. Thank you all for a lovely evening, but I have an early meeting. Ginny,” she hugged her red headed friend. “Thank you for the dinner. It was amazing”

 

The other occupants in the room slowly rose to shake hands and hug Hermione as they walked with them towards the door. Ron grabbed Harry's arm and spoke to him in a hushed whisper. They were just at the door, when Ron called out loudly.

 

“Oiy Snape.” Severus stopped and slowly turned towards the young man. “Aren't you forgetting something?” He asked, his tone belligerent.

 

“Not that I'm aware of Mr. Weasley.” The dark man sneered.

 

“You apologized to Harry for how you treated him in school. Well you were a right git to me too. Where's my apology? ” Ron demanded petulantly. Hermione's breath caught in her throat at the black look that settled on her lover's face.

 

“I wasn't aware I owed you an apology, Mr. Weasley.” Snape said coldly, taking a step towards him. “Are you under the impression that I treated you any different then I did all the other lazy, stupid, insolent children who stepped into my classroom?” Ron's face grew pale and he took a step back as the former potions professor advanced upon him, his voice low and sinister. “You were an idiot when you walked into my classroom and you were still an idiot when you walked out. You made no attempt whatsoever to learn or apply yourself to the material I presented and as such, I treated you accordingly. I acknowledge that due to my pre existing prejudices towards his father and my lingering affection for Lily, I may have treated Mr. Potter unfairly for reasons that he did not deserve. I have apologized for this and the matter is finished. But if you or anyone else thinks for one second that I plan on apologizing to every whinging student who feels they were ill treated by me because of my teaching methods, you are sorely mistaken.” A loud bang resonated through the foyer as Snape slammed the door behind him.

 

“Ron.” Ginny hissed, while George and Luna glared at him.

 

“I'd better go after him.” Hermione muttered, hugging Luna quickly and then scurrying out the door. “Severus!” She yelled as she rushed down the steps and out the gate. She could see him up ahead, taking long strides, his head down and his black hair whipping behind him. “Wait.” She called out, running to catch up to him. “Are you going to walk all the way back to Spinner's End?” She panted, rubbing her side and trying to catch her breath.

 

“Well that was just brilliant, Hermione.” Severus snapped, his voice angry and sarcastic. “It wasn't a bit awkward or uncomfortable.”

 

“What?” She grabbed his arm, forcing him to face her. “Ron's a git. Ignore him. Everyone else does. You and George seemed to hit it off quite well and you got a chance to speak with Harry. The evening wasn't a total loss.”

 

“Will you just find somewhere so we can disapparate? I want to go home.” He growled, yanking his arm from her grasp.

 

“Fine. You don't have to be so surly.” She sighed, glancing around. “Over here.” They moved together to a deserted side street.

 

When they arrived at Spinner's End, Hermione trailed silently after him into the house and up the stairs. The quiet grew as they moved about his bedroom and bath, each undressing and performing their personal nighttime rituals. He was already in bed when Hermione pulled back the covers and climbed in beside him.

 

“Are you alright?” She asked softly, turning to face him.

 

“Mmm hmm.” He grunted, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“For?” He grunted, turning his head to stare at her, his eyebrow raised.

 

“Going. I know it wasn't easy for you.”

 

“The food was good at the very least. I think Ms. Weasley may turn out to be as extraordinary a cook as her mother. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“No reason, that was just a really nice thing for you to say.”

 

“I have my moments.” He shrugged.

 

“George runs a Wizarding AA group. Did he happen to mention that to you?”

 

“Not tonight, Hermione.” He sighed heavily. “Can we just not discuss it tonight.” He lay on his back staring up at the ceiling, the silence grew heavy in the darkened room.

 

“Do you at least feel better after having spoken to Har......”

 

“For fucks sake, Hermione.” He roared, turning away from her and bunching the pillow under his head. “I said not tonight.” He squeezed his eyes tightly closed as he listened to her roll away from him and the soft sound of muffled crying filled the room.

 

“Oh Merlin's beard.” He muttered, rolling onto his back and reaching out to her. “Come here. Don't do that.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her across his chest.

 

“You're not the only one this evening was stressful for.” She sniffed, running her fingers across his chest. “It was hard for me too.”

 

“I know.” He breathed against her hair, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

 

“I'm only trying to help.” Her fingers played mindlessly with the hair across his chest.

 

“I know that too.” He sighed. “Perhaps I am beyond help. Maybe there's no hope for me. Ow.” He yelped when she pinched his nipple hard. “That hurt.”

 

“I know. Don't say that again. Don't ever say that. There's always hope.”

 

“You're such a Gryffindor.” He teased, his hand rubbing across her back and shoulders.

 

“And you're such a Slytherin.” She breathed out a heavy sigh. “I just wish you would open up to me more.”

 

“I know you do.” He kissed the top of her head again. “I am trying. There are just things.....” His voice trailed off.

 

“Things you won't tell me.”

 

“Things I can't tell you. Things I never want you to know. Now what are you doing.” He groaned as her fingers trailed through his pubic hair to wrap around his balls.

 

“You said you didn't want to talk about it and now neither do I.” She pressed her lips to his chest, her hand sliding up his now thickening erection. “But I'm still feeling a bit stressed. I thought maybe we could come up with something to do to relieve some anxiety.”

 

“Mmmmm, I do love you Hermione Granger.” He groaned as her hand rubbed over the sensitive head of his cock. Gripping her arms gently, he guided her up until her face was level with his, burying his fingers into her short hair, he pressed his lips to hers and kissed her, his tongue twisting and teasing. Sliding his large hands down her back, he gripped both orbs of her arse cheeks and squeezed. “Will you get on your hands and knees for me?” He growled against her lips.

 

“My hands and knees? Why?” Her eyes grew wide with surprise.

 

“So I can fuck you from behind. Why else?” He chuckled, pulling back to stare at her in amusement. “Are you quite sure you had lovers before me?”

 

“Well I wasn't a virgin.” She frowned, climbing to her knees. “But it seems they weren't very imaginative.”

 

“Obviously.” He wrapped his large hands around her waist as he positioned himself behind her. “But all the better for me. I do so enjoy being the one to introduce you to all the varying delights sex has to offer.” She moaned low in her throat as he reached between her legs and lightly stroked her. “And judging from how wet you are, you seem to be enjoying it as well.” He chuckled low in his throat as his index finger lightly stroked the sensitive bundle of nerves between her legs. “Let's see how you like this.” He grunted, grasping his cock and using it to replace his finger against her clit. He smiled as she moaned and shuddered.

 

“Of fuck Severus. That feels good.” She moaned, arching her back and widening her legs as he rubbed the velvety tip of his cock against her aching clit.

 

“Yes it does.” He growled, sliding himself through her wetness before coming back to rub tantalizingly against her clit. “Shall I make you come like this?”

 

“Oh shit.” She panted, slapping her palm against the bed. “I......uhhhh......Severus.......fuck.”

 

“Was that meant to be an answer?” He laughed, moving himself gently.

 

“I want to come, you bastard.” She gasped, rocking back against his teasing cock. “I don't really care how. Now stop teasing me. Ahhhhh bloody hell, you feel good. Oh fuck. She whined as he slowly slid himself into the tight heat of her pussy. He chuckled darkly and wrapped his large hands around her waist, his hips moving rhythmically while she whimpered and moaned before him.

 

Sweat began to form across his brow as he fucked her, slowing his thrusts each time he felt his own urge to come rise up. It felt so good, moving inside her, her wonderful moist heat engulfing his aching length, he wanted it to last, wanted to hold off his own release for as long as possible. She had grabbed one of his pillows and bunched it up in her arms, resting her own sweaty face on it, her arse lifted high in the air. His heart pounded in his chest as he ran his hands up and down the broad expanse of her back as she moaned and whimpered with pleasure. “Harder Severus.” She cried out suddenly, urgently. “Harder. I'm so close.”

 

“Are you sure? Harder?” He growled, pulling back and thrusting brutally forward, his balls making a resounding 'smack' as they slapped against her flesh.

 

“Ohhhhh yessssss.” She cried out loudly, raising her head and pushing back against him. “Harder and faster. Feels. So. Good.” She grunted with each forceful, bone jarring thrust of his hips. “Oh fucking, bloody hell Severus.” She wailed loudly as the tension inside her swelled and exploded, curling her toes and clouding her vision. His fingers were digging painfully into her hips and she listened as he grunted with each powerful thrust of his hips. Sparks of residual pleasure fluttered through her as he moved himself faster and faster inside her. Suddenly he froze and she could feel his cock pulsating inside of her as he came, a low guttural groan escaping his lips.

 

“Uhhhhh.” He moaned softly, collapsing heavily on the bed beside her.

 

“I like it from behind.” She panted, smiling up at him.

 

“I gathered as much.” He sighed, running his fingers through her short hair.

 

“Who was your first? Who did you lose your virginity too?”


	31. Chapter 31

“Uhhh Hermione!” Snape groaned, covering his face with his hands. “This is exactly the type of thing I don't want you to know.”

 

“Why? It's an innocent enough question.”

 

“Not for me.” He grumbled, his words muffled by his hands.

 

“I don't see why not. You know mine.” Reaching up she took his wrists and pulled his hands away from his face. “No matter what you tell me, it won't change my feelings about you. Surely you realize that?”

 

“I don't know that.” He said, his voice sad. “And it's not a chance I'm willing to take. Besides, I don't actually know yours. I can only hazard a guess.”

 

“What do you mean you don't know mine?”

 

“Well it's either that Bulgarian gorilla or the duller half of the Wonder Twins.”

 

“It wasn't Viktor.” She laughed, shaking her head. “I was too young. We did stuff, but we never went all the way.”

 

“Stuff?” He raised an eyebrow.

 

“You know. Kissing, touching, I'll show you mine, if you show me yours. Stuff.”

 

“So that would mean the ginger twit was your first?”

 

“Unfortunately.” She sighed, earning a loud bark of laughter from the man next to her.

 

“So I take it his love making skills weren't memorable?” He teased.

 

“It didn't last long enough to be memorable.” She frowned.

 

“Mmmm poor Hermione.” Severus mock pouted, reaching over to rub her arm tenderly.

 

“So now you know mine. Now it's your turn.”

 

“Ahhhhhhh Hermione.” He growled. “No.”

 

“Come on.” She pleaded. “How bad can it be?” He looked at her, an eyebrow cocked high on his forehead. “Is it at least someone I know?”

 

“You knew her.” He said, enunciating each word slowly.

 

“She's dead?”

 

“Mmmm hmmm.” He nodded his head.

 

“How did she die?”

 

“If memory serves....” he sighed heavily, “Molly Weasley killed her.” He lifted his dark eyes to stare pointedly at her.

 

“It's not........?” Her hand moved to her arm, unconsciously rubbing the faded scar, Mudblood. “No.” She gasped, her eyes wide with unrestrained horror.

 

“And now you see why I didn't want to tell you.” He whispered, avoiding gaze.

 

“But Severus, she was.....................”

 

“Crazy?”

 

“I was going to say married. But that too......” She snorted humorlessly. “But yeah, she was insane. How did this even come about?”

 

“She wasn't always insane. An almost 15 year sentence in Azkaban will do that to you, or so I'm told.” He glanced quickly at Hermione, then away again. “At the time, she was just a bit wild, eccentric........” he faltered, searching for the right word to describe Bellatrix Black Lestrange, glancing back at Hermione's disbelieving face, he smirked wryly. “All right fine, she was always crazy.”

 

“And married.”

 

“In name and status only. I don't believe there was ever any real affection between Bella and her husband. Her first and only true love was always the Dark Lord.”

 

“So why.....how.....?” Hermione stuttered, her disgust still written on her face.

 

“Hmmm.” He rubbed his finger across his lips. “I'm not sure. I was 19. It was the night I received my Dark Mark. I was drunk and feeling a bit full of myself. One thing led to the other and we............fucked.” He stared off into space for a long moment, his eyes lost in thought.

 

“What Severus?” She prodded gently.

 

“I've always wondered if the Dark Lord didn't put her up to it.”

 

“Why would you think that?”

 

“Well why else would she ? She was 9 years my senior. Quite striking to look at.” He frowned. “I was 19, gangly and not particularly attractive. Bella had never given me a second glance before. My virginity was legendary at that point. Quite the joke amongst the Slytherin's. And I guess I was a bit of a romantic fool, saving myself for my one true love and all that rubbish. Well my one true love had married another and I was 19 and horny, so when Bella approached me, I didn't even hesitate or think twice about it.” He shook his head sadly. “Now aren't you sorry you asked?” He looked at her, his eyes wary.

 

“No.” She shook her head seriously. “Your answer was surprising and not what I expected. Though I'm not sure why......but it doesn't change anything between us.” She moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “The past is the past Severus. I care about our future.”

 

“Mmm.” He grunted, his expression unconvinced.

 

“Oh you.” She sighed, snuggling closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her. “Severus?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Why would Lord Voldemort care whether or not you were a virgin?”

 

“A sexually inexperienced Death Eater would be of little use to the Dark Lord.” He sighed sleepily. “Also it was a way for him to exercise his power and influence over me.”

 

“But why.....”

 

“Enough Hermione.” He sighed wearily. “That's enough sharing for one evening. Forays into the past make my head ache. Mmmmmmm.” He groaned low in his throat. “Not that head, darling. But please, don't stop.”

 

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

 

“Let me see it again.” Hermione begged, holding out her hands to him.

 

“Again?” He sighed dramatically. “You've already looked at it 10 times.”

 

“I don't care. I'm just so proud of you.” She smiled up at him and bounced excitedly in her seat.

 

He pulled out his wallet and carefully extracted the small plastic card. “It's a driving license Hermione, not an Order of Merlin.” He struggled to keep the pleased smile from turning up the corners of his lips as he handed it to her.

 

“Don't you have one of those too?” She quipped, taking the card reverently from his hand. “We have to do something to celebrate.”

 

“I thought that's what we were doing.” He lifted an eyebrow as he gazed around the elegant muggle restaurant.

 

“Something more.” She smiled mischievously. “What time does Mrs. Harvy want her car back?”

 

“She said, and I quote 'Take your girl out for a night on the town and if you don't make it home until tomorrow noon, I'll just know you showed her a very good time.' Why?”

 

“Well isn't she a bawdy old thing.” Hermione giggled. “Because I thought we might try out another fantasy and we have to be at my house for that.”

 

“Mmm.” He grunted, wiping his mouth with the linen napkin. “Now who's being bawdy?”

 

“Me. And you love it.”

 

“I do love it.” He leered across the table. “And it's your turn for a fantasy.”

 

“Oh that's right, it is.” She frowned, before a wicked grin curled up her lips. “That's okay, you'll have fun as well.”

 

“I've no doubt that I will.” He smiled at her gently. “Have I mention yet this evening how positively mouth watering you look? I love that color on you.”

 

“I thought you might.” She said, glancing down at her emerald green cocktail dress. “And you're looking incredibly handsome as well.”

 

“Oh this old thing?” He laughed, a teasing glint in his eye. “I only wear it when I don't care how I look.”

 

“Oh you.” She reached over and ran a hand across the sleeve of his new charcoal gray blazer, a lighter gray shirt peeked out from underneath. “It's nice. I'm glad you bought some new clothes.”

 

“But............?” He quirked an eyebrow at her.

 

“Some color would have been nice.”

 

“Charcoal gray's not a color?”

 

“No.” She laughed. “It's not. But it's something other then black, or white, or your teaching robes so I'm happy.”

 

“Good, I'm glad you're happy. Now did you want pudding?”

 

She shook her head, a teasing smile on her face. “I think I'm ready to head home now.”

 

“So what's your fantasy?”

 

“It's a surprise.” She said, gathering her wrap and her beaded handbag. “You'll just have to wait and see.”


	32. Chapter 32

“Now just sit here and don't move.” She had ordered him when they returned to her tiny house. “Don't come in until I call you. I need to set up a few things first.” His instructions were to then 'enter silently and ravage her.' His cock twitched as he tried to imagine what scenario she was arranging for them.

 

Dinner had been pleasant enough, although it had been hard not to order a drink. But that was more due to habit, wasn't it? He smirked, amused as he remembered how she had carefully maneuvered him so he was facing away from the bar when they were seated at the table. 'Did she really think he didn't notice?' No matter. It had made it easier, not having to stare at those tempting bottles of spirits all through the meal. He was grateful too that there had been no mention of his mandatory counseling, though he could tell she was worried. He knew he needed to do something and soon, but it was just easier not to think about it, to just enjoy being with her and not worry about his “problem”. And it really wasn't a problem anymore, was it? He wasn't drinking. He hadn't had a drink since he and Hermione had been together, almost two months now. The cravings had even gotten better, a little anyway. Though if he was being honest, it was only when he was with her and she kept him distracted from all the dark thoughts. When he was alone, the thoughts returned, along with the cravings.

 

He was almost done with his home remodeling project and he wondered what he would do to keep himself busy and distracted when it was finished. He wished he could brew. If he could do that he could lose himself for hours; stirring, changing, inventing, perfecting. But he wouldn't be allowed to brew again until he attended the mandated counseling sessions. It was a fucking never ending cycle of Ministry Bureaucracy that he could see no way out of, no way except......

 

“Fuck.” He muttered softly. How could he confide in anyone the horrors he had experienced? The atrocities that came with being a Death Eater? There was no one. No one he would burden with the horrible images he carried in his head, the screams that woke him from his sleep, sweating and shaking. It had been nice talking with George though. Someone who understood this overpowering need to drink until you couldn't think or feel anymore. He shook his head ruefully. George fucking Weasley. The two red headed trouble makers had both exasperated and amazed him with their creative brilliance during their school career. A tinge of guilt twisted his stomach when he remembered the ugly red scar peeking out through George's long hair. A scar he had caused.........

 

“Severus, I'm ready.” Her voice called from the other room, pulling him from his ruminations. Rising slowly, he pushed all other thoughts out of his mind, leaving only the beautiful, vivacious Witch waiting for him in the next room.

 

Pushing open the kitchen door, he felt the familiar tingle of magic swell around him. Glancing down, he saw that his clothes had once again been transformed into a reasonable facsimile of his black frock coat. Looking around, he grinned as he stepped into the dim interior of his Potions storeroom. She had obviously transfigured some of her living room furniture to accommodate the scene. Leaning back against his work table, he folded his arms across his chest and watched her as she carefully balanced on a ladder, organizing his Potion ingredients with careful precision. She was dressed again in her Hogwarts uniform and his cock hardened pleasantly when she reached up, her skirt rising to reveal the back of one creamy white thigh.

 

Mindful of her edict to remain “silent”, he gestured with his finger for her to continue when she paused to peer nervously over her shoulder at him.

 

'Let her wait, I'm enjoying the view.' He thought, as he reached down to rub the erection now straining against his trousers. A smirk curled up the corner of his lips when he heard the clink of two bottles hitting together. Her hands were shaking, either from nervousness or anticipation, or maybe a bit of both.

 

He was fully erect and throbbing pleasantly when he pushed himself off the table and approached her in two long strides. She jumped when he wrapped his left hand around her bare thigh, just below the hem of her skirt. Pressing himself against her, he reached over her shoulder, carefully switching two bottles she had sorted incorrectly. “Be mindful of your task Ms. Granger.” He breathed into her ear, his lips so close they tickled her flesh.

 

“Yes Sir.” She whispered, her voice a breathy squeak.

 

With his hand still gripping her thigh, he moved behind her and watched as she continued to sort and organize rows. Her hands paused briefly when he moved his thumb ever so slightly, caressing her soft skin. He stopped and waited for her to resume her task, before gently squeezing her leg and moving his thumb in a small circle.

 

Hermione's heart thudded in her chest and she struggled to keep her hands moving, sorting and arranging. His hand felt hot on her skin as he gently held her thigh, his thumb moving maddeningly slow across her flesh. Though the only part of his body touching her was his hand, she could feel how close he was standing behind her, if she shifted even a little, she would be flush against him. Heat flamed in her center as he tenderly, almost reverently stroked her thigh with his long fingers. His hot breath blew across the back of her neck as the fingers of his right hand settled on her other leg; touching, stroking, exploring. Her eyes fluttered closed and she bit back moan as his long index finger reached up and lightly touched the cotton center of her barely there thong knickers.

 

“Are you feeling faint Ms. Granger.” He growled softly into her hair, his hot breath blowing across her cheek.

 

“Uhhhh No Sir.” She opened her eyes and saw that she was gripping the edge of the shelf so tightly her knuckles were white.

 

“Then keep sorting.” The clipped, authoritative sibilance of his words, betrayed the feeling of his gently caressing hands, his right now reaching up to cup the curve of her arse.

 

With both her hands and her knees trembling she continued to sort and arrange, biting back a moan as his hands roamed over the bare skin of her behind, his long fingers slipping between her legs to brush against the now wet fabric of her thong. Cool air tingled her skin as he lifted her skirt and carefully tucked the hem into her waistband. She gasped audibly and gripped the shelf to steady herself when she felt his hot breath on her naked bum.

 

“Mmmmm.” She whimpered softly, her hands now gripping the ladder for dear life as his lips, tongue and teeth roamed over her flesh; licking, nipping, teasing. She gasped and almost tumbled off the ladder, when he grabbed the string of her thong in his teeth and tugged it off one hip, his other hand helping him to drag them down her thighs and off her legs. Holding her steady, he lifted one foot and negotiated it through the leg hole, leaving the other side to dangle off her shoe. Nudging her legs apart, he let his long fingers glide through her wetness, teasing and exploring her clit.

 

No longer even attempting to touch the forgotten potion ingredients, Hermione clung to the ladder and moaned softly as he rubbed the sensitive bundle of nerves between her legs, his busy tongue licking and laving across her bum. She gasped loudly when he ran his tongue along between the cheeks and up the crack of her arse. Her legs begin to tremble and quake as he pushed her closer and closer towards the edge.

 

“Have you finished your sorting, Ms. Granger.” He growled in her ear, his finger now pressed inside her, thrusting in and out. Wrapping a long arm around her, he held her steady against him while reaching up underneath her skirt to rub at her clit. Not waiting for or expecting an answer, he trailed his lips down her neck to gently lick and bite the sensitive area between her shoulder and neck. She bucked violently against him, crying out incoherently when she came, a flood of wetness coating the palm of his hand. He pulled his hands out from underneath her skirt and gently guided her to turn around, holding her until her bum was firmly planted on a rung and her hands gripped the edge. She was still panting, her legs spread erotically when he backed away to lean against the work table.

 

Hermione gripped the ladder and struggled to control her breathing. His face remained impassive as his black eyes ranged over her. She was sure she looked a wanton mess, her face flushed and her legs spread at an ungainly angle. After what seemed like an eternity, but in reality could only have been a few moments, he stepped towards her and raised his left arm, presenting the tiny row of buttons to her. She frowned and glanced at her hands gripping the ladder, her thoughts written on her face as clearly as if she had spoken them. 'Well how am I supposed to do this, if I let go of the ladder I'll fall.' With a sigh and his patented 'sneer', he reached out and gripped her by the waist, holding her steady in his firm grasp. Her hands trembled as she reached up and fumbled with each tiny button. One by one, she pushed each tiny black button through it's corresponding hole. She gazed up at him with an almost triumphant look when she reached the last one, only to have her face fall again when he held up his other arm and another long row of tiny buttons. His face remained impassive as she slowly worked her way down the row, until the last one was unfastened. Making sure she was once again secure on the narrow ladder rung, he stepped back from her. Her eyes followed as he reached up and slowly untied the cravat at his neck. Long fingers began to work their way down his frock coat, slowly unfastening each button. When he was done, he shrugged out of his coat and laid it carefully across the work table.

 

Her heart pounded loudly as he reached up and slowly began to work the buttons of his crisp white shirt, pulling the tails loose from his black trousers. Leaving his shirt hanging open, he stepped purposefully forward and grabbed her wrists, pressing them up against the sides of the ladder. A tiny squeak of shock escaped her as his lips descended to her's in a passionate, but surprisingly tender kiss. Leaving her to grip the ladder, his hands roamed over her torso, while his lips continued to devour her. Before she knew it, he'd unbuttoned her white blouse and tugged down her cotton bra, his lips and tongue exploring and teasing her breasts and nipples. They were both breathing heavily, when he took a small step back and pushed her school skirt up to her hips, before reaching down to slowly unfasten his trousers.

 

He looked up, cock in hand, when she gasped his name. “Professor Snape?” He raised an eyebrow and nodded his head for her to continue. “I....I...I've never done this before.” She stuttered in a soft whisper.

 

“Then I will try my best to be gentle.” He growled, positioning himself at her wet opening and thrusting forward with his hips. His eyes flew open when he felt his cock pierce through the thin barrier of flesh and the flood of wet heat that followed. Nausea filled him and his erection wilted as he pulled back in shock and horror.

 

“Severus?” She asked, concerned at the look of revulsion on his face. “Severus? What's wrong? You didn't hurt me. It's only a Weasley product.” She called after his back as he bolted from the room.


	33. Chapter 33

Horrified screams filled his head as he leaned retching and choking over the toilet.

" _Please don't hurt me. Please, oh God, I'll do anything you want, just please don't hurt me. Oh Gooooood! Noooooo!"_

He became vaguely aware of firm hands touching his back, helping to ease him to the floor, his back pressed against the wall. From a distance he could hear a voice ordering him to drink and the taste of a potion filled his mouth. Swallowing reflexively, he felt the familiar feeling as the calming drought hit his stomach, bringing him back to the present. The desperate screaming faded, but the memory remained behind, making his chest ache and his stomach clench with nausea. Covering his face with his hands, he struggled to hold back the sobs that wracked his body. Gentle fingers touched his wrists, pulling his hands away from his face and a soft voice whispered in his ear. "Shhhh. Shhhh. I've got you. I'm so sorry." He buried his face against her neck and cried; hot tears streaming down his cheeks, his shoulders shaking with each gasping sob. He could feel her hands, stroking his hair and his back, and he wanted to tell her to 'Stop. Go away. Don't look at me like this.' But he couldn't. Instead he clung to her, unable to stop weeping.

She had found him in her bathroom, his already pale face white as he dry heaved over the toilet. She'd been confused, at first, when he had bolted from the room, leaving her gripping the ladder, but then realization dawned on her and she cursed herself for her naivete and her short sightedness. Grabbing a bottle of calming drought, she hurried to his side and dropped to her knees beside him. Rubbing his back, she gently pulled him away from the toilet and eased him into a sitting position. His eyes were wide and frightened as he leaned back against the bathroom wall, but he allowed her to pour the potion into his mouth. Her heart broke as tears welled up in his eyes and he covered his face, loud sobs shaking his whole body. Pulling his hands from his face, she wrapped her arms around him and held him to her as he cried.

Her knees throbbed painfully on the cold tile floor, but still he wept, clinging to her as if his life depended on it. Whispering softly into his hair, she did her best to comfort him and ease his torment. Her feet had gone completely numb when he took a hitching breath and relaxed heavily against her. She continued to stroke his hair and rub his back, until he released his hold against her and sagged back against the wall, swiping a hand across his wet face.

"Do you think you can stand?" She whispered, moving her legs and wiggling her feet, wincing as they prickled painfully. He nodded and pushed himself slowly to his feet, moving to lean heavily on the sink. Ignoring the 'asleep' feeling in her own limbs, Hermione rose and reached around him, turning on the cold water and handing him a flannel. She rubbed small circles on his back as he washed his face and reached out a shaky hand for his toothbrush. She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a dreamless sleep potion while he brushed his teeth.

"Come on." She said, taking his hand and leading him down the hall to her bedroom. He undressed silently and pulled back the covers on her bed. He accepted the vial of dreamless sleep from her and swallowed it down in one drink, setting the empty bottle on her nightstand before pulling the covers up over his chest. His eyelids were already growing heavy when she joined him in the bed, resting her head on his chest.

"I am so sorry Severus." She whispered into his chest. "I didn't mean..."

"I know." He said, hugging her tightly to him, his voice sounding sluggish. His breathing deepened and grew heavy as he drifted off to sleep.

Light streamed through Hermione's sheer bedroom curtains when Severus opened his eyes the next morning. She was still asleep, curled into a ball next to him, her bum pressed warmly against his side. He stretched his arms over his head, marveling at how well rested he felt. There had been no nightmares to pull him from his sleep. He frowned. When had the last time been that he'd sleep all the way through the night, nightmare free? Two months? Since he and Hermione had started seeing each other. Since he'd stopped drinking. The memory of the last evening's events came crashing down on him. The horrible feeling when his cock pierced the thin barrier of flesh and was surrounded with the hot wetness of blood. Virgin blood. He shivered and ran his hand down his face. He had lost it. Lost it and cried in front of her. And not just a few tears; huge, gut wrenching sobs, clinging to her like a baby still in his nappy. So bad she had given him a dreamless sleep potion. Waves of humiliation flooded through him. He had to leave, get away. Glancing down at the sleeping Witch next him he tossed back the duvet and moved to rise.

"Where are you going?" She mumbled sleepily. "You're not trying to sneak out are you?" She turned her sleep tossed head to gaze up at him.

"No." He whispered, clearing his throat. "Just going to the loo."

"Hurry back." She muttered, letting her head fall back onto the pillow.

He nodded his head and padded across the floor to the bathroom. When he had finished using the toilet, he stood silently at the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror. 'I shouldn't be here.' He thought, shaking his head ruefully. 'I shouldn't be here with her, not after the horrible things I've done. It's not right. Not right at all.'

"Severus?" Her voice called out from the other room, breaking into his thoughts, making his heart ache with longing for her. "Are you all right?" She asked as he stepped from the bathroom. He paused in the doorway and let his eyes drink in the sight of her sitting there naked in bed, the sheet bunched around her waist, her hair sticking up on one side, her naked breasts beckoning to him.

"Mmm hmm." He grunted, nodding his head.

"Then come back to bed."

Sighing, he closed the distance and lowered himself into still warm bed. She threw her arm across his chest and pressed her face against his neck. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, her lips brushing against his flesh. "I only thought...I was just...I just thought we both had such bad first time experiences and I was visiting with George and Luna and he had the Virgin Again thing and I thought maybe it would be fun and exciting...I didn't think. I wanted to surprise you. I never meant to upset you."

"I know." He muttered, running his fingertips along her spine. "It's not your fault. It's me. It's all me." He released a heavy sigh. "You shouldn't be with me. You deserve better." He felt her whole body tense as she slowly raised her head to stare up at him, her eyes were wide and filled with fear.

"So is that it then?" She asked, her voice tight. "Are you dumping me?"

"What? No." His said, his eyebrows raising high on his forehead. "What I'm saying is you should dump me. I'm no good for you. I'm too damaged, too broken to be any good for anyone. You deserve so much better then me. You deserve someone whole, someone without so many secrets."

"They are only secrets because you won't tell me."

"I can't tell you." He groaned.

"Won't." She glared down at him. "You are only as sick as your secrets. Really Severus, don't you trust me?"

"I can't." He growled, his eyes flashing with sudden anger. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"But Severus..."

"No." He roared, twisting his body away from her and sitting up on the edge of the bed. "I said I don't want to talk about it. Stop pressuring me." He stood and grabbed for this clothing on her bedroom floor.

"Severus." Her voice soft and pleading called out to him, he froze, his back still to her. "I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about anything, just please don't go."

The panic in her chest eased as he dropped his clothes back to the floor and turned back towards the bed. Lifting up the covers, she watched as he slowly lowered himself onto the bed and turned towards her, his expression wary. Wiggling towards him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face to his warm chest. Relief coursed through her when he hugged her back, his fingertips running up the bare skin of her back. "I am sorry." She said, looking up into his eyes. "Will you ever want to make love to me again."

"Of course I will." He whispered, pressing a tender lips to her up turned lips. "Just...no more surprises. Please."

"No more surprises." She agreed, pressing her lips firmly to his. "I promise."

 


	34. Chapter 34

“Why are you letting him do that to you?” Luna asked after Hermione had finished recounting the tale of the previous evenings fiasco. Luna, Hermione and Ginny were all gathered in Luna and George's comfortable parlor, a bottle of white wine on the table before them. George was out, attending his AA meeting at the Joke shop.

“Do what?”

“Manipulate you like that.”

“What are you talking about.” Hermione asked, taking a sip off her glass. “I upset him. I was so stupid, I didn't even think that he might have......that he might have been made to......while he was with Voldemort.” She couldn't bring herself to use the word “rape”.

“No.” Luna shook her head. “When you tried to get him to open up, to talk to you about it. He was only threatening to leave to shut you up, to make you stop asking him difficult questions. Surely you realize that? George used to do that to me all the time.”

Hermione eyes grew wide as she mentally replayed the exchange in her head. “Oh Merlin.” She moaned, burying her face in her hands, her shoulders slumping. “You're right. Why didn't I see that? I am the worst counselor ever. The Ministry should fire me.”

“No you're not.” Luna chuckled, wrapping her arms around her friend and hugging her tightly. “You're just emotionally invested. Everything is different when your emotions are involved.”

“No kidding.” Hermione snorted. “I was just so upset that I'd inadvertently triggered such bad emotions, that when he threatened to leave, I just crumpled. I'm pathetic.”

“You're not pathetic. You love him. It's hard to see clearly when you're in love. Anyway, how are you supposed to know what will upset or trigger him if he won't open up to you. It's not your fault.” Luna squeezed her tightly and kissed her cheek. “So other then that, how are things? Is he drinking? Any relapses?”

“Noooo.” Hermione said slowly. “He says he hasn't. And I believe him.....his hands don't shake and he seems to be over the stomach upset he experiences when he first stops drinking.” She paused, thinking. “But he's so touchy and irritable all the time.”

“How can you tell? It's Snape. He's always touchy and irritable.” Ginny snorted.

“Oh Ginny. He's not like he was in school.” She giggled as her friend rolled her eyes “Alright, he'll always be a bit snarky, but this is different then his usual snarkiness. And he has nightmares. Bad ones.” She said softly. “I don't think he realizes I know, but he cries out in his sleep.”

“Has he done anything more about finding another counselor?” Luna asked, pouring herself another glass of wine.

“No.” Hermione sighed sadly. “And he needs to do something. I think I've held off the ministry as long as I can. But he gets so angry when I try to talk to him about it, I've stopped bringing it up. Yes. More manipulation. I can see that now.” She sighed when Luna rolled her eyes at her.

“He needs to do something or it's only a matter of time before he has a relapse.”

“I know.” Hermione frowned sadly.

“Or goes to Azkaban.” Ginny added softly.

“I thought he might ask about the AA meetings when he met with George the other day, but he didn't.”

“Wait, what?” Hermione exclaimed sitting up straighter. “I didn't know he'd met with George. When?”

“Last week for lunch. He didn't tell you?” Luna paused while Hermione shook her head. “Maybe I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I told George about the lubrication we'd found in his house and he called Snape to talk about possibly marketing it as a Weasley product.”

“No.” Hermione sighed sadly. “He didn't mention it to me.”

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

“So when were you going to tell me about your meeting with George?” Hermione asked, rolling over and staring up at the dark man undressing next to the bed. He paused with his jumper half over his head, obscuring the look on his face, before removing it completely and tossing on the chair next to the wardrobe.

“How did you hear about that?” He asked flatly, unfastening his jeans and pushing then off his hips.

“Luna.” She shrugged. “Why? Was it meant to be a secret?”

He pulled back the covers and climbed into bed, staring silently up at the ceiling, his face unreadable.

“Severus?” She asked again when he didn't answer. “Why didn't you tell me? Is it another one of your deep dark secrets?”

“No.” He sighed heavily. “I was going to tell you, I just wanted to wait and see how things went first.”

And? How did they go?”

“Quite well actually. George is very interested in patenting and marketing my formula and we also discussed the possibility of me working in Research and Development as a consultant.”

“Can you do that without your magic and without your Potions license?”

“I won't be able to work on anything hands on, but the knowledge is still up here.” He tapped the side of his head with an index finger. “At the very least it will give me something to do with my time, now that the house is almost finished.” Rolling over onto his side, he placed his hand on top of her stomach and rubbed gently.

“Well that sound wonderful. I'm happy for you.” She said, her voice tapering off to a groan as his hand inched lower.

“But?” He moved his hand to lightly stroke the soft hair covering her mound.

“But....and I know you don't like to talk about this, so please don't get angry with me, but you have to do something about your treatment. I received quite a terse memo from the Ministry and they want to know what you are doing about continuing your counseling.” 

“Hmmmmm.” He sighed heavily, his fingers moving even lower to slip through her wet folds, his index gently circling her swollen clit. “How about I make a deal with you?”

“Mmmmm.” She moaned, her back arching against his hand. “What deal?”

“We don't talk about it for the rest of the evening and I'll agree to make an appointment to meet with the Ministry next week.”

“Ahhhh, uhhhh.” She groaned as he slowly pressed his long index finger into her tight channel. “Why do I feel like you're just trying to distract and placate me?”

“Well I am trying to distract you.” He agreed, lowering his head and licking her nipple tenderly. “But I give you my word, I will make an appointment with the Ministry next week. I promise.”

“Mmmmm. Okay.” She moaned, wrapping her hand around his neck and pulling his lips down to hers. “I believe you. And I promise, no more talking. Oh Merlin.” She cried out as he positioned his body over hers and slowly eased himself inside of her. “Severus?”

“I thought we agreed no more talking?” He growled, thrusting in and out of her wet heat.

“We did. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.”

“Well in that case. I love you too.” He whispered, pressing his lips to tenderly to hers. “Now be quiet and let me fuck you.”

“Gladly.” She cried out as he thrust harder and deeper inside her.


	35. Chapter 35

 

“Bloody fuckwits......stupid, interfering Ministry bastards.....couldn't find their arses with both hands and a Point Me charm.”

 

Hermione held her mobile away from her ear as a litany of profanity issued out loudly.

 

“So I take it your meeting with the Ministry didn't go well?” She asked softly when he paused to take a breath.

 

“That's putting it mildly.” He growled, clearly annoyed.

 

Hermione sighed and ran her hand over the stack of index cards she had been reviewing. “Well..........I'll just cancel my lecture at the University tonight.”

 

“Why in Merlin's name would you do that?” He barked.

 

“Well.......you're upset and.......I'll just cancel and I can come over and spend the evening with you.”

 

“Don't be ridiculous Hermione.” He breathed heavily. “You agreed to give that lecture ages ago. You can't cancel.”

 

“But I don't know what time I'll be finished. It could be very late. Shall I can come over when I'm done.”

 

“No. Don't do that. Since you can't apparate directly to my house, I don't want you roaming the streets alone that late at night. I'll be fine.”

 

“Are you sure? Would you like to come over and wait for me at my house?”

 

“I don't need you to Mother Hen me Hermione.” He snapped, his voice irritated. She heard him take a deep breath and when he spoke again his voice was calmer. “I'll be fine. I'm going to go pick up the lumber for the parlor book shelves. I think I'll start building them tonight. Perhaps pounding some nails will put me in a better frame of mind.”

 

“Fine. If you're sure.” She murmured, her concern still evident in her voice.

 

“I'm sure. Good luck with your lecture.”

 

~~~~****~~~~~****~~~~~****~~~~~

 

“ _Oh God. Leave me alone. Go away. Please don't hurt me!!!!!”_

 

“ _A gift for you Severus. A muggle virgin for your amusement. You deserve a reward and I...I need a demonstration of your loyalty.”_

 

“ _Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Noooooooooo!! Please don't hurt me.””_

 

“ _Avada Kedavra”_

 

He woke with a gasp. The sound of horrified screams still echoing in his ears. His heart pounded painfully and his skin slick with sweat.

 

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~

 

_Knock, knock, knock._

 

Hermione sat up in bed, reaching for her wand. The sound of loud knocking reverberated in her still apartment.

 

_Knock, knock, knock._

 

Tiptoeing cautiously to the door, she peered outside. “Severus.” She cried, pulling the door open. “What are you doing here?” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously at the careful way he stepped past her into the parlor.

 

“How was your lecture?” He asked. She could hear the slight slurring in his words.

 

“It went well.” She said coolly. “What are you doing here?” She let out a startled squeak when he grabbed her arm and pulled her to him, kissing her roughly. “Severus stop.” She cried out, pushing hard against his chest. “You've been drinking. I can taste it.” She stepped back and stared up at him. “Severus?”

 

He stared down at her, his face weary. “I'm not drunk.” He sighed, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a half empty bottle of whiskey. “I started to and then I stopped and came here instead. Here.” He gestured at her with the bottle. “Take it.”

 

She took the bottle from his grasp and set it on the side table. “Why Severus? You were doing so well. Was it because of the meeting with the Ministry?”

 

He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingertips.

 

“Then why Severus?”

 

“I just....” He stop speaking, his expression going cold. “I can see I shouldn't have come here.” He sneered. “Please forgive my intrusion. I'll just be going now.” He turned away from her towards the door.

 

Hermione's heart skipped a beat and a sick feeling filled her stomach as thoughts raced through her mind. _“Stop him. If he leaves he'll just go drink more. But it's not my responsibility to keep him from drinking. But he came here for help. Clearly something has upset him and you're just going to send him away? How cruel can you be? But, I..........”_ “Severus wait!” She called out loudly as his hand reached for the doorknob. “Please don't go. Stay. We can talk about it.”

 

“I don't want to talk about anything, Hermione.” He said, turning back to face her. He looked exhausted, deep lines etching the skin of his face.

 

“What do you want to do then?”

 

“I just want to go to sleep.” He sighed. “I just want to hold you and feel you next to me and sleep.”

 

Silently she reached out and grasped his hand, leading him down the short hallway to her bedroom. Neither of them spoke as they undressed and climbed into her bed. Snape groaned low in his throat as he reached out and pulled her close to him, wrapping his long arms around her, her back pressed firmly against his chest. He buried his face into her hair and inhaled deeply. She lay quietly, staring out into the dark, very aware of the tension that still gripped his body.

 

“I had a nightmare.” He whispered, his voice barely audible even in the silence of her bedroom. He trembled and squeezed her almost painfully tight.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

He shook his head. “No.” His voice cracked with emotion.

 

“Is that why you drank?”

 

“I just wanted it to go away. I wish.......” His voice broke and he took a shuddering breath before he continued. “I just wish I could be oblivated, so I wouldn't have to remember.”

 

Spinning around in his arms, Hermione pressed her hand to his face and wiped away the tears that were streaming down his cheek. “You know that doesn't work.” She whispered hoarsely. “You can erase the memories, but you can't erase the emotions that go with them.”

 

“I know.” He sighed heavily.

 

“You can talk to me, Severus.”

 

“No.” He shook his head violently.

 

“Nothing you tell me will change the way I feel about you. Don't you know that?”

 

“I don't know that.” His voice sounded grave. “And it's not a chance I'm willing to take.” As he spoke his fingers slid slowly up her stomach. His eyes met hers as his fingers gently tugged and pulled at her nipple, teasing it to a hardened peak. “I know you're upset with me......”  
  
“I'm not upset.”

 

“Disappointed then.” He pressed closer to her and she could feel his erection growing against her leg.

 

“I'm not disappointed either. It's just......” His lips captured hers in a passionate kiss. “I just don't think we should do this right now.” She gasped, pulling her lips from his. “I don't think you should.....” He cut her off again with another kiss.

 

“Please Hermione. I need you.” He breathed heavily into her ear, his hand pushing her legs apart to make room for his talented fingers. “Please. I need to feel you. I need to be inside you. Please don't tell me 'no'.”

 

All rational thought evaporated from her brain as he shifted, kissing his way down her stomach. All the reasons why they shouldn't be doing this disappeared as he buried his face between her legs; sucking, licking, drinking her juices like a starving man.

 

 _'He's using your body to avoid his feelings'_ A tiny voice spoke inside her as he pressed his way into her body.

 

“Am I too heavy.” His silky baritone drove away her inner voice, sending shivers up and down her spine as he settled his weight on top of her, his thick cock gliding deliciously across her clit as he moved his hips, thrusting, pushing, burying himself inside of over and over again.

 

“No.” She gasped, wrapping her legs around his waist and gripping his biceps tightly. “It's fine. You feel so good.” She moaned as her pleasure rose higher and higher. She held him tightly and listened to his soft grunts as his hot breath fanned across her neck. “Oh fuck, Severus.” She cried out as he pushed her closer and closer to completion, her orgasm exploding inside of her sending waves of pleasure coursing through her body.

 

“Oh Hermione, I love you.” He groaned as his even thrusts faltered, becoming erratic. With a great shudder, he cried out, his muscles trembling as he came inside of her. 


	36. Chapter 36

 

Hermione yawned and snuggled closer to the warm body lying next to her in her bed.

 

“Good morning to you too.” He growled, wrapping her up in his arms and pulling her to him. “And thank you for not kicking me out last night.”

 

“Severus.” She sighed, pressing herself up against his chest to stare into his face. “I would never do that to you. I'm here for you. I'm on your side. I've told you that. Why won't you trust me?”

 

“Because it's not in my nature to trust.” He sighed, burying a hand into her soft hair and pulling her face closer to his. “I am a Slytherin, remember? And it would have been completely understandable if you'd have tossed me out on my arse.”

 

“Not to me.” She sighed, pressing her lips tenderly to his. “I'm a Gryffindor, remember? It's in my nature to by loyal.”

 

“That's right.” He chuckled softly. “Nobel loyal Gryffindors. So how did your lecture go? I forgot to ask.”

 

“Brilliantly, if I do say so myself and how about your project? Did you get the shelves finished?”

 

“Finished and stained.” He smiled, running his fingers up and down the length of her spine. “It will be nice to finally be able to unpack and shelve the books from my private library.”

 

“The books from your office library at Hogwarts?” She asked, her eyes bright with excitement.

 

“The very same. Why do you suddenly look like a kid on Christmas morning?”

 

“Because I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. You are going to let me read them, aren't you?” 

 

“I imagine I have little choice in the matter. If I don't you'll probably use an unforgivable curse on me. Why don't you come over tonight, after work, and you can peruse them to your heart's content.”

 

“That sounds lovely. And speaking of work, I'd better start getting ready.” She squealed when strong hands wrapped around her waist and pulled her back down to the bed. “Severus. Let me go.”

 

“No.” He growled, twisting around and pinning her beneath him, his eager erection pressing against her leg.

 

“Severus. I'm serious. Let me up.” She pushed ineffectually against his shoulders.

 

“No.” He murmured softly, his lips pressing against hers, while his fingers worked their way between her legs, sliding through her wetness.

 

“Ugh, Severus. I'm going to be late.” She moaned, arching her back as his finger rubbed teasingly across her clit.

 

“Don't worry.” He breathed hotly into her ear, moving his hips against her. “This won't take any time at all. And if you're willing to forgo your........happy ending, it will take even less time. I'm practically coming now.”

 

“Severus Snape you wouldn't dare.” She shrieked, grinding her hips against his hand.

 

“Hmmm. I'll take that as a 'No' then.” He chuckled, thrusting inside her with his index finger. “Well you are the one complaining you're going to be late. I was merely offering you a viable solution.”

 

“I'll viable solution you. Just hurry up.” She panted, her eyes squeezed tightly closed. “Ohhhh right there. That feels so good. I'm almost there.”

 

“As if I couldn't tell.” He said, moving to his knees and positioning himself at her opening, his finger still pushing her closer and closer to her edge.

 

“Oh fuck Severus, now. Fuck me now.” 

 

Grabbing her hips, he thrust forward with his hips, burying himself in her wet heat. Pushing himself up on his arms, he thrust his hips, shifting his weight so the broad length of his cock rubbed perfectly across her clit.

 

“Oh oh oh oh.” She panted, moving her hips and meeting him thrust for thrust.

 

“That's right Hermione, come for me.” He groaned, his voice strained. “Please come now.”

 

“Almost.” She gasped breathlessly. “Almost. I'm so close.” Her fingers clawed at his back and shoulders, pulling him close against her, her breath ragged in his ear. She could feel the large muscles of his back trembling as he struggled to hold back his pending climax. “You weren't kidding when you said you were close.” She moaned.

 

“No. I wasn't.” He growled through clenched teeth.” And I'm going to explode if you don't hurry up and come.” He cried out the last word, his hips thrusting reflexively as he exploded inside of her. “Oh fuck Hermione.” He moaned loudly, driving himself over and over again even as he emptied inside her. Through the haze of his own exploding pleasure he became aware of her sweet cries of completion and the feel of her interior muscles fluttering across his cock. Panting and sweating he collapsed down on the bed, pining her beneath him.

 

“Ugh! Get off me you big oaf.” She pushed him roughly, struggling to squeeze out from underneath him. “You weigh as much as a troll.”

 

“Are you calling me fat?” He sighed, flipping over onto his back, watching as she climbed out of the bed and began to rush around the room grabbing up her work clothes.

 

“No. I'm calling you heavy. There's a difference. No one in their right mind would ever call you fat. Besides, everyone knows muscle weighs more then fat...oh Merlin.” She glanced down at her watch. “I am going to be so late and it's all your fault.”

 

“You loved it. There's nothing like a morning quickie to start your day off right.” He called after her as she disappeared into the bathroom. “Back all ready?” He teased as she rushed across floor still buttoning her blouse; she paused to rummage in her wardrobe.

 

“Oh bugger me. I don't have time for all this, Accio Hermione's brown boots.” She called out, giving her wand a flourish. “Thank Merlin we are at my flat and not yours.” She glared at him pulling on her boots. “I don't have time for a proper shower. I had to use a refreshing charm. If we were at your house I'd have to go to work positively reeking of sex.” Taking a quick glance in the mirror, she knelt on the bed and pressed her lips tenderly to his. “I do love you Darling, but I have to dash. Stay as long as you like. I'll see you tonight.

 

****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****

 

“Severus?” She called out as she entered his darkened living room. “Are you here?” Tossing her briefcase aside, she flipped on the parlor lamp and stepped towards the kitchen. Switching on the light she turned her eyes toward the blackboard wall, smiling at his spidery handwriting.

 

_Forgot agreed to take Mrs. Harvey to a late appointment. Won't be back until after 9. Will grab some take away. Make yourself at home and be careful with my books. SS._

 

Placing the kettle on to boil she made her way up the stairs to his bedroom intent on raiding his stash of t-shirts and sweatpants. Once she was comfortably attired and had a cup of tea in hand, she made her way back to the living room, her eyes crawling eagerly over the boxes of books now cluttering the living room. Glancing at the floor to ceiling bookshelves, she saw that he had already begun to fill them with books and items she presumed had been housed in his Hogwart's office. Running her fingertips lovingly over the spines, she quickly ascertained that he was alphabetizing them by category. Squealing inwardly, she settled herself crosslegged on the floor and pulled the first unopened carton of books towards her. Working methodically she was soon surrounded by stacks of alphabetized books. Potions, Herbology, Healing, Magical Creatures; there seemed to be no limit to his interests. Interspersed among the books were ornate mortars and pestles, stirring rods of every type and vials of rare potion ingredients. She was halfway through the third box when her fingers closed around edge of a small Pensieve. Pulling it from the box, she stared at it, a line forming between her eyes.

 

“ _Does Professor Snape have a Pensieve?” Luna Lovegood asked, her head buried deep within the bathroom cabinet._

 

“ _I don't know.” Hermione frowned, pausing as she carefully threaded the new shower curtain on the metal rings. “Why?”_

 

“ _Because I found these.” The blonde Ravenclaw sat back on her heels and held out a box filled with small vials. “They look like memories.”_

 

_Hermione stepped down off of the kitchen chair she'd been balancing on and examined one of the vials carefully. “Just put them back where you found them then.” She shrugged. “I only care about any alcohol or mind altering potions he has stashed away.” *_

 

Returning back downstairs, Hermione carefully lined the small vials across the surface of the coffee table. Each vial held a tiny label on it. Picking up the one marked “1979 to 1998 DL” she uncapped the bottle and emptied it's contents into the Pensieve's basin. Taking a deep breath, she lowered her face to the shimmering surface.

 * In case you forgot, see Chapter 22

 


	37. Chapter 37

WARNING! This chapter contains element of non consensual sex and abuse. If this subject matter disturbs or upsets you, please do not read.

Hermione glanced around the ornate room, trying to establish her bearings. She was clearly inside some type of Ballroom, Malfoy Manor perhaps? She wasn't sure. Robed figures stood in a semi circle facing a raised dais that contained 3 kneeling figures. Moving closer she saw a 19 year old Severus Snape. She recognized the other two figures kneeling beside him as Mulciber and Avery. Searching the crowd carefully, she quickly located a much younger Lucius Malfoy standing along side Bellatrix and the Lestrange brothers. Lucius Malfoy's blonde hair almost glowed in the candle light. 'It's hard to believe someone so beautiful could be so evil.' She thought ruefully. A soft murmur rippled through the crowd and she returned her attention back to the front of the room.

“Voldemort.” Her breath caught in her throat as a dark haired man moved across the dais to stand before the kneeling figures.

Hermione had heard from both Harry and Ginny that Tom Riddle, prior to his transformation, had been striking to look at. But no adjective existed to describe the almost ethereal beauty of the man now standing before her on the stage. He was so handsome he was almost painful to look at. She watched, transfixed as he spread his arms and addressed the room.

“Brethren. We are gathered together this evening to welcome 3 new members into our fold.” He gestured to the kneeling figures. His speech and movements reminded Hermione of Televangelists she had seen on Sunday morning telly at her parents house. She had never been able to understand how seemingly intelligent, rational Witches and Wizard's had so willingly aligned themselves with this mad man, but as she listened to him speak about Magical Supremacy and the pureblood's duty to Wizard kind, it all became much clearer to her. He was eloquent, passionate, charismatic. He held the audience captive with his words and his gestures. She could almost, for a moment, believe she truly didn't belong in the magical world, didn't deserve to possess her wand. She shook that thought away as he stepped before the kneeling figures. “Please bare your left arm.” One by one, the young men pulled back there sleeves.

Lord Voldemort withdrew his wand. “Severus Snape. I mark you as my own.” Hermione bit back a gasp as he touched his wand to Snape's flesh. She could hear the sizzle and smell the burning flesh as the Dark mark slowly formed. She watched as the muscles in the dark haired wizard's face tensed in pain. “You will carry my mark all the days of your life. With it, we will never be parted, we will be as one. One mind, one purpose, one belief. Do you declare yourself my loyal servant.”

“I do my Lord.” Severus' rich baritone rang out in the silent room.

“So be it.”

Hermione watched as each new Death Eater was marked and sworn in by Voldemort. Carefully helping them to their feet, he turned and addressed the crowd. “Welcome our new members. Let the celebration begin.” A loud cheering filled the room.

Curious, Hermione moved nearer as Snape slowly descended from the dais. Now that he was standing, she could see the physical differences in his younger self. Thin and wiry, he seemed to be all arms and legs. He reminded her of a young colt. His long black hair hung down, obscuring his face and his movements lacked the grace and confidence of his mature self. She watched as he made his way silently to the refreshment table and helped himself to a large glass of whiskey. Trailing behind him as he moved amongst the guests, Hermione couldn't help but compare the event to any cocktail party she had ever attended. House elves baring trays of canapes and drinks circulated among the crowd, who stood in small groups chatting softly. Many stopped and congratulated Snape as he passed by.

“This is it? It's so tame.” She thought as she followed him on his third trip to the drink table. She noticed that his speech was beginning to slur, but he seemed stable on his feet. Wondering what she was missing, she turned in a circle, scanning the room. She spotted Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix over by the raised dais speaking quietly with Voldemort. Almost as if responding to an unspoken signal, the guests slowly began to make their way towards the stage, an uneasy tension began to fill the room.

“Uh oh. Now what?” She wondered as she followed Severus to the edge of the dais. She watched as Voldemort retook the stage, Lucius Malfoy and Rudolphus Lestrange stood silently behind him. She could feel the tension and apprehension that filled Snape's body as the Dark Lord addressed the crowd, an evil and salacious smile darkening his countenance.

“And now Brethren, the moment I know you've been eagerly anticipating, the evening's entertainment.” He made a sweeping gesture and stepped off the stage.

“Oh no.” Hermione blanched as two Deatheaters she didn't recognize stepped up on the stage dragging a bound, gagged and blindfolded muggle girl behind them. “Oh Merlin.” She moaned as they pulled away her blindfold and released her bindings. Horror filled her as Rudolphus stepped up, lazily flicking his wand, vanishing the girl's clothing. “She can't be more then 15.” She thought as she watched both Lucius and Rudolphus drop their robes, revealing their naked, and excited, forms. The girl's eyes were wide with horror as she scanned the two nude and aroused men; turning her face to the crowd, Hermione flinched inwardly at the fear that was written there. With a quick flick of his wrist, Lucius ripped the gag from the girl's mouth and her terrified screams rent the air.

“Ohhhhhhhhh God!!!!!! Nooooooo!! Help me!! Please help me.” She pleaded as Rudolphus stepped behind her and pulled her arms roughly behind her back, forcing her to her knees. “Who are you people? Help me. Won't somebody please help me? Ahhhhhhh! Why are you doing this to......” Her screams were cut off by an indifferent flick of Lucius Malfoy's wand. Her mouth remained frozen open in round and silent “O”.

Bile filled Hermione's throat as Lucius stepped before the kneeling muggle and roughly shoved his straining erection into her mouth. Gripping the sides of her head, he began to thrust his hips. Tears streamed down the girl's face as his cock violently pushed into her throat, making her gag and choke. 'He's going to kill her.' Hermione thought, recoiling at the squelching sound as Lucius' cock entered the girl's mouth and throat. Panting, the blonde wizard paused and pulled his member from the muggle's mouth; her chest heaved as she struggled to pull in air, and then he was back, fucking her face and her throat. Soft moans and groans issued from the crowd around her, glancing about, Hermione saw that many of the Deatheaters had shed their robes and were stroking themselves in time to Lucius thrusts. Glancing up at Severus, she saw that his face was tense, but for the most part impassive. 'He's already perfected his mask of indifference.' She thought wryly, but she could tell by his breathing and the way his fist clinched at his sides he was not unaffected by what he was seeing. She could easily read the equal measure of disgust and arousal in his expression. He moaned softly and Hermione glanced back to the stage just in time to watch Lucius' body tense, shooting thick ropes of ejaculate down the muggle girl's throat. A loud cheer erupted in the crowd and Hermione sensed a flurry of activity around her.

Turning in a tight circle, she watched as more muggle girls were led into the room. Silently shadowing Severus, she moved to the edge of the room, watching in horror as girls were stripped naked and thrust to the floor. Up on stage, Rudolphus' chest muscles flexed as he thrust into the girl from behind. Agonized screams filled the room. 'It's a bloody gang bang.' She thought with disgust. Severus stood frozen beside her, his eyes scanning the myriad of figures writhing before him in varying degrees of pleasure and agony. She flinched when a familiar voice spoke from beside them.

“Not joining in Severus?” Turning she saw the figure of Bellatrix Black Lestrange sidling up beside them. She had removed her robes and her barely there bustier and see through knicker left nothing to the imagination. 'Oh Merlin. I really don't want to see this.' Hermione groaned to herself, but found she was unable to turn away.

“So it is true.” She said, when the dark teen remained silent. “You are a virgin. A little Slytherin virgin.” His head twisted and he glared down at her, his black eyes angry and embarrassed. “Oh don't look like that Severus.” She purred, stepping closer to him and pressing herself against his side. “I can help you with that, you know.” His eyes fluttered closed as her hand slipped inside his robes. Hermione could see movement and assumed the witch was rubbing his cock, the huskiness of his voice confirmed her suspicions.

“Not here.” He grunted, through gritted teeth. “Somewhere....private.”

Hermione's skin crawled when Bella cackled her signature laugh. “Oh he's a shy little virgin as well. Though you don't feel very little to me. Fine if it's privacy you want.” She pulled her hand from underneath his robes and grabbed his arm, pulling him along the back wall of the Ballroom to a quiet lounge area. “This is as private as it's going to get Severus.” She purred, reclining on a chaise lounge and running her fingers up her thighs. “No one's watching us anyway.”

It was over before it began really. One minute he was looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching, the next he was on top of her. Three, maybe four thrusts and he groaned loudly as he came, collapsing heavily on top of the older witch.

“Well at least she didn't enjoy it.” Hermione though wickedly as the memory around her began to swirl and change.


	38. Chapter 38

When the mist cleared, Hermione found herself in the same ballroom, surrounded by Pureblood Wizards and Witches. Glancing to her side, she saw that she was standing beside a still teenaged Snape. He was sipping his Whiskey and nervously scanning the room. He tensed perceptively when he spotted Voldemort across the room. “My Lord.” He bowed his head as the handsome man approached him.

“Severus, how are you enjoying yourself this evening?” He purred.

“Quite well, My Lord.”

“I see. And this is the third such gathering you've attended?”

“The fourth, My Lord.”

“Ahhhhh, the fourth.” Voldemort frowned. “Yet you have not once taken part in the entertainment. Do you not appreciate the gifts I bestow upon you?”

“No My Lord.....I.....” The teenager stuttered.

Ignoring his protests the dark man continued. “I was lenient with you in the beginning due to your, shall we say, lack of experience. But I have heard from several of our female members and.......others,” He paused, a knowing smile on his face, “that that is no longer the case.” His expression grew cold. “I will expect you on the dais this evening.” He turned on his heel and walked off without another glance. Hermione looked up to see that Severus' normally pale countenance was now white, his hand shook as he raised his glass to his lips. She glanced around when she heard a familiar cultured drawl call out his name.

“Oh there's no need to look so frightened.” Lucius Malfoy chuckled, slinging an arm across the teen's shoulders. “I'll be right there with you every step of the way. You'll love it. There's nothing tighter then a virgin's quim.”

“But what if I can't.......” He flushed crimson, unable to finish his sentence.

“Can't what? Get hard?” Lucius laughed. Glancing around, he whispered. “Follow me. It's time for us to get ready any way.” Hermione trailed behind as Lucius led Severus around the stage and through a door at the back of the room. “First, you need to get rid of this.” He plucked the half full glass of whiskey from the young man's hand and drained it down in one gulp. “Now here.” He pulled two black robes from a hook on the wall and tossed one to the black haired Wizard. “Get completely undressed and put this on, but don't fasten it.” Hermione tried hard not to look at Lucius as he stripped out of his Velvet robes, but it was hard not to stare. 'He really is almost perfect.' She though ruefully. 'What a waste of a gorgeous body.' Her eyes widened when he stepped close to Severus and whispered in his ear. “Just close your eyes. Don't think. Just feel.” Reaching out with his left hand, he grabbed Severus' flaccid cock and beginning to gently pull and stroke. “That's it.” He hissed. “Just let it feel good. I'm going to have you so close to coming that by the time we go out there, you're going to think your balls are about to explode.” A low moan escaped Severus' lips, glancing down, she could see that he was growing hard under Lucius' careful ministrations. “I'll go first. I usually try to draw it out, give a good show, but for you, I'll come fast. Hmmm.” He glanced down at Snape's still only semi hard cock. “Still not very hard. No, don't look like that.” He glanced up at the teen's red face. “Lots of Wizards have trouble their first time. Don't tell anyone I told you, but I thought Dolohov was never going to get stiff. We just have to be a bit more inventive.” Reaching down, he grabbed his wand and tapped the side of Severus' penis. “There you go. Much better.”

“What did you just do?” The teen moaned.

“Invisible cock ring.” Lucius said, dropping to his knees. “I'll remove it when the time is right so you can come. Now where were we? Oh, right here.” Hermione's mouth fell open as Lucius began to run his tongue and mouth all over Severus' growing erection. She watched as the dark haired Wizard's head fell back and he began to moan, thrusting himself deeper into the blonde's mouth. An overwhelming urge to giggle rose up in her. 'Lucius Malfoy is the Dark Lord's fluffer.' She thought ridiculously. It would be hysterical if it weren't so........horrific.

“Oh you're ready to come now, aren't you?” Lucius teased, running his hand down Severus' now enormous erection as the teen groaned. “And don't think I'm going to do this all the time. This is a one time deal. But once you get a feel for that tight, virgin quim, you won't need me to do it again.” A roar of applause sounded from just outside the room. “It's showtime.” Lucius chuckled, running his hand fast across the very swollen head of Severus' cock making the young man groan with need. “Now if you need to stroke yourself while you're out there, just go ahead and do it, everyone will think you're just enjoying what I'm doing. Okay, let's go.” Hermione followed the two men back out to the stage.

The scene was similar to the first one she'd witnessed, only this time the muggle girl was older and had long red haired. 'That sick fuck. He's done that on purpose.' She thought, glancing quickly at Snape. She caught a brief glance of something in his eye, but then it was gone, replaced with his mask of indifference. Once again, Lucius had frozen the girl's mouth open and was eagerly thrusting into her face. Severus' hand had trailed down and he was lightly stroking himself, only Hermione was close enough to see that he was staring at a fixed point on the wall and not at the blonde wizard and the muggle girl before him. As promised, Lucius groaned and came quickly; earning several catcalls and jibes from the audience, but they fell silent when he pushed the girl down on her hands and knees and motioned the teenager forward.

“Are you ready?” He asked, his breathing still labored. Snape nodded his head and positioned himself behind the girl. With a wave of his wand, Lucius released the girl's mouth and, Hermione assumed, removed the invisible cock ring. The girl's terrified screams filled the air and Hermione watched in horror as Severus grabbed his cock and thrust forward. Again, she was the only one close enough to see the look of shock and revulsion that filled his face before he closed his eyes and began to thrust. Hermione was surprised when the scene swirled and changed around her. When the fog lifted, she saw she was still in the same ballroom, but it was empty now. Screams still rent the air, but they were male, not female.

“Oh Merlin.” She gasped, wishing with everything she had that she could do something to help the writhing figure on the floor. She could tell by the way the Severus' body twisted and the agonized way he screamed he was being subjected to the Cruciatus Curse. Tears filled her eyes as she remembered the feeling; like every nerve in your body was on fire. She turned her gaze to the man holding the wand, Voldemort sat in a throne like chair, an angry look on his face. With a flick of his wand he released the curse, Snape curled up in a ball and began to weep.

“Do you think you can lie to me? Do you think you can fool me? Did you think I wouldn't notice?”

“No My Lord.....I didn't mean......I just couldn't.......I tried to......” The teen gasped through his sobs. His screams filled the air again when the dark man flicked his wand and whispered 'Crucio.'

“What? You didn't mean to “fake it”? Are you a Wizard or a Witch? Why do you reject the gifts that I present to you? Do you perhaps have a soft spot for muggle scum?”

“No My Lord.” Snape struggled to speak through the debilitating pain. “Everyone was watching.....staring.......I couldn't help it......I'm sorry.........”

Flicking his wand, the Dark Wizard released the curse again, a cruel smile on his face. “So it is true what they say about you. You're just a shy little serpent, happier slithering around in the darkness of the dungeons then out in the limelight. I do wish I could make allowances for you, Severus. But you have not yet earned that privilege. You are expected to participate.......completely or face further punishment. I hope I have made myself plain.” 

“Yes My Lord.” The tortured youth sobbed as the scene shifted and changed.


	39. Chapter 39

**This is not a cheerful chapter and it continues to contain elements of abuse and rape. Please do not read if this subject matter upsets or disturbs you.**

**This was not an easy chapter to write and as a result I'm feeling a bit insecure about it.  Please be sure to review and let me know what you think.   And thank you soooo much for reading.**

 

When the scene settled, Hermione glanced around quickly, trying to determine her surroundings. Snape was bent over a small work table, a simmering cauldron beside him. She knew immediately that they weren't at Hogwarts, but it did not appear to be his basement laboratory at Spinner's End either. The room was tiny and shabby, every corner and surface seemed to be covered with books and bits of parchment; there was a small, neatly made cot against one wall. 'This must be where he lived before he accepted the position at Hogwarts.' She thought, stepping up to the table. She watched as he carefully chopped ingredients; Ginkgo Biloba, St. John's Wort, Asian Ginger, Ginseng, Canaryseed.

 

“Dear Merlin.” She gasped as recognition and understanding filled her. She knew that potion. She'd prescribed it to her own male patients in the past. She was so used to using potions that had been created and patented by Severus T. Snape, that she'd never even questioned why he'd developed a potion used primarily for the treatment of erectile dysfunction. It wasn't as common a problem in the Wizarding word as in the Muggle, but it did happen, due to injury or illness. Now it made sense. Her heart ached for him as he filled several tiny vials with the sky blue liquid. The scene swirled around them and she was not surprised to find themselves back in the same ballroom, surrounded by Deatheaters. Trailing behind the dark haired Wizard she watched him carefully as he moved among the guests, casually sipping a whiskey. So stealthy was he, that she almost missed it when he passed his hand over a fresh drink, the blue potion clouding it briefly, before he stirred it away with his index finger.

 

“Bloody hell.” She cried out as memories began to swirl around her so quickly she could barely keep up. Severus ramming his cock down the throat of a muggle girl while Lucius stood by, holding her head in place. Severus masturbating as he watched Mulciber and Avery thrust up into a screaming girl, one from the front, one from behind. She pressed her hand to her mouth, the bile rising in her throat as she watched him rut on top of yet another screaming girl. Scene after scene passed before her until she was sure she would be ill. Blood, semen and screams were everywhere. And then as quickly as it had begun, it stopped. Dizzy she looked around. They were in what appeared to be an office, Lord Voldemort was seated behind an ornate desk, a slightly older looking Snape was seated across from him.

 

“Tell me again, what did the Prophecy say?”

 

“That one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...born at the end of July to someone who has defied you. They will have power and must die at your hand in order for you to survive.”

 

“And what Wizarding children have been born at the end of July?” The handsome dark Wizard frowned.

 

“The Longbottoms have a son, Neville.” Snape said, leaning forward. “He is an Auror and they are both members of the Order of Phoenix. I am quite sure he is the one.”

 

“Oh you are 'quite sure' are you?” Hermione felt a shiver run through her at the way the handsome man sneered and fingered his wand. “Aren't you forgetting something?”

 

“My Lord?” Severus carefully raised an eyebrow, his face a mask of innocent confusion.

 

“My Lord?” Voldemort mocked the innocent tone, then his voice grew cold. “And what of the Potters?” He spit the name like an oath. “Did they not also have a son born at the end of July?”

 

“I.....” Snape stuttered and then he was on the floor screaming in agony even as the word 'Crucio' still hung in the air.

 

“You just thought you would try to protect your muggle scum girlfriend.” The Dark Lord hissed, stepping around the desk to stare down at the writhing figure. “Why, oh why do you continue to try to deceive me Severus?” With a flick of his wand, he released the curse. Holding out his hand, he pulled the shivering Wizard up and helped him back into his chair. “I will take what you have told me under advisement and I will inform you of my decision. Now what of the position? Did Dumbledore offer it to you?”

 

“Not the D..d..d..defense Against the Dark Arts, p..p..p..potions.” Snape gasped, still suffering the lingering effects of the torture curse.

 

“Send him an owl and tell him you accept.” Voldemort said, rising and returning to his seat behind the desk. “I think it will be most advantageous to have an operative inside of Hogwarts. You may go.” He watched as the young man struggled painfully to his feet. “Severus?” He waited for him to look up, his face pale. “Why do you care so much about that Muggle whore. Didn't she reject you for Potter?”

 

“She was my friend.” Snape whispered. The scene swirled again and they were back in the ballroom, all eyes on Lord Voldemort as he spoke from the dais.

 

“......been given certain intelligence, a prophecy if you will, I feel that the matter is critical enough that it should be acted upon and not ignored. This is an undertaking I will execute on my own. The prophecy clearly stated it that it must happen by my hand and no other. But as my followers, I wanted you to be aware of the situation. On Halloween night I will eliminate the Potters and their young son, Harry.” Soft gasps and murmurs rippled through the crowd as Voldemort descended from the stage. Hermione watched as a very pale and noticeably shaken Severus Snape approached him.

 

“My Lord.” He spoke, his voice hoarse. “I wonder if I might have a word with you in private.

 

“Ahhh Severus.” The Dark Lord sighed. “I thought you might like a word, follow me.” Hermione trailed behind as they left the ballroom and ascended a curved staircase. Pausing before a door, Voldemort opened it and ushered the younger man inside a luxurious bedroom. “Speak Severus.”

 

“Must you kill then all?” He said, in a rush, his face and voice filled with anguish. “Could Lil......could she not be spared?”

 

“No Severus. I cannot and will not spare her. And I will tell you why.” Voldemort said, his voice cold as ice. “Your affection for her makes you weak. You could be my right hand man. You have the intelligence, the cunning, the ability were it not for your lingering feelings for this worthless, filthy, mudblood. It's really in your best interests that I am doing this, I assure you it will only benefit you in the end. Now, I realize that you are probably upset.” He smiled a cruel smile. “So to show you how much I value you, your services and the information you have provided me, I have arranged a very special treat for you.” He moved towards the door and opened it, reaching out he pulled in a bound and gagged Muggle girl. Hermione cringed to see that once again, she was a red head. “I know how much you abhor, how shall I say it 'performing' in the ballroom. Though I do not understand your reticence at all, you are quite spectacular, I do recognize that you are uncomfortable with all eyes upon you. So here,” he flung the girl towards the young man. “For you to enjoy in private, all to yourself. And I do believe it is just your type. When you have finished and.......disposed of it, feel free to join us in the ballroom. Enjoy.” With that, he spun on his heel, slamming the door behind him, leaving Severus and the terrified girl alone. She cringed as he took a tentative step towards her.

 

“No, no, no.” He whispered gently, reaching towards her. “I'm not going to hurt you.” Grasping her arm with one hand, he waved his wand, releasing her gag. Her terrified screams split the air. “Shhhh, shhh, shhhh.” He crooned, guiding her to the bed and pressing her down to sit. “I'm not going to hurt you. I promise.”

 

“Who, who, who are you?” She sobbed. “Why am I here? Why are you doing this to me. I want my Mum. I want to go home.”

 

“Listen to me.” He spoke in a firm voice over her sobs. “I am not going to hurt you.”

 

The girl stared up him, her tear filled eyes both hopeful and wary. “You're going to let me go?”

 

Hermione saw the dark look that flashed over his face. “You just need to trust me. I need you to close your eyes.”

 

“Close my eyes? Why?”

 

“Just trust me.” He half sighed, half growled. “Close your eyes and I'll make sure everything is all okay. I swear to you.” Hermione watched as the girl's eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Stupify.” Snape whispered, flicking his wand at the girl, a bright red flash filled the room. Lowering the now unconscious girl, he flicked his wand again, releasing her binding and stripping away her clothes. “I'm so sorry.” He muttered as he moved around the bed, pulling on the girl's arms and legs until she lay spread eagle across the bed. Pacing back and forth across the room, he turned and pointed his wand at the prone figure. Hermione gasped as bloody gashes and bruises begin to appear across her naked flesh with each flick of his wand. Pausing, he pressed his fingers against the side of her neck, checking for a pulse. 'Now what?' She wondered as he tossed his wand to the bed and stripped off his outer robes. Moving to the corner, he opened his trousers and reached inside. With his back to the bleeding figure on the bed, he braced himself up by his left hand and began to stroke himself rhythmically with his right. She could see that his eyes were pressed firmly closed as he masturbated. After what seemed like a very long time, he grunted softly, cupping his hand over the tip of his cock as he came. Panting, he turned back to the bed and retrieved his wand. Waving it over his hand, he crouched between the girl's leg, his large frame blocking Hermione's view. When he stood again, she saw blood and semen dripping from the girl's now ravaged and battered privates. Taking a deep breath, Snape pointed his wand and cried out “Avada Kedvra.” Tears streamed down Hermione's face as the scene swirled and shifted around them.

 

They were in a ballroom. A different one then before, bile filled Hermione's throat as she recognized her surroundings as Malfoy Manor. Glancing around, she saw that all the Deatheaters were older now, looking like she had known them during the war, but the scene before her was very much the same; she stood beside an older Severus as bound and gagged Muggle girls where thrust into the room to be raped and abused. She flinched when a sibilant hiss sounded from behind them.

 

“Ssssseverussss, it'sssss so nice you could finally join ussssss.” Hermione gasped at the now snakelike features of Lord Voldemort, almost more horrific now that she knew what his appearance had been prior to his transformation.

 

“My Lord.” Snape bowed differentially. “It is unfortunate that my duties at Hogwarts have kept me away. But you must agree how critical it is that Dumbledore not become suspicious of my absences.”

 

“Oh I agree Sssseverus. But you are here now. Why have you not joined in? Pleasssse tell me you are not sssstill the sssame sssshy boy I usssed to know.”

 

“Of course not My Lord.”

 

“Then why are you sssstill on the ssssideliness, lurking in the ssshadows?”

 

“If I may speak plainly, My Lord?” His red eyes flamed angrily but he nodded his head in ascent. “Many things have changed since you've been gone. I have kept my position at Hogwarts, always with the hope that you would return, but in doing so, I have become an educator, as well as a Head of House. Slytherin House to be precise. Many of your followers have married and given birth to children. Children that I am now responsible for.”

 

“Do you have a point, Ssssseverus?” The Dark Lord hissed.

 

“As your spy at Hogwarts it is imperative that I maintain the trust and the loyalty of my fellow Deatheaters, is it not? And how can I maintain that trust and loyalty if parents see me rutting about with a child no older then their sons and daughters. Sons and daughters that I am responsible for whilst they are at Hogwarts?”

 

“Are you saying my Deatheaters would question my directives, my orders?”

 

“Not at all My Lord, certainly not as Deatheaters, but as parents?” He shrugged his shoulders. “Have we not learned, most unfortunately, that a parent's love of a child transcends all else?”

 

“You have a point.” Voldemort sneered, turning to stare out at the ballroom. “Lucius.” He called out. “Bring me an untouched one.” Hermione watched as the blonde Wizard surveyed the Muggle girls, before grabbing one by the hair and pulling her across the floor.

 

“Yes My Lord?”

 

“Take her and Severus to one of the bedrooms. See that he enjoys her to the fullest.” Hermione took a step to follow, when a hand gripped the back of her shirt, pulling her sputtering from the Pensieve. She turned, gazing up into the rage filled face of Severus Snape.


	40. Chapter 40

**Well, we've come to the end of this story.  It's been a labor of love for me and I can't thank you enough for sticking with me.   Thank you so much for reading!!!**

 

Severus.” She gasped, struggling to catch her balance as he shoved her away from the Pensieve. “I....”

 

“Don't.” He growled through clinched teeth, his face apoplectic with rage.  “I don't want to hear your excuses.  Get. Out.”

 

“Whut? You don't mean that.....I can explain.....I......”

 

“There is nothing to explain.” He roared.  “I want you gone. Out of my house.  Now.” Hermione paled as he advanced towards her, his fists balled at his sides.  He was angrier then she'd ever seen him, angrier then she'd every seen anyone.  “Please Severus...” She held up her hands to ward off his advancement.  “It doesn't change anything....it doesn't change my feelings for......”

 

“It changes everything you stupid cow!” He screamed, spittle flying from his lips.

 

“I still love you.” She whimpered, tears streaming down her face.

 

“Then that is your misfortune.” He growled cruelly.  “I am a murderer and a rapist. I cannot be the man that you want me to be.  You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?  You had to be the insufferable know it all.”

 

“But Severus.......”

 

“Get out!” He roared again.  “Are you both deaf and stupid?  I do not want you here.” He stepped forward and grabbed her bag and cloak, thrusting them at her.  Wrapping his hand around her arm he propelled her towards the door.  “I want to drink and masturbate until I'm numb. I want to fuck whores who do not try to interfere in my life and whose feelings I do not have to concern myself with. I do not want you.”

 

“Stop.” She cried, twisting her arm, trying to free it from his iron grasp. “You're hurting me.”

 

“Then do as you are told for once in your life and get out.” He said, opening the door and pushing her out onto the stoop.  She crumpled to the step weeping as the door slammed with a resounding crash.

 

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

 

“Did you find him?” Luna asked, her face anxious as George stepped into the bedroom of their flat.

 

“Uh huh.” He nodded his head wearily, flopping down across the bed.  “It took a bit of doing.   He was in a Pub near Spinner's End.  I had no idea there were some many bleeding Pubs in that area.”

 

“And was he........?”

 

“Pissed out of his gourd.” George nodded.  “I took him home, got him into bed.”

 

“And did he say anything about......?”

 

“Oh he said a lot, but I couldn't understand half of it. He's mad as a hatter, that's for sure.  How is she?”

 

“Sleeping. I gave her a bit of dreamless sleep in some tea.  I didn't want her going home, not like that.....I don't know how she managed to get herself here without splinching as hard as she was crying.  Did he say......?”

 

“He doesn't want to see her, speak to her or even hear about her.” George sighed, sitting up and peeling his t shirt off over his head.

 

“What are we going to do, George?” Luna asked as he stood up, unfastening his trousers and pushing them off his hips.

 

“Dunno.” He frowned, pulling back the covers and climbing into bed beside her.  “He's still coming in to consult on products.  He's dead useful, I might add.  I'll try to talk to him. But you know as well as I do, until he admits he has a problem, no amount of talking is going to help.”

 

“I know.” Luna said, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his freckled cheek. “Just do your best.”

 

“I always do, love.  I always do.”

 

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

 

Bang, Bang, Bang.

 

Hermione lifted her head from the couch and stared at the front door.  Sniffing, she lowered her head back to her arms and continued to weep.  The pounding sounded again.

 

Bang, Bang, Bang. 

 

“God dammit Hermione.” Harry Potter yelled, pounding even harder. “Open this door or I'm breaking it down.”  He took a step back as the door slowly opened and her tear stained face appeared.  “Oh 'Mione.  I heard about Snape.” He rushed in wrapping her up in his arms.  “Why didn't you call me?  And what are you doing home from work?  Did you call in sick?”

 

“No.” She sniffed, pulling away from him and lowering herself back onto the couch.  “I went to the Minister and I....I....I told him what happened.  That's it's all my fault Sev......” She broke down sobbing, struggling to speak.  “That it's all my fault he hasn't completed his ministry requirements.  He's been granted a two month extension and I....I....I've been placed on a disciplinary leave.”

 

“But why?  You didn't do anything wrong?”

 

“I became involved in a personal, physical relationship with one of my patients Harry.” She snorted, grabbing a tissue and wiping her nose.  “He wasn't emotionally ready for that and I knew it and I just didn't care.  I wanted him.  I put my emotions before my patients and I deserve this. It's, it's just so, so hard.  I still l...l...l...love him.” She broke down crying again, this time letting Harry pull into his arms and hug her, stroking her back.

 

“Oh shhh, 'Mione.” He whispered in her hair.  “It'll be okay.”

 

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

 

“Hermione?......Hermione?......Hermione!” She heard her name being called as if from a great distance, pulling back into herself, she stared at Harry and Ginny, seated across from her at the kitchen table at Grimmald Place.  She looked down at her plate and realized that she'd just been pushing her food around with her fork, tears streaming down her face.

 

“I was asking if you'd gotten back to work okay.” Ginny said, softly.  “But you're not okay at all, are you?”

 

“I'm sorry.” She whispered hoarsely, swiping at her face with her napkin.  “I shouldn't have come tonight.  I'm not fit company for anyone.  I know it's been a month, but......” She choked back a sob.  “When I'm alone, I want to be with people. Then when I'm with people, I want to be alone again.  I just miss him so much.”

 

“Shhh.” Ginny said, reaching across the table and patting her hand.  “Just know that we're both here for you.  Have you heard anything about Sna......him?”

 

“Only that he's still working with George.” She sniffed. “So at least he's not dead. But he doesn't want to see me or speak to me.  He's made that abundantly clear, so I don't ask too many questions.”

 

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

 

“You're going and I'm not taking 'no” for an answer.” Luna said, standing with her hands on her hips in Hermione's office.  “It's been two months and everyone is really worried about you.  All you do is work and then hole yourself up in your flat.  I know it hurts, but this isn't healthy.   So get your coat.  We are going out to dinner.”

 

“Fine.” Hermione sighed, her lips turning up at the fierce look on the normally placid blonde's face.

 

“Good. Now grab your coat and bag and let's get out of here.”  She waited until Hermione had donned her coat and slung her bag over her shoulder, before linking her arm with hers and guiding her out into the hallway. “We'll just use one of the Ministry floos.” She said, leading the way to the large bank of fireplaces.  “Oh.” She grabbed a handful of floo powder.  “I forgot to mention, I just need to nip over to the joke shop and have a quick word with George.” She tossed the powder and cried out “Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes” before Hermione could protest.

 

“It looks closed.” Hermione said as they stepped from the fireplace into the darkened shop.

 

“Oh that's right.” Luna sighed, slapping her forehead dramatically. “It's meeting night.  I must have forgotten.  We can just sit in the back until it's done.”

 

“Is that okay?” Hermione protested, trying to dig in her heels as Luna dragged her towards the curtain leading to the backroom.

 

“Sure, I do it all the time.” Luna smiled, pushing her way through the curtain.  “Here.” She whispered, motioning to two seats in the back row.  She glanced up and gave a small finger wave to George who was behind the podium, speaking to the 20 or so people seated on folding chairs in front of him **.**

 

“I really don't think we should be here.” Hermione hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

 

“Shhh. It's fine.” Luna hissed back, her eye's firmly focused on George who was wrapping up his speech.

 

“Again, I want thank you all for coming this evening.” The red head grinned. “And now I'd like to bring up our newest member to tell his story, please make him feel welcome.” He stepped away from the podium as a smattering of applause rose from the audience.  Hermione clapped her hand over her mouth to cover the sobbing gasp that threatened to escape as she watched the tall man rise from his seat in the first row and make his way slowly to front of the room. Stepping behind the podium, he stared out at the crowd.

 

“Hello.” His rich baritone seemed to echo in the tiny room.  “My name is Severus Snape and I'm an alcoholic.”

 

**Epilogue**

 

Hermione stepped into the parlor and carefully hung her bag and cloak on the rack near the door.  Grinning to herself, she took a moment to survey the warm, inviting room; with it's floor to ceiling bookshelves and plush gray furniture.  How different it was from the  DIY disaster she had seen the first time she'd been there.   Stepping over to the bookshelves, she let her eyes roam over their contents, wondering if she would every stop feeling thrilled at the sight of their things, blended and mingled together.   She pressed her index finger to the tiny coin, prominently featured, honoring 90 days of sobriety. Severus attended daily meetings and with George Weasley as his sponsor, he seemed to be thriving.  Almost gone where the nightmares that woke him screaming and gasping, he was happier and healthier then she'd ever seen him.  Moving towards the kitchen, she paused in the dining room, frowning at the three large barn owls squabbling on the table.

 

“Ow.” She snatched her hand away when the largest one nipped at her finger. “Severus?” She stepped into the kitchen and inhaled deeply, all other thoughts vanished by the wonderful smell rising from a large pot on the stove. “That smells fabulous, what is it?”

 

“Texas Chili.” He said, his back to her as he carefully chopped ripe red tomatoes.

 

“Internet recipe?”

 

“Mmmm.” He grunted, tipping the cutting board into the pot. “It says it one first prize in some American Chili Cooking contest.”

 

“Well it smells amazing. Why are there three post owls on the dining room table?”

 

Picking up a spoon, he began to stir slowly. “The long, skinny box is most likely my wand.  The large official looking envelope is probably from the ministry informing me the magic ban has been lifted and reinstating my Potion's License.  And I believe the rolled parchment will be from Minerva offering me my position back at Hogwart's.”

 

“Probably? You believe? You haven't opened them?” She laughed.

 

“I was cooking.” He shrugged.

 

“Well I'm very proud of you.” She said, moving behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist.  “Does this mean the magic ban is gone?” She said, stepping away and pulling out her wand. “We can do magic again?”

 

“See I knew you were lying to me.” He said turning around and leaning on the sink, his eyes narrowed. “You said,when I asked you to move in, that you were fine without magic, that you didn't mind doing things the muggle way.”

 

“And I don't mind..” She said, waving her wand at the sink full of dirty dishes, smiling happily as they began to wash themselves. “But you have to admit, sometimes magic is faster.  So will you accept Minerva's offer?” 

He frowned, folding his arms across his chest.  “I don't think I will.” He said slowly.

 

“No?”

 

“No.” He shook his head thoughtfully.  “All my life I've spent as a slave to some master; Dumbledore, The Dark Lord, even my abusive parents....for once in my life, I want to do what I want to do.”

 

“And what do you want to do?”

 

“I don't know.  I quite like working with George.  Seems I have some talent for Research and Development, even in the humor department. I'd like to continue doing that.  I may start up my own private consultant practice, maybe develop some new potions, invent a few spells.”

 

“Well what ever you decide, I know you'll be brilliant at it.” She grinned wickedly, lifting her wand and giving it a twitch.

 

“Now was that really necessary?” He asked, glaring down at his now naked torso.

 

“It was absolutely necessary.” She whispered, stepping forward and drawing his arms away from his chest.  “I love your bare chest.” She leaned forward and pressed wet kisses across his skin.  Besides,” she ran her tongue around one nipple, teasing it with the tip of her tongue, “you deserve a reward.”

 

“But the Chili.....” He groaned, as she bit down gently, her hand now stroking his growing erection. “Aren't you hungry.”

 

“Starving.” She growled, squeezing him through his trousers. “But not for food, for you.  Besides, won't it taste better if it simmers for a bit?”

 

“I suppose your right.” He sighed, reaching behind him and lowering the flame.  “Now where were we? Oh here.” He leaned down and captured her lips in a passionate kiss.   She stumbled when she tried to pull him across the floor and he resisted.

 

“Don't you want to go upstairs?”

 

“Yes.” He trailed his lips down her throat. “But don't you want to apparate there directly, save all that pesky time on the stairs?”

 

“Sounds wonderful, but your wand.” She gestured weakly towards the dining room.

 

“I don't need it.” He whispered, sucking on her earlobe as he wrapped his long arms around her.

 

“Wait, Severus?”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“What's the difference between Texas Chili and regular Chili.”

 

“I have absolutely no idea.” He chuckled, hugging her tighter and spinning on his heel with a loud crack.

 

The End.

 


End file.
